<p>My intent was to offer another differing perspective on grandparents/older relations’ role in supporting the education of younger relations. </p>
<p>Personally, there was no chance of doing a “comparison” for the following reasons:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>The only grandparent still living at the time I was in high school/college was from the branch of the family who subscribed to the perspective possessed by the majority of the posters on this thread.</p></li>
<li><p>Even if the grandparents inclined to financially support the education of younger relations were still alive and were financially able, I wouldn’t be eligible because my high school GPA would be well below what would be considered “exceptional academic promise”. That branch had exceedingly high academic standards.</p></li>
</ol>
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</p>
<p>That’s how a typical conversation in one branch of my family’s social circle in China/Taiwan would have gone…provided the high school academic performance of Biff and Muffy showed “exceptional academic promise”. A very high threshold considering even some T-20 LAC/University attending cousins wouldn’t have met that standard.</p>
<p>Grandparents paying for their grandchildren’s educations? Grandparents in DH’s and my families didn’t pay for their own children’s educations. </p>
<p>Our kids pay a good chunk more than $1-2k/year towards their expenses. It was a condition for the college of their choice.</p>
<p>Would not dream of asking GPs to contribute. We want them as solvent as possible as they approach the time where more nursing services and support will be needed – that’s when they will need their $$.</p>
<p>We want them as solvent as possible as they approach the time where more nursing services and support will be needed – that’s when they will need their $$.</p>
<p>no kidding- they still travel a lot- & seem to be in good health, but have no idea what their arrangements are for if their situation changes- unlike my mom- who had power of attorney set up along with copies of important papers for her kids- my inlaws haven’t said a thing to my H & he isn’t the type to ask.</p>
<p>@Beastman – your wife and mother-in-law don’t seem to want to communicate directly about this. I doubt your mother-in-law thinks that the tuition is taken care of. I think she doesn’t want to ask directly because she doesn’t want to help and it is easier to just not bring up the subject. I think if you asked and she said yes she would resent it and it wouldn’t be worth it.</p>
<p>My mother helped us with our kid’s tuitions, my father-in-law didn’t. I only got mad because he seemed to have an opinion about where they should go to school. If he isn’t helping to pay then he can keep his opinion to himself.</p>
<p>Emeraldkitty, I wish my parents had gotten to enjoy retirement and travel! </p>
<p>Mom has been totally bedridden since age 64 (is now 72). Dad will be 75 next month and does all of her intensive nursing and personal care (he was a surgical nurse). Both had major health issues this year and we know that things are going to only get more interesting from here. One of my sisters is local and helps out, but has a FT job and is not a medical professional.</p>
<p>Not much $$ for a nursing home for both of them, and my sibs are not in a position to help. Am trying to get my folks to focus on what they need vs. supporting various sibs.</p>
<p>I still tend to believe that by the time the grandkids are in college that most people should have a decent idea of how the elders are doing financially. I wouldn’t expect them to sacrifice or risk their financial security. My MIL has always stunk at finances and somehow my hubby has not followed her example. I would never expect her to contribute. My parents have always lived below their means and have a lot to show for it (invested–not actually showing). When 529 plans were introduced they opened one for each grandchild, we never asked. They really believe in education and I know we are really lucky. I think some of the conflicting sides on this thread are between those who think parents have the responsibility, and those who think the kids do. I raised my kids to go to college. That was my plan for them, so we are funding it (unless they mess up). S1 might have chosen not to go if he had to pay for it. He is a second semester junior, and over the past couple semesters he has seen what has become of the friends who didn’t go, and now he is glad he went and knows the importance of finishing.</p>
<p>In our family going to college was expected of my kids. I never told them when they were young that they would have to pay for it. Maybe if I had, they would have chosen tech school. Education is a gift we are giving in the hopes that it helps them to a successful life. They will each have student loans, and if they do well we hope to give them money to pay them. If they don’t perform, they can pay them themselves. It does give them “stake.” Perhaps the other grandparents (of the OP) could be informed of the student loans the children have when they graduate so they can give $ to help pay them (if they want). OP could tell the in-laws, “by the way, we were talking about graduation gifts for when grandchild graduates and we thought it would be neat if people gave them $ to help pay off their student loans…”</p>
<p>I am always a little surprised when families are not frank with each other on the subject of money. I think that by the time your parents are up in years, adult children should know 1) about income and assets, 2) where they are 3) insurance policies, etc. The children and the elderly parents should also have talked about estate planning and what to do if the parent becomes mentally unable to handle their own finances. </p>
