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<p>Maybe they were being polite…but most of the above fits the very helicopter parent stereotype that I’ve heard commonly complained about by Profs I’ve had/befriended, college friends who teach/TA undergrad courses, some of those adcom/alum interviewer friends*, and by article writers in NYT/Chronicle of Higher Ed/Inside Higher-Ed over the last decade. </p>
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<li>Relative moved out of the adcom occupation in the early '00s.</li>
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<p>As a helicopter parent myself, it was really hard to let dd do these things alone. One of the most memorable moments of orientation was when the school went through what they could not do because the students were over 18. I can’t see or do ANYTHING without permission…even the financial information is restricted unless she authorizes. That said, it is absolutely amazing how fast she learned these skills when I wasn’t around. I have gotten really good at saying. " You know more than I do… What do you think?" and listening without calling back with a solution the next day (by which time the big issue has been forgotten).</p>
<p>We are fairly hands-off when it comes to contacting colleges. However, we have had the challenge that NJSue describes. During the high school year, our children have usually been gone during business hours and have not taken cell phones with them.</p>
<p>The way that we have dealt with this situation is to use e-mail as much as possible. My son/daughter will e-mail the college, explain that he/she is at school and after-school activities during business hours and needs to communicate by e-mail or after hours by phone. Occasionally, this will not work because of a time crunch or the college’s preference. In that case, if the time situation is not my child’s fault, I will call a college myself and explain that I am calling for my son/daughter, who is at school.</p>
<p>This type of situation has been so much easier since my daughter has gone to college. If she has a problem or has to arrange something, she can just walk over to someone’s office and take care of it herself. University business hours and her class schedule are not constraints, and I don’t need to get involved.</p>
<p>I think go with your gut – if you are questioning if it is bad form, then perhaps there is a chance it is, maybe not with every adcom but maybe so with just the person you want to impress. I know it is so hard to not do it for them since having done this sort of thing many times, you would be so much more efficient at it, but I feel it really is something they need to figure out on their own, or they will never be able to. I also have difficulty making appointments during my work day (because there is little time for personal calls) but somehow I manage, and juggling is something adults need to learn. (Unless, of course, he will have a personal secretary for all business and personal matters from here on out – I guess in our dream world, our kids will be successfull! 
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<p>I really like the email suggestions. Your son could just ask if anyone is available in his time frame (hopefully not an an unreasonably short period). You can edit for appropriateness, thereby not completely leaving him on his own. I think ultimately they would be more impressed with your son taking the initiative. Plus, at some schools, each email or call from a student gets counted for “showing interest.”</p>
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cobrat - you either believe that’s being a helicoper parent or you don’t, why do you need to quote other people to support your believe? If indeed you had such friends, did they just complain about it or did they do something about it? What if they had treated those students like adults with some respect, maybe parents wouldn’t have to step in. I have only seen it too often that young people are treated like second class citizen by older adults, but as soon as a parent steps in then the attitude and outcome are completely different. </p>
<p>Arranging interviews, college visits or setting up meetings with professors are easy stuff, students should be able to do it by themselves. But I think most adcoms would understand why parents would take the lead if there is a complicated travel arrangement. Last year when H and D2 was flying back from overseas for a whirlwind 5 days college tour, their schedule was very tight, H had to contact some colleges while D2 was in school. It is what it is.</p>
<p>I look at this way. Having parents handle some of these issues certainly can be more convenient. On the other hand in the best case the school/interviewer does not care if the parent makes arrangements in the worst case it creates a negative image of the applicants maturity. For me with the school there is no upside and a possible downside so my approach is clear.</p>
<p>(Note; for minor questions I do not think this matters at all but for major admissions events and questions I think having the student ask can only help … and arranging an interview is a major event in my book)</p>
<p>"I have talked to my kids’ adcom, school administrators, housing director, doctors, deans, even professors…no one has ever bat an eyelash. I would even say sometimes when my kids took the initiative to call, they were ignored by many adults.</p>
<p>I just recently made a change for D2 at her new college. I spoke to the person in charge on weekly basis (became best buds) for 2 months, she called me as soon as it was possible, made the change over the phone. D2 called me to let me know what a surprise it was and how she lucked out."</p>
<p>Why? Are your kids incapable of doing these things on their own? </p>
<p>Sometimes things are challenging for young adults but the only way they are going to learn to handle things like this is by actually handling them on their own.</p>
<p>Believe it or not, now my older daughter is very good at getting things done and she is 23. She is trusted to handle large deals on her desk with very little over sight now. She learned by example - never take no for an answer, there is always a work around. Kids could learn it the hard way, or they could learn by coaching. More often than not, when parents say they let their kids do it by themselves, it is more because they don’t want to be bothered. It is not easy to pick up the phone to negotiate with a total stranger, even for adults.</p>
