Is my approach on why transfer essay correct?

College Essays
1

<p>I am working on the common app "why transfer essay" right now. Can you guys take a look at my approach and see if it's ok?</p>

<p>This is my approach: First, I talked about how culturally unacceptable it is to speak up my mind and being idealistic in my culture(I'm an int'l student). Then I discussed how my experience in current community college encourages me to express my ideas, and how it motivates me to apply to 4 year universities that will allow me to implement my goals.</p>

<p>I used many specific examples and conversations to draw out my stories, and I like how it drag reader into the situations. But the thing I really concern about is that I didn't talk too much detail about my major or program since all the schools I am applying to have their own supplement to address those topics, would that be ok?</p>

2

<p>PM it to me. I’ll look if you want me to and then provide whatever feedback I can.</p>

3

<p>If I were you, I’d make your approach a little less about you and a little more about the school. The school wants to know why you want to transfer to them specifically, so make sure to touch on those points. </p>

<p>The curriculum, offered majors, other academics, school size, freedoms, etc., are all things you can bring up. Just try to be genuine and think about why you truly want to go there. You picked that school for a reason, so be genuine in your reasons.</p>

<p>Hope this helps!</p>

4

<p>PM me if you want, and i would like to provide some help :D</p>