<p>I don't really know if this post belongs here, but I know that my parents don't really listen to me about this stuff. </p>
<p>I've grown really close to one of my professors, and I've kind of grown to view her as an example of how I should be yet also someone that actually kind of cares about my life. She's young, and she's been helping me get more involved in my major, and we both marvel at how similar we are. I have a lot of anxiety, and she told me she's always struggled with that too. So she's been helping me get over this and seems to really care about how I'm handling it and progressing. She's been through so much in her life, and we're so similar in our motivations and outlooks, and i just really look up to her and want to be half as accomplished as her someday. </p>
<p>Due to all of this, I feel really close to her and it makes me feel good that someone cares. My friends think this is weird, and when my parents have listened to me, they said it's strange to be so "attached" to a professor. My father now always rolls his eyes when he hears me mention her. </p>
<p>So, IS it so wrong? I'm fairly advanced in my professor's subject, and I visit her every week to work independently on getting better. She's also written me some letters for internships and scholarships, and she's been nothing but supportive in all of my endeavors. </p>
<p>It feels like a natural, good relationship, but everyone else thinks it's weird. (we're the same gender, so it's not inappropriate like that.) </p>
<p>I think you’re fortunate to have her as your mentor! Just don’t expect special treatment from her and you should be fine. My dad is a professor and has mentored quite a few students over the years. He enjoys helping them out. He has gotten jobs for countless engineers all over the state of Texas.</p>
<p>As long as she isn’t giving you any signals that she thinks it’s time for you to move on, I don’t see a problem. Just remember that faculty members are used to having dozens, if not hundreds, of students pass in and then out of their tutelage and are thus more accustomed to “letting go” than you may be.</p>
<p>To have someone in your life for you to follow and look up to as a good example is always a good thing. Always be looking for your own way and don’t make the mistake of so closely identifying with them, that you lose yourself or forget to follow your own path. I am sure she will help you venture off, on your own eventually. It is nice to have someone you can share things with, IRL, although CC is a pretty good place to bring your challenges and successes. It may be hard for your parents to hear you becoming so close to someone outside your family. They may actually be a bit jealous of your closeness and of her good influence on you. Don’t worry about that because eventually everyone creates their own community of people away from your family. And this is a good thing and part of becoming independent. Eventually, you will stop caring so much, about parental approval.</p>
<p>There’s nothing “weird” or inappropriate about a faculty member becoming a mentor and close adviser to a student, especially a student in the same field with similar interests. Many professors really do care about their students and want to see them succeed academically, professionally, and even in their personal development. In fact, many see that as a pretty important part of their job and are happy to play that mentoring role, but find that many students, for whatever reason, prefer to keep their distance. Having been on both sides of such relationships, I can say that some even develop into lifelong friendships. Not a thing wrong with that.</p>
<p>The only way it would be inappropriate is if there’s any hint of a romantic or sexual attraction. I wouldn’t assume that can’t happen just because both parties are of the same gender. If it starts to proceed in that direction, you’d best terminate the relationship and keep your distance, not only because such a relationship gets complicated and messy for you, but because it’s completely inappropriate at a professional level for your professor, who could face serious disciplinary action up to and including termination under many schools’ sexual harassment policies.</p>
<p>Yes, agree with bclintonk. Sounds okay as long as nothing romantic or sexual seems to be going on. Two of my college roommates ended up marrying their professors. This was in the 70’s. Not sure this would happen today but not sure how that is playing out these days.One is still married and is a professor herself who has mentored lots of kids.</p>
<p>I think having a professor as a mentor is a great thing. I think however that your talking about her so much annoys your family because you have become close to somebody whom they don’t know and maybe haven’t even met. I know that the thing that is hardest for me as the parent of a freshman (and an empty-nester) is that I don’t get to know my daughter’s new friends, professors, etc. and they are sharing her everyday experiences with her instead of me. Also, your parents, up until this point, hoped that they were your primary role-models and may now feel they are being replaced. My advice is to make your parents feel they are still an important part of your life by communicating with them about your college experiences - tell them the everyday anecdotes, etc.</p>
<p>I would say it’s a definite positive. Maybe it’s not common among your friends and at your school, but it’s certainly not uncommon.
Your parents might feel a bit envious of your connection and may resent the fact that you’ve found someone else to look up to.</p>
<p>It is normal to have an affinity with your professor or boss and most people wouldn’t think it is strange. If your family and friends think it is kind of weird then that’s a red flag for me. It could be because you are talking about her too much or the extend of your reliance on her. I’ve had some good managers (mentors), but I wouldn’t bring them up in my conversation often with my friends. If people you are closest to think your relationship with your professor is too much then you may want to re-examine it.</p>
<p>I think the only unusual part from what you related is the degree of closeness along with your mentioning of her as a “support system”. </p>
<p>Some may view this as a bit “too close” for a professor-student relationship, but as long as it doesn’t violate ethical boundaries regarding favoritism/expectations or enters into the romantic territory, you should be fine. </p>
<p>One thing you may want to think about is to make more friends to augment your “support system” so you won’t be relying solely/extremely heavily on your Prof in that area. </p>
<p>I also wouldn’t mention her as much if you mention her all the time as that can be annoying for some people…especially peers and parents. </p>
<p>All in all, you are lucky you have a Prof with whom you have such a good rapport with. Few students ever get to that point. :)</p>
<p>As you’ve described it, there is nothing wrong with your relationship with this professor. However, I would encourage you to take classes and work with other professors too. Sometimes students stick close to one professor with whom they feel comfortable, sign up for all their classes, choose him/her as the advisor, etc. This is not good for personal, intellectual, or professional development. You should take classes with a variety of professors and get to know a couple more who can mentor and support you as you move through your program. Remember that no matter how much you like this particular professor, she is not your friend or your therapist.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the honest replies. I do feel like it’s a good thing, but I also agree that I shouldn’t become as “attached” as my parents see me becoming. It’s just hard not to sometimes when you see someone that actually gives a damn about you and your future. Guess I haven’t had very many good professors!</p>