<p>All family situations are different. Some GPs have earned the money. Other GPs are living on money THEY inherited from their parents. </p>
<p>Some elderly people really have no clue about the costs of college, or they have no clue that the estate tax may come back at levels that will affect their estates. Or on the other hand, some elderly people are spending too much and don’t realize how much nursing home care is or Alzheimer’s care. Open discussions without pressure, accusations or the like help. </p>
<p>Families will talk about anything, it seems, except money.</p>
<p>Regarding the appearance of wealth, i.e. living in a McMansion - there are plenty of people living in those and more humble abodes, who drive nice cars, take nice vacations, etc. who are leveraged to the hilt and really don’t have a lot of cushion and will be hitting a wall one of these days - something that seems to have happened to a lot of people in these last couple of years.</p>
<p>Another perspective - consider the potential costs the grandparents are facing as they age. They may be fairly comfortable now but as they get older they may get medical and mobility issues that can consume all of their money. Figure $2500-$5000 per month for assisted living (depending on needs) and $8000-$9000 per month for a skilled nursing facility. If the grandparents are responsible they’re considering costs like these and how they’ll pay for them so as not to burden the kids or taxpayers for the costs. They can do this by paying for long term care insurance, which is expensive and which the kids might not be aware of that they’re paying for, and by keeping the equity in their home so it can some day be a nest egg should they need it.</p>
<p>Personally my parents didn’t pay for my education and it honestly would have never occurred to me that they should (I know this is an alien concept for most on CC). I’m glad I was independent enough to pay for my own education and even more glad that I’m independent enough to pay for my kids’ own educations. I would never have dreamed of the grandparents helping with this and if they had offered, which they didn’t, I would have refused it anyway since I don’t think it’s their obligation or even a good use of their money which I’d rather have them enjoy and create a nest egg for themselves for the reasons I mentioned above.</p>
<p>FWIW, living in a McMansion means McMansion bills, maintenance, & property taxes as well and doesn’t mean that the person(s) living there have much cash flow or necessarily even good nestegg or retirement funds. Some folks get reverse mortgages or are very concerned about whether their funds will last long enough, especially if they may have (or develop) health conditions that may require significant costs and potentially long term care and/or medical assistance.</p>
<p>I am very impressed by those who choose to help with financial bills of others, including grandparents helping with grandchildren and others. I feel it is OUR obligation as parents to help provide as best we can so our kids can obtain college degrees. I feel VERY awkward asking others to pitch in and have never done so.</p>
<p>I also paid for my own education, mostly through merit aid & work-study and summer jobs. I was grateful that my folks helped complete forms so I could qualify for merit awards–even tho it was merit, it did require that we complete FAid forms. I am glad that we have been able to pay for our kids educations.</p>
<p>It strikes me as kind of snotty to refer to one’s parents’ or in-laws’ housing as a “McMansion.” I appreciate that McMansions aren’t to everyone’s taste, and they aren’t my own taste, but shouldn’t you be happy for your parents or in-laws that they live in nice, safe housing as opposed to not-nice housing?</p>
<p>I don’t. I don’t know what my parents or in-laws have in savings. They all appear to be living nicely (my in-laws have a home up here and a home in Florida; my father is living with a companion who owns 3 homes, two up north and one in Florida, and owns his own condo; my mother has a condo up north that she’s looking to sell and move downtown, with no plans to go south). Their money is none of my business, whatsoever. I hope they enjoy their retirement and “golden years” fully and spend their last dimes the day they die and that I get none of it.</p>
<p>Pizza, it’s none of your business until it becomes your business.</p>
<p>I have many friends who are now subsidizing elderly parents- ranging from “chipping in” a few thousand dollars here and there to help out with things like a motorized staircase to keep a parent in the home, all the way up to paying 10K plus per month for assisted living and an aide. It’s wonderful that your parents/in laws are apparently healthy and solvent, but that can turn very, very quickly given the high cost of care these days.</p>
<p>One friend actively discouraged a parent from purchasing long term care insurance. (the conversation went something like this… “5K per year? But you’re healthy. Sounds like a rip-off to me”. Fast forward three years later- that friend is paying 5K per month to cover the expenses that Medicare won’t cover after her mom’s stroke, all of which would have been covered by a long term care policy.</p>
<p>So yes- none of anyone’s business, until you’re on the hook to pay for it.</p>
<p>Frankly, most families could not chip in enough if there is a need for a nursing facility for an extended period of time. Many seniors who are already diagnosed with chronic illnesses could not qualify for long term car insurance. It needs to be purchased at the time one is relatively healthy. If a parent is going to need a nursing home for several years, it is probably going to wipe them out. After that, the costs end up being paid by taxpayers when they qualify for medicaid.</p>
