<p>Let’s suppose that I am in Brown, and my roommate is a homosexual guy (btw, I am straight). Would I be allowed to change my roommate immediately?</p>
<p>It is possible to change roomates after several months, though I doubt for reasons of intolerance to someone else's sexuality. If having a gay roomate would make you so uncomfortable that you would have to change roomates, then maybe Brown isn't the place for you. In fact, most colleges, at least New England colleges, would probably not be a good fit. I don't want to sound preachy or self-righteous, and no one expects you to have to be best friends with your roomate, but if you are so immature or insecure or bigotted that you can't live with someone who is a homosexual, regardless of what your personal views are, then you are going to have a hard time at a tolerant and open minded place like Brown or any other university. For the record, I know that that sounds a little contradictory, that someone's views would make them have a hard time at a "tolerant" place. Brown students are actually extremely welcoming of all political views, but if those views are such a part of your life that they impact others (ie, you have to switch rooms to stay away from a gay roomate, you attack other people for eating meat) then most students would strongly dissapprove. This is true for both the right and the left - when PETA comes to lobby on campus there are plenty of students who rail against them, there's even a facebook group about it.</p>
<p>Can u tolerate being harassed by your gay roommate? I may be immature, as you said, but I can't really tolerate that. I am worried because I heard it happens in a lot of colleges nowadays.</p>
<p>I have several friends who are gay, and several other friends with gay roomates, and I have heard of no cases of "harassement." The fact that you would "immediately" change roomates, rather than even waiting to see if a problem developed, is really homophobic and intolerant. I'm not going to discuss it further.</p>
<p>Moat:
"I don't want to sound preachy or self-righteous"</p>
<p>way to go.</p>
<p>"but if you are so immature or insecure or bigotted that you can't live with someone who is a homosexual, regardless of what your personal views are, then you are going to have a hard time at a tolerant and open minded place like Brown or any other university"</p>
<p>is that tolerance? I think you're being a bigot yourself.</p>
<p>I personally have had an issue with this; since i would not be comfortable living with a homosexual roommate simply because of the different lifestyles that we would live. I can promise you, that i am at least 10 times more mature than you, at least because instead of sounding self-righteous, i know my limits and i know what makes me comfortable or uncomfortable. If you were as tolerant as you claim to be, you would understand that not all people grew up in the environment you grew up in; i'd rather be called a bigot by someone like you, than pretend that i just LOVE my roommate's lifestyle. If i were actually paying the full 45k a year, and i had to live in an environment that ****ed me off, i'd be furious.</p>
<p>to answer the actual question, you will need to come up with a better reason than "he's gay." Unless he's REALLY REALLY gay, i wouldn't worry about it for at least a few weeks. If it gets too much, you can talk to him and conclude that you two don't get along well. I'd expect them to change you at some point.</p>
<p>ignore this thread</p>
<p>Different lifestyles you would lead? 99% of the lifestyles of a homosexual and a heterosexual are the same, they both eat, sleep, study, hang out with friends, the only difference is that one is having sex with men and the other is having sex with women. If you think that one aspect is going to impact your life so heavily, then I think that's really just a weird reflection on you, even ignoring the aspects of sexuality. Hopefully, you wouldn't be around when he was having sex! You wouldn't have anything to do with it. If my roomate was THAT concerned with who I was having sex with, then I'D be the one asking for a roomate change! But a little more seriously, I'd be more concerned with getting a roomate who is constantly kicking you out to have sex with a woman, and I'd much prefer a roomate who was polite and understanding about when he had sex with a guy. I never said that yao had to LOVE his roomate's lifestyle. I never said that yao had to even APPROVE of his roomate's lifestyle. But so long as that lifestyle isn't detracting from your own (ie, preventing you from doing anything you are entitled to as a Brown student), and you only reason for moving is that you don't like gay people, well, I think thats just as wrong as if you didn't want to live with a black guy. I promise you that you're 10 times more mature than I am too, if it makes you happy.</p>
<p>I don't want to take this to new heights. I'll be very simple about this: If you were REALLY REALLY pro-life, believed that a single fertilized cell is life and is sacred, and your roommate was having abortions just for fun, would you not want to change roommates? I'm not comparing homosexuality with the murder of fetuses, rather comparing the seriousness of reactions these 2 particular issues invoke in people. </p>
<p>I hope before jumping to conclusions about tolerance you will understand that it's not just about limiting my abilities to do things i'm entitled to. It's about not having something in common with the person i might spend years living with, that something being a LOT more important to me than it may be to others.</p>