<p>D2’s school is over subscribed this year again. There was no way she could have gotten what she wanted without a bit of pushing. But she did manage to get an on campus job by herself, even though she wasn’t on FA and an incoming freshman. I guess she did learn about getting a head start from me.</p>
<p>oldfort–I can be bothered, however, it is a life lesson to learn to deal with these things on their own. I would NEVER call a child’s college to get a change in schedule or whatever unless my child was incapacitated. I am sure they were polite but in the breakroom you were “that” parent. As for her job now, how do you know her boss isn’t holding her hand through the process…</p>
<p>Personally, I don’t think it’s a big deal either way, if you are calling to set up a visit. Most of the the time, you can do it online anyway, and if not, I highly doubt that the staff or student staff member is noting who made the call.<br>
For follow ups, or for contact with the adrep, a prof, a coach…those should all be from the student.</p>
<p>Sent from my DROID2 GLOBAL using CC</p>
<p>I think any phone calls should be done by the student. I agree, most visits can be set up online so feel free to do that. However, any personal contact should be done by the student and they very much do keep track of that information at many schools. DS’s coach is an ad comm for a school talked about a lot on this board and this is right from him. His first piece of advice to all of his “kids” is NEVER have your parents call the school to set up appointments, talk to prof’s, etc. It is very much frowned upon.</p>
<p>It wasn’t her schedule. </p>
<p>As far as with D1’s job, she is working 16+ hours a day, supporting 2 desks (normally done by 2 analysts), taking orders and giving out spreads. If her boss has to hold her hand, she would be fired. She did go through a rigorous interview process to get her job by herself.</p>
<p>"Believe it or not, now my older daughter is very good at getting things done and she is 23. She is trusted to handle large deals on her desk with very little over sight now. She learned by example - never take no for an answer, there is always a work around. Kids could learn it the hard way, or they could learn by coaching. More often than not, when parents say they let their kids do it by themselves, it is more because they don’t want to be bothered. It is not easy to pick up the phone to negotiate with a total stranger, even for adults.</p>
<p>D2’s school is over subscribed this year again. There was no way she could have gotten what she wanted without a bit of pushing. But she did manage to get an on campus job by herself, even though she wasn’t on FA and an incoming freshman. I guess she did learn about getting a head start from me."</p>
<p>Well, my child learned by listening to me on the phone for years before he went to college (I am a bulldog.) Whether it’s his style or not I have no idea as I don’t involve myself anymore but he certainly seems quite capable, at the age of 18, of doing whatever he needs to do without mummy or daddy’s assistance. </p>
<p>I also made him start speaking up for himself at a very young age (6 or 7) when problems cropped up, by insisting he talk to his teacher or the school principal on his own.</p>
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I think there is a BIG difference between arranging a visit or tour and arranging an interview. Said another way … as a hiring manager if anyone other than the applicant called me about their application or interview it certainly would make me wonder about the applicant some. I would think at least some colleges would have a similar reaction.</p>
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<p>Cobrat, it would really be refreshing if we heard what YOU think. Your posts are always full of what your friends / classmates / extended family thinks, as if we’re supposed to be impressed or defer to them. What do you think on the topic?</p>
<p>There are always exceptions and situations where parents should step in. When my D was out of the country for 3 weeks, with no access to e-mail for much of that, I did reply to some of her e-mails from coaches who were expressing interest, explaining that she was out of the country until a certain date. If she needed to call from school, I am certain the college counselor would let her call from her office during lunchtime, but if that were not possible, I would make the call. My S will be living off campus this year, and he set that all up himself, but we had to guarantee his rent, so I feel OK calling with questions I have as a parent.</p>
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<p>I’m basically underscoring how most adcoms or other higher-ed folks perceive parents who are as involved dealing with D2’s Profs and other college admins as you’ve just admitted in your comment. </p>
<p>That was what the OP was asking about…and I’m trying to provide an answer that’s closest to the source as possible…directly from the adcoms/alum interviewers or Profs themselves as I’ve heard it firsthand from them. </p>
<p>Personally, I feel that level of involvement would be fine if a student was in K-8…maybe even high school. For undergrad, however, that’s way too much parental involvement. </p>
<p>Also, the reason why they can’t “do anything about it” that there’s such a critical mass of helicopter parents…especially full-pay upper/upper-middle class parents and higher-ed admins willing to cater to them that “trying to do something about it” is commonly perceived as career suicide.</p>
<p>Funny, when our kids were applying to colleges -even to very competitive programs that accepted a minority of applicants -we found that adcoms seemed to want to be speaking with us whenever they could, and were more than ready to give us reasons why one or the other should attend their school, if accepted, perhaps because they realized that Frazzled kids would have an array of choices, and that we would be footing the bills. Schools also put on presentations for parents at accepted student events.</p>
<p>In short, I would not worry about calling adcoms to set up appointments, if this cannot be done online by your student.</p>
<p>Actually, the OP just asked if it was OK to make an appointment for an interview. I think the truth lies somewhere between interviews not mattering at all and having a parent make the call being admissions suicide. ;)</p>
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<p>The University of Rochester</p>