I don’t want to get too personal, but basically I’ve never been in a clique in high school. I go to a semi-coed religious school so our cliques are a little different than other high schools (they’re mainly based on levels of religion). My grade specifically doesn’t have any “nerdy” kids i.e teens who are eager to learn. It’s really hard for me to find study buddies most of the time.
I’m friends with a lot of individual girls in my grade and other grades and some might even call me “close” or even “best” friend, but I’m not in any cliques. a lot of groups (with group text messages, hangouts, etc.) seem to be limited to other people in their grade and no one has invited me to join theirs.
I’m not antisocial and I hang out with these groups on trips. Last year I was in some group texts with one particular group, but they started making ones without me and the rest is history. Occasionally, I’ll feel left out, but I think it’s because I don’t really fit in at my school. Most students at my school are right wing and I’m left wing. My school specializes in STEM and I’m better at the humanities. I don’t want to sound like a loser, but I’m not sure where I went wrong. Sophomore year is almost over, and I don’t think I have a lot of hope left to join a group for the rest of high school. I’m part of a semi-clique outside of school with some friends I met through other programs, but at school I always feel like I’m doing something wrong.
Cliques are merely groups of friends. It sounds as though you have friends, though not as many or as close as you would prefer.
So, yes, it’s “Okay” that you’re not in a clique. But it sounds as though you would like to change things. So let’s talk about how you can do that.
For starters, lets talk about the friends you do have. It’s easy enough to be part of the texts and hangouts. All you have to do is be the one who makes the plans. Contact one you’re close with, and suggest a trip to the mall or lunch. Do things that aren’t dependent on being STEM/humanities or left/right wing. Grab pizza or ice cream. Go to the movies or roller skating. And, at some point, ask your friends if they have other friends they would like to invite along; that will broaden your circle of friends.
At school, join clubs that attract other like minded kids. Join yearbook or the school newspaper. Join the literary magazine. Do service-- the service activities can sometime attract a wide variety of wonderful kids.
Yes, it’s ok that you are not in a clique but it isn’t ideal for you that these groups have formed that you are not part of. Is there another school that you might like better? I wouldn’t assume that your classmates think you are a looser- they probably think you are not interested in them.
@wistfulwords You don’t mention colleges, but this sounds like an opportunity. Echoing the other posters, you should really start a humanities-themed club at your school. From what you report, there may be an unmet need that your club could satisfy. This is the definition of a “leadership EC”.
DD left a parochial school in elementary school. Cliques weren’t the reason we pulled her, but we truly were astonished to find that the public schools had far fewer cliques than the private one did and was more inclusive on the whole. Of course this is going to be very different from place to place and school to school, but based on our experience, perhaps you might talk with your parents about doing a shadow day at your local public high school to see if you think you might be happier there.
What defines a clique? I never really got that. I guess if it’s a concern, and it is for you, something to think about. But really, for many of us, it’s not even an issue.
My son is graduating and never found a “friend group”. He’s friends with various people but like you, OP, has never been totally included in one specific group… It has been tough for things like prom because friend groups would book party buses together, etc. He didn’t have the greatest social life, to be honest, but the good part is that he is so excited to move on to college whereas a lot of kids in his class are terrified and mournful of the high school years they are leaving.
It’s fine. I’m the ONLY Asian at my school of over 2000 students (at least, the only “true” Asian when it comes to academic standards with “true” Asian parents). I do have a large friend group but I’m not as close to the others as others are. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices.