<p>Well I understand how that could be interpreted and for that I apologize. Thank you everyone for bringing me to my senses and showing me what a terrible person I really am. Obviously my parents were also bad people who raised me to be worthless and completely dependent on them, which is why I am now pursuing a higher degree so I can get a good job. It doesn’t matter that I’ve worked by butt off my entire life in my education because I didn’t pay for it. I love my parents and appreciate everything they’ve done for me but I guess that doesn’t matter either. I know you are all thanking your lucky stars that I am not your daughter because clearly I am a monster.
After all this I hope you are all making damn sure that your children pay for their education, lest they be insulted by strangers.
I do apologize for my first remark, I am a big enough person to realize when I may have said something inappropriate, but I can also recognize when the backlash insulting myself and my parents is completely uncalled for.</p>
<p>More whining?</p>
<p>This thread isn’t about you, its about the OP’s question re cosigning a loan, in anticipation of the possibility that their son is likely to ask for that if he gets admitted to a preferred college with insufficient financial aid. </p>
<p>You don’t seem to be able to allow discussion of the issue without making a big deal of how personally insulted you are. There’s a tone of victimhood and entitlement that permeates every single post, as in: parents owe their poor helpless offspring an obligation to finance their way through an expensive private college and on to grad school. </p>
<p>Again… its not about you. It’s about an issue that you don’t seem to have any experience with.</p>
<p>I’m not a fan of co-signing for ANYTHING. I have some friends who co-signed on a car loan for their grand-daughter. Yup, grand-daughter defaulted and friends became the new owner of a car they didn’t really want…with the idea of selling it to try to mitigate their damage. </p>
<p>Can’t capitalize on a kid’s education…</p>
<p>I never said it was about me, I just felt the need to say something when people began saying mean and untrue things about me and my family. I never said “parents owe their poor helpless offspring an obligation to finance their way through an expensive private college and on to grad school” and I’m sorry if you interpreted it that way. I guess it doesn’t matter what I say because people are going to read into it whatever they want. People love to put words in my mouth and I don’t feel as though defending myself constitutes a selfish expression in thinking that it’s all about me, but again, I’m sure you’ll think so. I am not whining, I am simply defending my parents integrity which has (inappropriately) come under fire because of my point of view. I have expressed several times how grateful I am that my parents were able to help me and just felt that what people said was unnecessary. I plan on growing up and getting a job as soon as it’s possible for me to do so and supporting them as they have supported me. Yes, I have little experience with this subject and should never have said anything. Goodbye.</p>
<p>No one insulted your parents in any way. You haven’t been defending their “integrity”. The irksome aspect of your posts is your sense of entitlement, not the fact that your parents have been generous.</p>
<p>Socnerd, here is a genuine criticism for you, so you might not want to read it:</p>
<p>The common theme in all your posts is you take a defensive and snarky position to what you think is written- not just ones you think are about you, but also others on this board that were not written about you. </p>
<p>What is most remarkable is you also repeatedly misinterpret the post you are reading, missing its main point. Maybe you are not actually reading them fully, maybe you have difficult comprehending the main arguments people make in writing, or maybe you are just a ■■■■■ who gets a kick out of making defensive arguments out of nothing.</p>
<p>socnerd: My father-in-law, who is a very good and caring man, took very good care of his children. He covered all of their expenses except for my husband, who is actually very much like his father; hard-working, generous and caring. As adults, both of my husband’s older siblings kept coming back home whenever life through them a kink. My father-in-law never hesitated to pick them up, protect them, give them a lot of money and try to get them back on their feet. Eventually, over the years both ended up moving back home, dependent on dad and resentful about it. One of the hardest things about being a parent is watching a child struggle and letting them fall. My father-in-law felt as a father he always needed to save them and they learned that they couldn’t save them selves. </p>
<p>Now, even though my husband was independent there was one time in our marriage (during a job loss) when he wanted to fall back on his dad. I wouldn’t let him, encouraged him to get back up and go fight. He did and it did wonders for his self-esteem.</p>
<p>Now, socnerd, I am not saying you are going to end up like my husband’s siblings as my parents were more like your parents were. I was raised to be independent after college. My parents covered most of my expenses through my undergraduate program at a state school. I did work and earn most of my spending money, but honestly, my husband, who I dated in college, covered most of my entertainment expenses, so I saved my money.</p>
