<p>Maybe this seems like a silly thought to many of you but I am concerned that my son doesn't have what it takes to make it in the business. He is a fine singer, a convincing actor and a handsome kid who is passionate about performing. He also has a great brain that would allow him to succeed in many walks of life. How should I guide him? To follow his love or be pragmatic and logical? I would love to hear the thoughts from other parents out there who have struggled with this issue. I belive in my child and will support him forever but I know how hard it is to have any success on the business.</p>
<p>We all ask ourselves the same questions as we forge ahead in this highly competitive arena. As you can see by the acceptance list this spring, many have succeeded and got in to a performing arts department and will continue to train and follow their passion. Yet, who knows what the future holds? Life takes many twists and turns through the journey. Today, my S can't see himself doing anything else... and there are many juniors like him. Where will they all be in 10 years? Are they all good enough? That chapter will not be answered for some time, but I know that in that 10 years my S will continue to learn, grow and ultimately land where he is meant to land, hopefully doing something that he loves.</p>
<p>For me the answer to that question is - how would you child feel if they didn't give performance their "all" when they had the chance?</p>
<p>I didn't want my D to become an adult and feel as if she didn't have the support necessary to do what she loves for fear of the future. Also, if I didn't support her I had the feeling she would find a way without my support. And that didn't sound like much fun for either of us.</p>
<p>I'd say its worth a shot, regardless of the outcome. You only live once, so you might as well enjoy what you are doing. </p>
<p>My mom wasn't sure if I'd would succeed in this arena, but she supported me throughout the process and that was a big help. I'd say that regardless you should support your S, which it sounds like you already do. This makes the process so much easier on the student. </p>
<p>Also, just make sure your S works hard during the audition season, keeping his material fresh and exciting. That way, at least he gave his best shot. </p>
<p>Also, success is an amorphous term, so it all depends. Maybe he will succeed in teaching, performing, or something else entirely. But parental support sure helps a lot.</p>
<p>Chris</p>
<p>For me this is a no-brainer. One of the worst things for anyone is the regret of what might have been. If your son is passionate about performing, you need to let him follow that passion and support him in it. At the same time, you should encourage an informed and realistic attitude in him. You don't want to engender unrealistic expectations, and if it becomes obvious that this is not the field for him, you want to make sure that he has the psychological strength to leave it and do something else. He's young and probably resilient and capable of recovering from mistakes. What's the worst that can happen if he goes into this field with determination and hard work, but doesn't have what it takes? If he's clear-eyed and sensible, he'll recognize that and do something else. He may have "lost" some years according to a conventional counting of career development, but he would have gained, literally, a world of experience, and if he can avoid being bitter, that experience will make him a happier and much more interesting person. On the other hand, if you convince him not to follow his passion, he may regret it, bitterly, for the rest of his life. We all suffer dissapointments in our lives, and while our natural urge as parents is to try to protect our children from these kinds of pains, at some point they need to be allowed to fail on their own. So, in my view, your role is to support him, unqualifiedly, in what he wants to do, but at the same time, make sure he is realistic about what it takes to succeed, and what the life is like in this business, and also make sure that he has the psychological freedom to change directions if it ever becomes apparent to him that he's not going to make it. </p>
<p>As an addendum, I don't know what your background is, or what kind of training your son has, but there are ways to assess whether he may have the talent necessary for success. If you haven't already done so, it could be very useful to have him seen by some professionals in the field and get their frank appraisal of his potential.</p>
<p>Here's my take on this. I have a BA in music and an MM in vocal performance. I have sung professionally for over 25 years. And at the ripe old age of 47, following my divorce, I entered court reporting school and graduated three years later. I am now in year two of a brand-new career in midlife.
The thing is, these kids are not necessarily all going to stick with it and "make it big" -- whatever that will mean. But at age 47 or whatever, you can choose to go to court reporting school or med school or law school or get an MBA or get certified to teach -- whatever. You cannot, at midlife, say, "I think I'll give Broadway a shot." That has to come while they're young.<br>
The process of studying voice, acting, dance, and all the rest that goes with it is training in persistence, discipline, organizational skills, and trying very hard to perfect things that are at times quite elusive. Aren't these life skills, no matter what happens?</p>
<p>What do you say when your son or daughter says that they want to be a novelist, or a biologist, or a wildlife photographer, or a college professor? Few career/career paths are guaranteed. There's such an interaction effect.