<p>You remind me of why the democratic party (without Clinton) hasn't won anything significant in quarter of a century. It's because when any important topic comes up, we do everything in our power to make make people who disagree with us feel terrible and guilty about themselves, generalizing people and jumping to serious conclusions with no significant basis. I do that on occasion, but it happens to me EVERY time i post in a controversial thread and dare to say something slightly politically incorrect.</p>
<p>Well, no one is asking you to spend YEARS with your freshman year roomate, so that's a bit of an exaggeration.</p>
<p>In response to your semi-ridiculous analogy, while I would "want" a different roomate, I still wouldn't change roomates. At a summer program I did last year I had a roomate who smelled TERRIBLE. I "wanted" a new or different roomate with all my heart, but of course I didn't change. Its none of your business what your roomate does in their personal life, and so long as its not effecting you, you should live and let live.</p>
<p>A more appropriate analogy, in my opinion, would have been if you were REALLY, REALLY against violent, anti-women, crude song lyrics. If it was your personal crusade. And let's say your roomate LOVES that kind of music. Well who cares? Ask him to use headphones, and you don't have to listen to it, its none of your business what they are listening to. Just like its none of your business who your roomate is having sex with, or, in your little metaphor's case, if they are having abortions "for fun" or not.</p>
<p>Or, imagine that your homosexual roomate upon arriving, asked your sexuality. You would answer, probably a little weirded out, heterosexual. Then imagine he immediatly applied for a room change. Well, you'd presumably be happy about that, but wouldn't you feel a little strange about the whole thing?</p>
<br>
<blockquote> <p>If you were REALLY REALLY pro-life, believed that a single fertilized cell is life and is sacred, and your roommate was having abortions just for fun, would you not want to change roommates?<<</p> </blockquote>
<br>
<p>If you were Christian and REALLY REALLY believed that Jesus is Lord and everyone should accept him (or Him if you prefer) as their savior, and your roommate was Jewish, or Hindu would you ask or expect to be able to immediately change roommates?</p>
<p>We're talking about Brown right? Not Bob Jones?</p>
<p>I think in general, at most colleges and universities, actions are the only legitimately accepted reason for asking for a change of roommate. Perhaps if a homosexual roommate constantly came on to you (fat chance) or a person of a different religion tried to interfere with your beliefs, proseleytise, or a roommate trashed the room, played music or tv loudly at hours which interfered with your studies. Then...., if the two of you could not work it yourselves and if after that, intervention by an RA did not remedy the situation, you might then have a valid reason to ask for and get a change of room.</p>
<p>Merely having a room mate of a different religious, sexual or racial background would not, should not, be a reason to immediately change room mates. Nor really should it. College is about learning more than calculus.</p>
<p>don't want to take the chance of getting a gay roommate? don't apply to brown. Or any ivy.</p>
<p>MoatToMoat, thanks for sticking up for the gays! You and Hanna are officially my favorite posters on cc. I find it very upsetting that one would request a roommate change based strictly on the basis of sexual orientation. Why should a singular characteristic like sexuality be the major determinant of who you are? Just like straight people, there is tremendous diversity (background, interests, etc.) amongst gay people.</p>
<p>Wow, immediately request a roommate change huh? Well, if you can make a snap judgement about a person within an incredibly short amount of time then all the power to you. As a gay guy myself, I'd say that if you can decide that if it makes you SO uncomfortable to live with a gay person then by all means request a roommate change. Although I have yet to have a negative experience, I would hate to live with someone if I knew that no matter how hard I tried I wouldn't be able to establish an amicable relationship and comfortable environment in my own room. Even though I would be somewhat hurt, I'd prefer the honesty and it would save me a lot of trouble in the long run. </p>
<p>By the way BullMooseandSqrl..what do you mean by "REALLY REALLY gay?"</p>
<p>No problem sweetsangria. Straight guys at Brown owe a lot to the queer community, SexPowerGod is the Queer Alliance's party after all.</p>
<p>living with a homosexual person will certainly be a new experience; there is a great chance that it will not make as uncomfortable as i fear. but you're downlplaying the whole roommate idea; you don't have to be best friends, but you must be amicable and be able to get along well. I am not making a full semester of dorm life suck for me just so that MAYBE one day i will be comfortable with having gay guys in my room. This may not be true of most people at Brown, but it's true of me, and probably most other males. </p>
<p>amor: i'll make sure i transfer out of brown next year because i would rather not have a gay roommate and becuase you were wise enough to let me know.</p>
<p>as sweetsangria mentioned, it'd be unpleasant for both.
