Our D16 also had her heart set on going to a selective private school. Frankly, her self-worth was getting wrapped up by the high school pressure cooker, where she got accepted, and where she would attend.
What we can reasonably afford is much less than what the schools expect us to contribute. We don’t have the $$ tucked away and earmarked for college. We’ve had a recent increase in income, but that is making up for some rough years post-2008.
In the end, we told our D she needed to accept the best deal on the table, for everyone’s financial well-being. Initially, she was very unhappy that she wasn’t going to any of her top picks, and she wasn’t being given much of a choice.
We felt that she was under the influence of this mindset: very selective & very expensive must mean it’s so much better. And, conversely, less selective and practically free must mean it’s not very good at all.
She’s come around, and she seems happy, so far. I think it helped to have other people, besides her parents, gush over how lucky she is, and how wise it is for her to take the scholarship money.
Try to stay open, and look around for opportunities that may be right in front of you, even if on the surface, it doesn’t sound as exciting or prestigious. Good luck!