<p>Northeast- that’s my point. The time for a person to buy long term care insurance is when they are healthy (living in a McMansion perhaps?) and not to wait until they actually need nursing care. For my money, I’d rather have a grandparent taking care of business (paying off mortgage, buying long term care, as well as enjoying their retirement) vs. having to struggle to pay nursing costs. I know many families where the siblings are covering the cost of care- it dwarfs the cost of college very quickly.</p>
<p>By that time, the son-in-law may be living in a McMansion and would take care of MIL? :)</p>
<p>Off-topic; I read somewhere that people on the average need only two-month nursing care and that if you can cover that the long-term care insurance is not worth it. Do you agree?</p>
<p>I’d like to bring one element in that I think has been missing from this discussion, and that’s estate planning. If grandparents are wealthy, then one of the best estate protection tools around is to pay for the education of their grandchildren. That money passes without inheritance or gift tax, and doesn’t take away from either the annual or lifetime tax-free gift limit. Indeed, if the grandparent is wealthy enough, she should for purposes of estate protection be giving cash to her children and grandchildren each year, as long as it doesn’t cut into what she needs for her own retirement.</p>
<p>Some older folks don’t understand this–it’s their business if they understand it and don’t want to do it anyway. Of course, many grandparents don’t have enough assets to make this a consideration, but for those who have that much, I think adult children might at least want to ask them if they’ve gotten estate planning advice.</p>
Like all insurance long-term care insurance is a losers bet for the buyer (otherwise the insurance companies would not be in the business) … however, I do not think people buying long-term care insurance are buying against the expected value; they are buying against the downside risk.</p>
<p>For example, my parents bought long-term insurance when they were about 70 and paid premimums for almost 10 years … I not know how much they pay … but let’s assume it was $50,000 (which I think is quite a bit too high). That’s certainly a big chunk of change if you never use the insurance or only use it a couple months … or … as happened my Mom developed Alzheimers and has been using the insurance for 2 1/2 years including 2 years in an assisted living center so far and will likely spend at least another 2-3 years in care … bottom line, the expenses paid dwarf the premimums paid. The long care insurance is insuring a somewhat unlikely event but an incredibly expensive event if it occurs.</p>
<p>Iglooo, tough to say, it is insurance. My mother bought hers when she was about 65 years old. At that point it was relatively “affordable” FOR HER (she is widowed, so it was one policy for one person, which is another consideration). She said that if she waited it would be too expensive to purchase later. She bought the type that pays out more as nursing facitlity prices increase. She is 80 years old now, so she has been paying on this policy for 15 years. She is still very healthy and independant. She has not needed to use this policy. She bought this in part because she would like to leave something to her children, but does not believe in giving away any of her assets in case she needs them while she is alive. She does not gift anything to children or grandchildren.</p>
<p>OTOH, my MIL needed a nursing facility at age 68. She did not have LTC insurance, nor could she afford it without someone else paying for it, nor would she have qualified for it because of chronic illnesses that she had at age 50. She ended up going through the few assets that she had, we “chipped in” along the way, and then the taxpayer paid for her care for years (she qualified for medicaid rather quickly). That is my point blossom. LTC is great if you are able to purchase it. Not everyone can, and many are not willing to pay for this insurance at age 45, in case they need it at age 92. If they want to buy it once college expenses are no longer an issue and they are age 60, 65, or 70, it might be too late because of their health conditions. In fact many cannnot buy at age 40 or 45 because of health issues. It is a big problem, but that is the situation. Frankly, I think it would be great if every 50-70 year old could buy this insurance with a preexisiting condition. I believe that it would save our government a monumental amount of money! Can you imagine the costs of caring for one person in nursing home for 2years, 5 years, or 10 years? Tax dollars are paying for many of these patients after their assets are long gone.</p>
<p>My husband and I purchased Long Term Care insurance a year ago after a lot of reseach. We ended up with a policy with a rider called “shared care” which allows us to share our years of coverage. Instead of both of us able to use five years, one of us could use 8 and the other 2 if necessarry. One of the biggest reasons we bought it was watching my MIL cope with Alzh. and the money it’s cost her. The likelihood of one spouse of a couple needing extended care is much greater. Our policy has liberal benefits for in home care but at a four percent increase per year in the amount of daily benefit we will have to reevaluate our coverage amount every few years to keep up with rising health care costs. If any thing happens to my husband and I am healthy I do not want to be his full time nurse nor would I want him to spend the last years of his life being my full time nurse. Neither one of us would want to live in a nursing home so we will hopefully not have to downsize and can keep our large home that has a separate guest apartment.</p>