<p>It says in the letter that the roommate asked her to sign a letter stating that the child could spend 6 consecutive nights. It didn’t say whether she signed the letter, what the reaction was when she refused, or whether housing would have approved it even if she had signed. We don’t know any of that.</p>
<p>I think that letter could have meant a variety of things. On one hand, the first thing I thought was that the child lived at a distance and the mom was hoping to be able to bring the child for one longer visit (one a month, since that’s what would have been allowed, or one a year, not sure), but there was also a reference to “emergency situations” which made me think that perhaps the child’s primary caregiver had asked mom to take her six days straight. It seemed clear that the six days was a firm limit that the dorm was prepared to enforce.</p>
<p>I imagine that if the child had been living in the room, even for 3 days total, the roommate would have had some kind of anecdote to add. Even if the child hadn’t really misbehaved, the rooommate would have said “The child went to sleep at 8 and my roommate wanted the lights off” or “The child touched my stuff” or “The roommate went to the bathroom while her child was asleep and I had to ‘babysit’”. Instead all of her complaints were couched in speculative language. This is what makes me think that the child wasn’t there for very long during those first 9 days, and possibly not at all. However, I am definitely speculating.</p>
<p>Oldfort, it was apparently a suite, but same point, this was ridiculous. And bound to happen, as long as RDs continue the “work it out” policy between roommates, not a “rules are rules” policy.</p>
<p>I thought it was a shared room within a suite – at least that’s how I read it. </p>
<p>Where do you get that the university said “work it out”, and left it at that? The quote from the RD pretty clearly says “I’ll look into it”, and things got fixed in about a week or less. As far as saying it should be “rules are rules”, I think the problem is that the rules, as written, clearly allow this. Maybe they shouldn’t, OK, probably they shouldn’t, but right now they do.</p>
<p>Jane, you keep coming up with one hypothetical situation after another. It is just as likely the child had been living with grandparents, siblings or his father, in the NYC area, and the mother saw this as a way to get more time with her child. And instead of applying for family housing (likely more expensive), she just planned on moving the kid in. 6 nights in a row may have mean 6 days every week, and then one night at grandmas. A 6 night limit is meaningless. 6 nights a year might have some meaning. I hope to god this mother never applies to work at my office, because she seems as if she expects the village to raise her child.</p>
<p>From the director, seems like “work it out” to me.</p>
<p>Crisman responded to my concerns by telling me that he his “reviewing this situation thoroughly,” and that “open, honest, thoughtful communication between roommates beforehand is helpful in alleviating concerns/issues.
Perhaps some compromise could be worked out between everyone."</p>
<p>He should not have been looking for compromise.</p>
<p>First of all, I have to say I feel for any 4 year old who would have had to spend time in my room when I was 19 or 20. I was an awful slob and my head was up in the clouds most of the time. I shudder to think what that poor kid might have gotten into, how I would have reacted to him, or how sick he might have gotten living in my mess. Honestly, I can’t wrap my head around how a university could open itself up to the sort of liability that this sort of regular stay invites.</p>
<p>I also have to wonder how upfront the mom was when she filled out her room request. It seems to me that there’s a real difference between having an occasional, not pre-planned guest over and a son or daughter. And whether or not a roommate might turn out to be inconsiderate or abuse the guest policy in other ways, that’s a different wrong that also would have to be addressed. Neither experience is ok and I’m not sure why we’d compare them or minimize the difficulty of something so far outside what’s foreseeable in a college experience. </p>
<p>I don’t know about the rest of you but as appealing as college sounds to me when I see all the fantastic opportunities available to my kids, I think about the housing situation and realize I could never do that again. I have enough trouble sharing with my husband.</p>
<p>IMHO it’s not really an environment for a young child at all. When I think back to my fresher on-campus accommodation, I remember the sex doll that lived in our kitchen, the bottles of alcohol, the pervasive smell of weed, the easy access to knives and the fact that it wasn’t unusual to find a small bit of broken glass on the floor. </p>
<p>It was no place for a child, and certainly not one of 4.</p>