<p>I was very grateful that my parents were in a position to put me through college and when my mom asked me to hurry up because I had another sibling behind me, I took heavier class loads and finished a semester early. I never would have never considered expecting my parents to pay for my graduate school and years later when I did go to grad school my husband and I paid for it. My husband did go to grad school right after undergrad because he earned a full-ride.</p>
<p>Socnerd: I urge you to reread your posts. The tone implies a sense of entitlement. Parents aren’t obligated to cover college expenses. I am happy mine did, but if they didn’t want to or if they couldn’t I would have gone part-time and worked to put myself through. My husband covered most of his schooling as his older siblings used up so much of the family education savings with their school choices. People do what they have to do and if you work as hard as you claim, you probably would have found a way to get your education without your parents help if they were unable to, but your tone makes you sound spoiled - not hard-working. Just reread, because if this if the same tone you emit in person, you may end up not realizing as much success as you might be capable of.</p>
<p>Can I ask (with all honesty) why everyone is so adverse to co-signing? My father is very adament that he doesn’t want to do anything but cosign, so that all the loans are in my name, and I am responsible for them.</p>
<p>I’ve heard people mention their credit but…is that the only reason?</p>
<p>Yurtle, even though the loan is in your name, if your father co-signs his name he is also on it and it does effect his credit. If, for some reason you are unable to make your payments, that responsibility will fall upon your dad and that could cause strain in the relationship.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Not to make it seem like I would ever plan to default; or that I would do it just to spite my father, but our relationship is strained to non-existent to begin with. But thank you; I wasn’t sure if that was the only reason or not. I feel then, that I was correct in proposing to him that perhaps cosigned loans in my name as the first option of covering the EFC was probably not the (first) best option for him as it involved his credit.</p>
<p>Yurtle, your relationship with your father can’t possibly be as bad as you say it is – or he would have refused to cosign at all. He is under no legal obligation to give you any financial support whatsoever after age 18. The vast majority of teenagers in the US do not get financial support from their parents for college, except for the continued ability to live in their parents’ home if they so choose – they graduate from high school, they get jobs, they attend community colleges or local public colleges where they can commute to school. </p>
<p>If the cosigned loans are for a substantial amount, then your Dad has put a lot on the line for you. If you miss a payment, the lender will be able to come after him. If you are unable to pay – even for a good reason – he will be on the hook for the entire amount.</p>
<p>No person in their right mind would cosign a debt for someone else unless they cared very much for that person. </p>
<p>I have a feeling that the tension between you and your Dad runs both ways, and that you could do a lot to strengthen and improve your relationship if you tried. Maybe there is a conflict in personalities that makes it difficult, or a disagreement over your course of studies that is at the heart of your father’s desire to make you the primary stakeholder in your education. </p>
<p>I do have to say that if I was a parent considering cosigning a note and I read your posts, it would give me pause – simply because it would underline the fact that kids don’t always appreciate that it is a significant gesture and potential sacrifice on the part of a parent. I can see why a parent might feel that the cost of a college education should be borne by the person who is getting it – and at the same time feel that loans were appropriate so that the money could be paid later, at the time that the person has the earning capacity that the college education brings. So your dad has provided you with the means to the education you want. </p>
<p>That you can’t see that as a gesture of love and respect is unfortunate.</p>
<p>Actually, I’m against both co-signing or taking on additional parent loans, given our circumstances. Our $25K EFC is significant, but I think it’s a fair amount to pay for us. However, since DS already has two reasonable courses of action (full ride at the third tier school or the offer from the second tier school that meets need with only Stafford loans in the package) I don’t think it makes sense to take on more debt if he decides he wants to go to one of the schools we haven’t yet heard from.</p>
<p>In our case we have a second child who will want to go to college some day, and DH is in the process of filing for disability due to young onset Parkinson’s Disease. While our finances are ok right now, debt is something I’m opposed to if there are other reasonable courses of action. We don’t really know what our future finances will look like, so we are keeping our debt to a minimum.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>My parent’s divorce decree has other obligations stated out- so yes, he does have legal obligations to me. My dad and I have no qualms over a course of study- he has never offered his opinion, nor has he suggested any have been bad ideas (I’ve asked.) The fact that all in all; we get along quite well when push comes to shove is also part of it. </p>