Don't take too much meaning in my adjectives, i tend to throw words around. </p>
<p>you people need to understand that not all people are like you, some are more conservative and feel different about some controversial issues. Having the maturity of adults doesn't just mean following your own beliefs to the end; it means understanding that some people may disagree with you no matter how ridiculous, wrong and terrible that seems to you.</p>
<p>I find the original poster's question quite disturbing. This has nothing to do with being supportive of gay lifestyles or not. What it has to do with is forming a judgement about someone you have never met and requesting a room change based on someone else's sexuality. This is just as bad as requesting a room change because you do not like the color of the skin, nationality, or religion of the assigned roommate. The reason for not wanting to room with him is purely based on who he is without knowing a thing about him personally. You say you are afraid he would come onto you? I HIGHLY doubt that he is going to come onto you, a straight guy. Do you come on to every woman you meet? I hope not. Gay men are not going to go after you because you are a male. They are going go to seek other gay men, not straight ones. The ONLY way you would have any case here is IF IF IF the person DID something...harrassed you, had sex with others and kept you out of the room all night, etc. You are not asking to be switched based on something that happened (you have not even MET yet) but simply based on who he is. If anything, I am more worried that HE request a room change from someone with such an aversion and bigoted stance against who he is. </p>
<p>You say it is about wanting to have something in common with your roommate? Freshmen roommates are not really about having things in common. Assignments are fairly random and the goal should be getting along. IF you become friends and have things in common, that is icing on the cake, but the main thing is to be compatable as roommates. Often it means living with someone you DO NOT have something in common with. After freshman year, then you can choose who you want to live with and have something in common with. It so happens that my daughter liked her freshman roomie a lot and they became friends and are rooming together again next year but that is a lucky outcome. I think she'd have been doing just fine if she merely got along well with a random roomie. I am positive that Brown (or any school) would not honor a request to change roomies based on your not liking who they are. If it were based on an incident or valid complaint, they'd look into it and hopefully even then opt to resolve it before changing. But they are not going to want to listen to someone who wants a switch PRIOR to even having to live together and surely not someone whose reason is that he did not like the sexual orientation of the roomie, the color of the roomie, the political views of the roomie, or the religion of the roomie. Residential life, let alone at a school which values diversity in its student body, is meant to be a learning experience in itself. It is not about segregating kids so they don't have to be with those who are different than themselves. </p>
<p>I am not being pro homosexuality or anti.....this is not a homosexuality issue as much as it is about tolerance, bigotry, and phobia. Time to learn to accept all types of people. That's what Brown is about and frankly, what the rest of the world is too.....get with the program. </p>
<p>--A parent of a Brown student who is more worried for your roomie's sake than for yours.</p>
<p>BullMoose, this is not about condoning or understanding or believing in homosexuality. You do not have to embrace that lifestyle. It is OK if you have reservations based on your conservative stance. This is not about being liberal or conservative or pro gay or anti gay. It is about living alongside someone whose beliefs or lifestyle may not be one you support, understand or feel comfortable around. But part of college life is learning to be around ALL types of people. You don't have to agree with them, you merely have to be tolerant to live alongside one another respectfully. I know many straight guys who are friends with or room with gay guys (not even talking of Brown at the moment but at one of my kid's summer programs). You don't have to be gay or support gay lifestyles to associate with and share a space with someone who does. You merely have to be tolerant and accept the differences. This is about tolerance.