Given who he is right now, my son is more likely to succeed in some aspect of theater than he would be likely to succeed as an accountant (or any number of "more practical" jobs). That being said, I worry about who'll pay his health insurance!!!!!</p>
<p>Jacksdad </p>
<p>We know just how you feel, we've been through the same thought processes with our son. What it finally boiled down to was personal happiness. My husband wanted to go into sports journalism, he was already doing reporting for the major newspapers in our area and he was doing statistion (sp?) work for his highschool and a local university. He brother played football for army and his dad was signed by the cardnals baseball team (although did not play due to an injury), so with all of this sports stuff around him sounds like a given, right. His parents though nobody could make a living being a journalist, and insisted he go to school for chemical engineering, because he excelled in math and science and that sounded like a good job to them. He went onto college as a chem major on a full ride academic scholarship and hated it, even though he was good at it, eventually dropped out and has been working in a job he hates, its really a shame, people spend so much of their lives at their work and to dread each day or even to not be fulfilled in ones work is a sad thing. So even though we know a career in performance is a long shot, he needs to give it a chance, if it's not to be, he will still have a degree ( and how many people work in the field their degree is in?) and he can still go back to school. But he will never wonder "what if ?" Hope this helps and good luck!</p>
<p>jasmom, the health insurance issue is a big one. Even as members of Equity, health insurance only kicks in when they're actually working in an Equity production. </p>
<p>I, too, am of the belief that a parent should be supportive of their child's educational path. However, I think it's also imperative that we as parents, and our children, be realistic about theatre as a career. I've said this before, and I know many here don't like to hear it, but the fact is that most kids who post here and most kids of parents who post here will never make it to Broadway. It's true that there are many options open to kids who study theatre, whether it's regional, community, teaching, tech work, writing, etc., but kids need to be realistic about those opportunities and be flexible. Too many kids go into the study of theatre with the expectations that they will be cast in a Broadway show as soon as they graduate. Most won't. Most won't ever be in a Broadway show, and those who ARE fortunate enough to make it into a Broadway show will make it into ONE, and then never another. It's depressing when it's thought of in this way, but it's fact and I think we all need to be cognizant of the overwhelming odds. We, and our kids, need to dream, to be passionate, to work hard and set ambitious goals, to support, to encourage, but also to be realistic about what kind of career opportunities are out there, other than Broadway.</p>
<p>Wow-thanks everyone for your passion and sincerity. Iam also a classically trained singer and abandoned pursuit of a career for a secure income as a physician--the fact that my parents threatened to withdraw all support if I chose opera was a significant influence--and have enjoyed a rich and full life. I have been blessed with living in a community where i can now pursue my artistic endeavors and still maintain a good income but i will always wonder what if i had gone for it. I just want my son to be realistic, which is why finding the right college/degree is of such importance so that he can have other options if performing doesn't pan out.</p>
<p>As in all aspects of life, you have to take it one step at a time. The first (and most important, in my opinion) is the pursuit of an undergraduate degree. A degree opens doors - regardless of the concentration/major. If your son is accepted into and chooses to attend a BFA program, the goal becomes to work his hardest to excel while completing his degree. Even if he graduates, attends a few auditions and decides the field is not for him, he has many options open to him as far as advanced education. For instance, I write a surprising number of law school letters of recommendation for our BA students.