<p>My dad’s offers to cosign my loans, however, come with an attitude all their own. I’m not worried about why he does it, only that I can have the opportunity, and pay him back for it. As far as I’m concerned, I’ve been more than civil and grateful to him for it, and have done everything I can to make the process easier on him. </p>
<p>I understand loans in his name would be a big “sacrifice”. I also understand he has the means to ensure I don’t have to take out any loans at all. I further understand I’m lucky to get the loans at all. </p>
<p>I’m appreciative- that doesn’t mean we have to be the best of friends.</p>
<p>I’m against co-signing for a few reasons…</p>
<p>1) I have more than one child. What I do for one, I have to be willing to do for the other. </p>
<p>2) Co-signing loans is often a multi-year process. I don’t want my kids having to depend on my ability to co-sign loans for the future years of their education. </p>
<p>3) My credit is negatively affected while the loans are outstanding. Even if they aren’t in default, that debt will still count against me if I need credit for another reason.</p>
<p>4) Co-signing loans often involves students choosing more expensive schools than necessary.</p>
<p>5) and the most important reason… co-signing loans come into play once Stafford loans are exhausted. Stafford loans - alone - are about $30k total. So, co-signing means bgi debt upon graduation. Most kids can’t afford to pay back big loans after graduating. Why would I want to be a part of what will likely cause my child to have extra struggles during a large part of his young adult years?</p>
<p>*
My parent’s divorce decree has other obligations stated out- so yes, he does have legal obligations to me. *</p>
<p>Wait…if your parents’ divorce decree mandates that he contribute X amount to your education, then he is NOT fulfilling the mandate by co-signing loans that YOU will have to pay back.</p>
<p>What exactly is the mandate and how is your dad fulfilling it?</p>
<p>Megmo, given your husband’s health issues, I would agree that YOUR family should not be taking on more debt. I did borrow to help meet my EFC for my kids, but my financial picture is different, and I very clearly had the concept of “net worth” in mind in figuring how much I could borrow. That is, even though I opted for an unsecured PLUS loan over a home equity loan, I looked at my retirement savings and home equity as part of the overall picture. </p>
<p>So the whole debt issue is and should be part of a bigger, financial planning issue. A family with a reliable income and a good nest egg is obviously able to include some borrowing as part of their overall financial planning. A family with looming medical costs and likely reduction of earning capacity is in a very different situation. </p>
<p>Congratulations again to your son for having such excellent offers already. I am also sure that with his dad’s medical issues, he will probably feel a lot happier down the line with the knowledge that his college education is not placing an undue burden on the family.</p>
<p>I agree with M2CK, the loans that require a cosign come into play after the full stafford options are exhausted, so there should be discussion about the advisability of taking on that much debt.</p>
<p>Regarding cosigning in general, I would never do it. We cosigned a lease once and ended up paying several months rent for an empty place that we could not release and yet would have killed our credit had we not paid.</p>
<p>An elderly relative cosigned for a friend to buy a car, he found out it was being repossessed when his credit card company reduced his credit limit on his master card from $30,000 to $1,000 due to her late payments- ouch! And if it happened to a person in their 40s/50s it could negatively affect many things in life. If you are considering cosigning, you are better off to borrow and repay your own loan with the bank and loan that money to the family member and let them repay you, at least you protect your credit that way.</p>
<p>Late to the party, but I so NO to co-signing loans. Kids need to go to a school the family can afford. If they don’t, the debt they take on will crush them down the road. Teenagers are all about instant gratification. Adults should know better (I say “should” - don’t even get me started on how many don’t …). </p>
<p>It’s risky to co-sign. It’s not necessary to need to borrow more than the offered federal loans (if it is … go elsewhere). Sorry, but living within one’s means should be the first lesson we teach our kids.</p>
<p>Absolutely don’t cosign a loan. If you can pay for it yourself joyfully, then do so. Otherwise, the kid needs to go to a more affordable college.</p>
<p>No cosigning here. Our feeling is that Stafford loans (at the old limits, about $19k) is enough indebtedness for UG. If we feel the need to borrow $$ for college, we’ll do it ourselves. We feel thankful that this will be limited to a portion of the costs for the two years both kids are in college. I’m doubly thankful that my health permits me to work PT in my career field (after being home on medical leave for five years), so that everything I make can go to college expenses. S1 has also taken his role seriously and contributed 40% of COA via scholarships, Staffords and work. (He knew up-front that turning down a full ride would mean he’d have to have a bigger financial stake. He is fortunate to have well-paying skills.) The rest of the time we squeeze the lifeblood out of every single penny. ;)</p>
<p>We won’t be co-signing car loans after graduation, either.</p>