<p>My son has learned that he will be in a two room double, which seems to mean one small bedroom and another larger bedroom/living room. The person who sleeps in the smaller room walks through the bigger room to leave the double to go to the bathroom, go to meals, etc.</p>
<p>Key facts: My son has a) a sleep disorder; b) frequently listens to audiobooks and always when he goes to bed and c) can't think when music is playing. He hasn't been a partier (sp?) to date and is unlikely to become one. After surgery to improve sleep apnea, he has been having trouble falling asleep and has difficulty falling back asleep if awakened in the middle of the night. He was using a CPAP machine to sleep. He is not currently doing so, but may at some point need to do so again. His sleep doctor says that he should maintain a relatively constant schedule for when he goes to bed and wakes up, although he has not been great about that recently. When he doesn't sleep well, he gets exhausted, and drags himself around until his immune system is worn out and then he gets sick. Finally, he's quite messy.</p>
<p>My wife and I would like to see him in the smaller bedroom, so that he isn't awakened in the middle of the night by his roommate coming in late or getting up and can go to sleep on schedule without interruption. His sleep doctor had suggested he get a single, but my son didn't want that because he thought having a roommate would be part of the normal social growth in freshman year.</p>
<p>Here's the question on which we are seeking advice:</p>
<p>If we could arrive very early to get his keys, would it be appropriate to get the keys and put him in the smaller room before the other roommate arrives? Or, should he get his stuff in the room and then talk it over with the roommate? Or should he converse with the roommate via email to decide?</p>
<p>I'm trying to remember how we decided who got the upper and lower bunks (and which rooms) in my freshman year. I can't recall. Was it first come first served or by decision? What has been your childrens' and your experiences?</p>
<p>Can he or you talk to the college health services and get assigned to the smaller room? It seems like he needs it for his health, and the college would be likely to agree.</p>
<p>Why didn’t you follow the doctor’s advice earlier when the school could have accommodated him with a single? What if the school can’t find a single at this late date? Maybe he should live off campus in an apt?</p>
<p>Your son should contact the roommate and try to work it out with him in advance.</p>
<p>It seems to me like (1) you are making a relatively simple situation unduly complicated, and (2) there is an undue amount of parental thinking about in issue that is clearly something the two roommates need to work out between themselves. </p>
<p>If your friend and the roommate can’t come to terms, then you’ve got an issue … but even then its an issue that your son needs to work out with the appropriate staff at his college.</p>
<p>I agree with Mominva that it’s probably more likely a two room double whereby one room is intended to be the bedroom and another a lounge/study type area. I have to say, hwoever, if your son has little ability to sleep if at all disturbed, his desire to have a typical freshman roommate situation MIGHT be really hard (and slightly inconsiderate of a roommate). My FIL has a sleep apnea machine, as does my mom and both are really quite loud. So for as much as you’re concerned about son’s sleep, have you considered how all of his needs will affect the roommate? I’m just saying, it’s something to think about. On the other hand, it will be good that the room can be for sleep and you wont have a roommate up studying late at night (and is what the lounge would be for).</p>
<p>In any event, have them connect via email or facebook to talk about it.</p>
<p>I don’t know how your son is going to maintain a constant schedule while living in a dorm.