Susan</p>
<p>I'll briefly relate my own freshman roommate experience as a piggy back on soozievt post and to address the concerns of the OP. </p>
<p>During the summer before my freshman year, I received a letter of introduction from my soon-to-be freshman roommate. After a quick read-through, I was absolutely horrified. My roommate was a nontraditional student, a guy starting college after 3 years in the military. I thought to myself, "A gay guy and a soldier living in the same room!?!" I thought it would be a terrible situation, a total clash of personalities, personalities, and background. I freely admit that I too have my prejudices.</p>
<p>However, after that initial awkward phase inherent to many first time encounters, we got along brilliantly. I liked his cool, laidback personality and he got a kick out of my many neurotic tendencies. In fact, we were roommates again the following year. </p>
<p>He didn't confide in me until later that he was initially uncomfortable as well. He had formed his ideas about gay people during his adolescent years and his stint in the military (no, they weren't exactly positive). It was an awkward situation in the beginning, but we both learned a lot from the experience and established a great friendship.</p>
<p>BMS, you seem to take a lot of pride in being un-PC, but there's a difference between being not-PC and a bigot. And there's a difference between knowing your limits and being intolerant. I would be intolerant if, disgusted by your homophobic views, I didn't want to live with you or even let you into my room. But I would, because I hope there is more to your personality than just that. I'm not going to judge your entire being based on one trait, and I'd hope you'd do the same for a black person, a Jewish person, or a gay person.</p>
<p>You say you wouldn't be comfortable "having gay guys in your room," well, I can GUARANTEE that there will be at least one gay guy in your unit, so you should probably work that out at the beginning. See how everyone reacts to you wanting to segregate your room. I can also guarantee that there will be at least one, definately more, conservatives in your unit. However, I doubt they will enjoy being represented by you. At that point, I think thats when YOUR roomate is going to want to change.</p>
<p>I think we all realize that some people are going to have different views from us. Bylerly has INCREDIBLY different views from most people on this board, but everyone usually still argues. No one is denying that you have different views.</p>
<p>Honestly, I just think its weird that you are so obsessed with who your roomate is going to be having sex with. Gay or straight, you should warn him at the beginning of the year that its of great interest to you.</p>
<p>wow, i am impressed, you people can make a bigot out of Mother Theresa. If you consider a desire not to live with a homosexual man in my room for at least 4 months, homophobia, then i truly feel sorry for you because you are insane. I don't understand why this thread continues to thrive... There was a question, then someone started lecturing, then some bigot like me posted that he agrees with the original poster and some, and now we're here. Don't make it too complicated; I support gay civil unions, i support equal rights in the military, but i don't support homosexuality in my room/house/dorm/presence. It's not about tolerance, it's about preference. I CAN live tolerantly next to a homosexual; but if i have to make an effort to do so, I don't want to... why should i? Who is it gonna benefit? Me? The gay guy? You're too busy trying to protect the innocent and to tell me what an intolerant guy i am. You're missing the point.</p>
<p>And yes Moat, it does concern me whether my roommate is having sex with men or women; i have personal views on that which i have not disclosed, because they are irrelevant here, and may be offensive to some people. They're my business, and i have this strange notion of not forcing my personal beliefs on others.</p>
<p>Is it power? does it give people a high to feel more righteous than someone else. I don't understand what this is about, because frankly, if you have nothing productive to say, i'm not gonna reply anymore; i'm not in the mood for more private lecture/messages from tolerant, better-than-i-am people.</p>