<p>Absolutely not. The following paragraph is the key for me:</p>
<p>“She’s instead taken to giving small gifts to my son at school - sending him $100 here or there. It’s nice but obviously doesn’t go towards tuition or books. It’s spent at Chipotle and Buffalo Wild Wings.”</p>
<p>Why doesn’t it go towards tuition or books? Why doesn’t your son put that money towards his meal plan (if in a dorm) or groceries (if living off campus)? A hundred dollars topped off my son’s meal plan to cover the last few weeks of the semester. It would go a long way towards one of his textbooks, which he then sells and applies towards subsequent purchases.</p>
<p>What does your son do to help with the costs of his education? What will your daughter do? They should be the ones you go to first for a contribution of a few thousand dollars per year. That’s not a lot of money, and taking out a very small Stafford loan per year if they can’t cover it with a summer or part-time job is a reasonable request.</p>
<p>Does the college kid have a part time job to help pay for his own expenses? If so, how much of those expenses is he covering? If he doesn’t have a job, he needs to get one now. If the only gap is $1-2K he can take out a small Stafford Loan. The kid should have some skin in the game. That way he will be able to determine for himself whether or not Grandma’s random cash gifts should go to his book fund or an occasional trip to Chipotle.</p>
<p>If you were truly hard up, the answer might be different, but given your family financial situation, asking Grandma to chip in is just plain tacky.</p>
<p>If they wanted to contribute and/or felt that they could contribute to college costs, they would have offered. Since they have not offered, I would not ask. There is a chance that the request might not be received well and there may be hard feelings and things said that you/they could regret.</p>
<p>I’m in agreement with Northeastmom. The fallout if the grandparent says “no”, leaving resentment on both sides is not pretty. I’ve been to funerals where events involving money issues happened years ago, yet are still hotly discussed amongst some family members. </p>
<p>I think there is a bit of a disconnect here as it seems that you don’t want your children to be financial stakeholders in the funding of their education, but you think that their retired grandmother should be. If your kids need 1-2k to make it happen, let them get jobs, work some overtime, let your wife get a part time job (if she is not already employed), cut down on some of your spending. </p>
<p>If you review your bills, you probably can find 1-2k in cost savings. Since daughter has not gone to college yet, sit her down, talk to her and guide her toward some less expensive options or schools where she may be in a position to get merit $$.</p>
<p>Let your kids take out Stafford loans as they can borrow 2k (subsidized where the interest is paid by the govt while they are in school). If you find that it is so egregious for them to have debt, pay the loans off monthly during the school year $200/month so at the end of the year there is no longer any debt.</p>
<p>At the end of the day, it is you and your wife who are first in line when it comes to paying for your child’s education. You have also made a choice that you don’t want your kids to take on debt. You should not be imposing your life choices on others. </p>
<p>As other parents have stated if their grandmother offered to pay, they would have offered. No, it is not OK to hit your MIL up for $. If your wife is not going to her own mother to ask for money for her children, I do believe that it is not your place to ask her for money. Does your wife have siblings? If she does, I can imagine the strife this will cause in your family. If one of my siblings were to do this to my parents, I would be livid.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t ask. You don’t really know MIL financial situation. (Is her husband still working because they can’t afford not to? Is he supporting her? ) </p>
<p>And it will point out is that your dad covered the majority of your children’s college expenses, and you haven’t saved enough to cover the rest. That is probably a bit more financial knowledge than you want your MIL to know about you.</p>
<p>No way - the grandparents aren’t obliged legally or morally for paying your kids’ college costs regardless of how wealthy the grandparents are. If you want to pay it then go ahead and pay it. If you don’t want them to have a loan to cover this little crunch time you’re in then you can get a loan yourself to cover it and then pay it back since you imply that you’re able to cover it once you get past this overlap crunch.</p>
<p>You should also not make any assumptions about their wealth since you don’t know all of the details and regardless, they can have conditions later in their lives that could eat up all of the money they have.</p>
<p>Don’t ask them to give you money and importantly, don’t hold any animosity towards them over them not offering up money.</p>
<p>I would certainly clear up the misconception that college is all taken care of by the grandfather. I would speak with my MIL, but rather than ask for tuition help, suggest she send those nice $100 gifts with a note saying she hopes it aids toward their education. Another words, ask her to nudge grandkids to spend it wisely and not blow it on a night out with friends.</p>
<p>Even if I were Bill Gates, I would have my kids take a loan and put some skin in the game. For many, it is not a real investment unless they see the dollars and cents of it.</p>
<p>I couldn’t even imagine asking. My parents have 7 other grandchildren, my inlaws have 4 others. None are really in a position anyway.</p>
<p>I feel like it’s the parents responsibility, then the child’s. It wouldn’t even occur to me to have the conversation. </p>
<p>If the student doesn’t have a job, now is the time. If you are truly having financial issues, it’s time to address them and come up with a plan and budget on how tuition will be covered.</p>
<p>If the shortage is just $1-$2K a year, is there some reason your children cannot work during the summer for this? All families handle college funding differently but our kids are expected participate in their funding. Our expectation is just personal expenses but they have saved enough to cover these needs, if managed wisely.</p>
<p>You are looking at $1K-$2K per year in needed funding? I know you want your kids to graduate debt free. How about this…they take the Stafford loans in this amount…and as a graduation gift, YOU pay the loan repayment. An $8000 loan would be about $100 a month…not much.</p>
<p>I would do THAT before I would ask my inlaws for money. In addition, if we needed money from my inlaws…it would be THEIR kiddo (my husband) who would be doing the asking, not me. And it would be a request for a LOAN, not a gift of money. And yes, my inlaws could afford to do this easily.</p>
<p>I think OP must have gotten his question answered by now.