<p>I’m not sure why my situations are “hypothetical” when yours don’t even seem to match the article. The article, as well as another poster who seems familiar with the situation, both mention a limit of six night per month. It seems to me that if the roommate had been asked to approve a change to that it would have been mentioned. So, I’m not sure where your six nights a week scenario is coming from.</p>
<p>Just out of curiosity. Let’s assume that the RD didn’t know. The complaining roommate sends him an email on day 2 with her side of the story. What do you expect the RD to say besides “I’ll be ‘reviewing this situation thoroughly’”. Of course he can’t give an answer on the spot. He needs to a) find out whether it’s even the truth, b) probably consult someone who can interpret the rules from a legal standpoint, c) figure out what other options are available and d) have some kind of conversation with mom roommate. </p>
<p>Given that that can’t happen at the drop of a hat, doesn’t “open, honest, thoughtful communication between roommates beforehand is helpful in alleviating concerns/issues. Perhaps some compromise could be worked out between everyone” seem like a reasonable thing to say in the meantime? </p>
<p>And finally, once he realizes there’s a problem, what do you think is a reasonable time frame to identify a solution? I’m going with a week. Which, assuming her heard on the first day of the semester, would be the 15th. The roommate was out by the 17th.</p>
<p>Jane - There should be no compromise on this issue. As there was not. He could say I have to get back to you. I am not arguing about how much time this would take, but rather the dircector looking to compromise. RDs have to stop with the compromises, and the “work it out amongst yourselves” </p>
<p>I did not read the 6 days a month, thank you, but that is still way too much. </p>
<p>This student had a child, and it is on her to raise the child, not other students. I think that NYU realized, even if the idiot director did not, that people are not going to pay 60G per year to babysit.</p>
<p>I do hope they are reviewing the mothers application for any lies.</p>
<p>^^68 It really doesn’t matter. The mother should have been out in front of this and not even created a situation where the roommate had to go to an RA. 4 year olds do not belong in college dorms. When you have a child there are certain things that have to change in your life and while the mother might be of an age where dorming might be a solution for HER sans the child it is not a solution for having her child with her. No dorming student regardless of age expects to have young child running around for hours on end nor should they expect to have young children running around except perhaps on move in day or parents weekend or an occasional parent visit. There are many places where young children are simply not welcome and many more places where they are not welcome for extended periods of time. Not one sentence in the student’s letter talked about this being an emergency or an extraordinary situation. I suspect there was no emergency or extraordinary situation. The mother was not open and honest when she signed up for the dorm room IF she had an inkling that she might want her 4 year old overnight.</p>
<p>Curious, the NYU policy allows RDs to override the 6 nights a month rule. I do not know if the writer was concerned that her roommate would try for overrides. Also, there is no limit on daily guests.</p>
<p>I can’t believe that I’m actually researching NYU’s housing policies, but having just read them they don’t reference any kind of mechanism for making an exception, either to the limit on 3 consecutive nights, or the limit on 6 nights total. I wondered (and yes this is hypothetical) when I read this if perhaps the mom had claimed an “emergency”, real or otherwise, as the reason for asking for the six consecutive days. However, it doesn’t sound like that request was granted. Whether that’s because they don’t make exceptions, or because the rooommate didn’t sign, or whatever.</p>
<p>Emergency is not addressed, so I have to wonder if it part of what gets one an overried.</p>
<p>Guests may not stay overnight in the residence hall system for more than six (6) nights per calendar month, whether with the same or different hosts.</p>
<p>Exceptions to these procedures must be approved by the residence hall office.</p>
<p>NYU does not allow students under the age of 16 to dorm in NYU housing for their pre-college programs. It appears to be a set policy and has to do with liability. (no exceptions.)</p>
<p>If they can set that policy, I would imagine it is time to examine the liability issues involved with having a 4 year old signed into dorms.</p>
<p>My friend’s son’s freshman roommate (also a freshman) was married. The roommate’s wife was also a freshman at the same college–she lived upstairs in the same dorm with a female roommate. I just don’t get that. Even if the college required freshman to live in the dorms, it seems exceptions should be made for married students. This was last school year at a public university, btw.</p>
<p>atomom - the first thing I thought was, were these young people married secretly? It seems very odd to me that they would not live together, but maybe their parents didn’t know that they are married?</p>