Dorm=noise at all hours of the night. Even in the best of situations, there is some degree of noise in the dorms at night.</p>
<p>He should have requested a single and included documentation from his physician. </p>
<p>Because he chose not to live in a single, it’s time to release control and let your son and the roommate work this out. Stay out of it. </p>
<p>Do you think it is fair to drop this info on the roommate when he arrives on campus? Don’t you think it’s better that the two of them discuss this before moving in? Put yourself in the shoes of the roommate’s parents who are also shelling out $$$ for their son’s living arrangement.</p>
<p>My freshman roommate got to our shared drom room first. Since he was 6’5", he went ahead and took all the top drawers in the dresser, and also took the bed farthest from the door. I’m 6’2" and had all the bottom drawers, and he accidentally kicked my bedpost every morning on his way out the door for his first period class.</p>
<p>But it was all right, really. There’s so much going on in the life of a college freshman that little things like that are just not that big a deal. I’d say have your son mention his preference in an e-mail (no need to pile on every conceivable reason). If it doesn’t work out, they can always switch rooms.</p>
<p>At D’s college, the roommates were instructed to wait until the other roommate came to make decisions such as which roommate gets which room. In the room across the hall, the first girl in took the biggest bedroom–it caused a big stink with each set of parents yelling at each other. Not the way you want to start your roommate relationship…</p>
<p>I think the girls could have worked it out all right by themselves. But once a Mamma Bear thinks that someone is taking advantage of her cub, fur can fly.</p>
<p>He should just email his roommate, explain the problem, and ask for the smaller room. If I got a polite and considerate email like that from a future roommate I’d definitely agree to take the other room. Don’t get the school to “assign” him the smaller room, because then the roommate might feel offended that you went around his back and took the room without consulting him, when he’d more than likely just give it up if you ask. Also, let your son deal with this, don’t get too involved. Often, parents getting involved blows up a fairly simple situation (like this one) and makes it into a much bigger deal than need be.</p>
<p>Please, have him talk to the roommate directly. My son had a divided double (at Reed) his first year, and it was <em>much</em> better for them to work it out themselves. BTW, what you think is the best situation isn’t always when you get there. My son and his roommate had agreed son would get the smaller “inside” room, but when they arrived, room was too small for my son’s futon (he’s tall and had brought a bigger bed!) Though there was some “parents should decide” moments with the roommate’s family, eventually we all stepped back and they chose to switch the original agreement. It ended up being a good idea because the roommate was up every night making out (and more) with a girl my son had nearly started dating the summer before! </p>
<p>BTW, unlike other posters, I am not assuming 1 room is for study, 1 is for sleep. Usually a “divided double” these days ends up being two bedrooms. While in past generations students may have used a more traditional bedroom/study room format, many colleges have found that studends want to have their own rooms, privacy, etc and redistribute the furniture anyway. Way back, they didn’t let opposite sex people in dorms as easily as they do now, so there’s more late night uh, stuff.</p>
<p>It really doesn’t matter what a “divided double” is because students often rearrange the furniture to their tastes and preferences, sometimes several times. I agree that you should stay out of it, but encourage your son to discuss in advance with the roommate. Tone is important here, he doesn’t want to come across as entitled. </p>
<p>The school in question usually uses the rooms as 2 bedrooms, not 1 bedroom + living room. I agree that he schould try to facebook the roommate and simply say what the OP conveyed here. Personally, I don’t think that being said, that there should be a problem. </p>
<p>If roommate has a problem with this and if your sons sleeping seems to be working out okay, they could switch rooms for 2nd semester.</p>
<p>Choosing a bed/room before the roommate arrives is sneaky and obnoxious if there is a substantial difference in the nature of the living arrangements for the two people.</p>
<p>What you’re talking about is not a matter of choosing the bed next to the window versus the one next to the door. It’s a difference that really matters.</p>
<p>I think the two of them should discuss it before they get there. </p>
<p>I also think your son should have asked for the medically recommended single, but it is probably too late to do it now, unless the doctor would be willing to make the case that the problem has arisen/worsened over the summer.</p>
<p>As for audiobooks and things like that, the courteous college student living in a double wears headphones when listening to them.</p>
<p>Ouch. I think the adjectives above are a tad strong, but I agree, an email or msg. via facebook or something to the prospective roommate is in order so he isnt surprised when he arrives. First, they do have to live together all year and its best to start off on a good note. Second, for all you know the roommate might arrive earlier and snare the smaller room!! Good communication is the best plan. Good luck.</p>
<p>The OPs son needs to contact the roommate. For all he knows…the roommate has a similar need for that smaller bedroom. </p>
<p>Also, if the OPs son has trouble sleeping…does this mean he could be walking through the other kid’s sleeping space in the middle of the night? That also could be an issue for the roommate.</p>
<p>Talk to roommate first. Get on waitlist for single ASAP. Someone with such specific sleep problems should be in a single. Anyone who has issues re noise, etc. needs to consider additional earplugs, white noise machine etc. for college dorms.</p>
<p>Sorry to say but normal social growth often includes a blow up with roommate. For every pair of lifelong friends, it often seems like there is a match made somewhere south of heaven.</p>