There seems to be a rare consensus on CC.
No, do not ask the grandparents for more money.
Kids should take out Stafford loans &/or get jobs to cover the small gap between 529 acts & parents contributions.
If anything, it perhaps will start to teach them about financial responsibility for their own needs.</p>
<p>I agree with this … if this were our family the scenario would go something like this. The parent who is the child of the grandparents would talk to them about borrowing the money … offering to sign a formal loan agreement and offering a better interest rate than the grandparents currently receive in their conservative investments (say 1/4 point better than their CD or bond fund). This could yield a low cost loan … or maybe open a disscussion about avoiding the loan through a gift.</p>
<p>PS - I have talked my parents on behalf of my sister and suggested the following (when she and her husband were buying a house … and knowing my parents are leaving their estate to my sister and I) … why not loan my sister the money with the terms listed above (paying slightly more than their conservative investment) … however do not have my sister pay back the principle; just deduct it from her inheritence. (Idea stolen from a friend’s family)</p>
<p>The “and has never so much as asked” part of this makes it sound as though you believe she should have offered help. That sounds a tad bit like an entitlement attitude going on to me. I actually hope I am wrong. It would certainly be generous of her to offer to help, but she has no moral obligation whatsoever to fund YOUR children’s education. Just because she lives on a golf course in “a McMansion” doesn’t mean she has the means to fund both her retirement and the education of others. And even if she does have the money, there should never be the hint that she should be giving it away.</p>
<p>I don’t see why it is “obvious” that grandma’s $100 here and there doesn’t go towards books or other essentials. Doesn’t the student make enough in the summer to pay for his own pizza & Buffalo Wild Wing sprees?</p>
<p>This is sounding too much as if you are asking mother in law to give money to you and husband.</p>
<p>As I see it, if you and husband are $2000/year short on funds, two options would be “kid earn an extra $2000/year toward tuition” or “kid take out a $2000 loan” - I would not take out the extra $2000 loan myself.</p>
<p>If we were in this situation, I would ask my spouse to ask his well-to-do mother if college kid could borrow $2000 per year for the next four years of college. If spouse said mother in law was in general agreement, I would have college kid talk to her and make sure that a promissory note were signed to describe the terms of payment. </p>
<p>I don’t see any problem with this. If grandma is quite well-to-do, she may very well be able to give kid an interest-free or very-low-interest loan.</p>
<p>We will not be hitting up MIL for support. Many of you have made excellent points and called me on the carpet. I admit that I feel MIL has some obligation to offer help, as that’s what my parents have done and frankly what I plan to do when my kids have kids and if circumstances allow. But I agree that this is my choice and I have no right to feel entitled to that from MIL.</p>
<p>As for the kids paying some themselves, I did make a deal with my son that he work a co-op or internship assignment and put that to the cause. I believe this will happen but not yet as he’s only a soph. As for my daughter, who won’t have that opportunity, I told her she needed to get decent scholarships and that would be her share. And she has - a half ride at the school of her choice. So I think the kids are doing their part.</p>
<p>To those who say that the obligation falls on wife and I and not MIL, I say, gulp. You’re right. What she does with her $$ is none of my business.</p>
<p>My wife and I discussed this and she pointed out the obvious: the kids going to college and the high cost of this is not a secret to MIL and she could’ve offered any time to help. And didn’t. My assumption has been that HER assumption has been that all is taken care of, but certainly she could’ve asked that question and has not. So there you go.</p>
<p>I appreciate all the feedback. It’s exactly what I was after.</p>