This is a great time in his life - he has the opportunity to give it a shot and he really hasn't lost anything if he decides on a different career. These days there are very few undergraduate degrees that guarantee you a job when you graduate. (Nursing anyone?) A Bachelor's degree is just the beginning :-)</p>
<p>Jacksdad,</p>
<p>Your story reminds me of an Italian opera singer my D had the privilege to perform with 7 years ago. He went to medical school right out of college and became a successful dermatologist. He had always wanted to be a singer and decided after marrying and having two children that he wanted to pursue his dream. He began by auditioning in and near his hometown of Bologna. After a few years of successful work in Italy, he began performing internationally. He closed his medical practice and now works full time as a singer. I met him about 5 years after he stopped practicing medicine. He told me he was making a comfortable living as a singer and was quite happy that he had decided to pursue his dream.</p>
<p>The year that I met the Italian singer, an American Proctor and Gamble executive from our hometown made his professional debut in same production. He is an excellent basso. The following year I talked with him after another production at our local opera company. I discovered that he had been performing all over the country. I noted that his voice had improved greatly since I'd heard him a year earlier. I asked him if he had given any thought to pursuing music full-time. He said that he was, in fact, quitting his job at P & G. He felt that he had enough bookings for the next two years to make a performing career a reality. </p>
<p>Both of these men had very successful careers. For one reason or another, they had decided not to pursue performing when they were college age. As they approached mid-life, they decided that they needed to perform. I find their stories heartening.</p>
<p>As I tell others - well my D has decided to pursue MT in college -"WHAT?? But she's so smart...." Yes- she is and she is going into a cutthroat, competitive field which she adores. She is lucky enough in my mnd to be smart enough to see what life is like and if she is willing to put it all on the line - I can only say to her every day " We love you and we will always be there to help you". It is her life and her dream and I think I can't pour cold water on it now. I have to let her dream and hope and pursue those dreams - she will be herself and stronger for it. Is it tough? Yep! Do I wish she would chose another path ? Honestly, when I read the stats, yes I do because I want her to succeed. </p>
<p>But then again - what in life is worth having if you dont have to work for it?</p>
<p>Just be there!</p>
<p>MikksMom</p>
<p>jacksdad --</p>
<p>(speaking as a kid) we all wonder the same thing of ourselves, too.</p>
<p>we're tested all the time as to whether we're good enough, and we just have to keep working to get there and keep hoping that we will be.</p>
<p>at least that's my take on it.</p>
<p>maggie</p>
<p>I figure that these smart kids of ours will figure out a way to succeed in life by following their dreams!</p>
<p>i wish it were so simple....</p>
<p>Just a little note to say that "making it on Broadway" is only one definition of success as a performer! There are many, many working actors who never set foot on a Broadway stage and are able to pay their bills! One of my D's former drama teachers told me that he made "a fine living" as an actor for the decade between the time he came out of graduate school with an MFA in acting/directing and took a job as a teacher. (He and his wife are both actors, but decided to move to teaching acting when they started their family.) In fact, he told me that he made more money as a working actor (on stage ... not film, and not on Broadway) than he is as a teacher.
I think that if our children define "success" as only getting to Broadway, most will be bitterly disappointed. Not to say that shouldn't be a goal: why not shoot for the moon? Someone has to make it. But Broadway is not all there is.</p>
<p>I work part time for a regional theatre here in Rhode Island called Trinity Repertory Company. They do wonderful plays, as well as a yearly production of A Christmas Carol which has become a tradition through out the state for many families. Its an equity theatre and we often bring people in from NY. So making it on Bway is not your only option. There are many wonderful theatres out there that will pay you enough to support yourself. Broadway is certainly not your only option. I was recently talking to my friend at Boco and I said how dis-heartening it was to see how many kids were there not because they love theatre, but because they're in love with the thought of being on Broadway. THAT SHOULD NOT BE THE REASON YOU GET INVOLVED IN THEATRE! You need to have that burning passion inside of you that gives you the desire to want to touch people through the power of theatre. If all you can think about is making it to Broadway, I believe many doors will slam in your face</p>
<p>I know that we all want what is "best" for our youngters, and theatre, at best, is not the most secure of professions, but my eldest son had a good friend who wanted with all his heart to pursue a career as a "River Guide" in Colorado- his father insisted that his son go to school and become a stockbroker "first and then if he still wanted to try such a silly job five years down the road he would have money to fall back on". Well, the young man was on one of the top floors of the WTC on 9/11, at his desk, "being" a stockbroker. Now he'll never know the joy of the wind in his face rafting down the river. An extreme example? Perhaps. But, my D is going to give MT a shot at her life on the stage and then at least, she'll know that she tried....</p>
<p>MTgeek, you are so right: people should pursue musical theater/stage acting because they love the work and the doing of that work, and not because they are chasing some elusive idea of fame or being famous. At my D's high school, the acting teachers emphasize that if being famous is what the kids want, they are probably not going to achieve that goal. They also point out the difference between <em>real</em> actors and people who are famous for being, well, celebrities! I've spoken to a number of successful working actors who say that their lives (they make a living on stage but can go out in public to do their shopping, etc. without being recognized by most people) is the ideal, at least for them. Plus -- let's face it! -- even those actors appearing on Broadway are mostly not "household" names, except in MT geek families like all of ours! In other words, the average person probably wouldn't recognize Idina Menzel or Victoria Clark if either one walked into their local 7-Eleven.</p>