<p>Yes. The grammar could use a bit of work. 
You want to be concise, so this “changing and it changes for the better.” is just a bit redundant. It’d be a lot more effective to simply state “changing for the better” or the “world changes for the better”. Whichever. The wording and “flow” of the paragraphs are a bit… off. Try reading it aloud and see how it sounds? Awkward in some places, right? Look at this section: “In 14th century,in Italy began the era of the Renaissance.The new thinking and new ideas superseded the belief that God had created the world and he was everything we should have strived for ,our paragon of virtue…”</p>
<p>The first part is a little wordy and sounds odd . The 14th century Italian Renaissance thrust innovation, that superseded religion, into the forefront of whatever… </p>
<p>“According to The Bible ,God takes one rib away from women and gives it to men ,in order to make them more powerful than women.” Maybe: During this religiously influenced time period, many still held the biblical truths to be without mistake; contrary to popular belief, (name the woman–helps out a lot) found that both man and woman… blah blah. Or something. That section needs a bit of clean-up.</p>
<p>“Later,this woman became the first person to contravene the mores and ideas of the church ,becoming the first doctor in the world.”
The becoming the first doctor in the world doesn’t fit well there. You need to re-arrange the sentence somehow.</p>
<p>“The Renaissance absolutely changed the view that God was omnipotent and that we were under his authority.”
That’d be false. They were really relatively religious during the Renaissance (which didn’t just occur in Italy btw). If anything, the Enlightenment turned toward thinking instead of depending upon the bible for answers. Also you don’t want to use “we” here. You are changing the POV mid-sentence. </p>
<p>“This era gave the world writers like Dante and Bocacco ,artists and scientists like Leonardo da Vinci .These people decided to controvert the church and change the world.They made it better !”
Born of this era, list names here.
It’d be best to balance the sentence with equal examples of artists and scientists and writers. I realize that da Vinci was considered both a scientist and an artist, but it makes the sentence look a bit weak, and doesn’t really get your point across.
The second to last sentence confused me actually! It was really choppy as well.
The very last sentence would work with its short length to show variety, but I think it could be worded better.</p>
<p>I don’t have time to read the rest, but I think you should capitalize “The Dreamers” unless it isn’t supposed to be capitalized? You have a nice vocabulary selection, but at some points it sounds forced, like you have a thesaurus at times? Idk, maybe find better ways to make the “big guns” slide into sentences without looking obvious. </p>
<p>From skimming over the second part, the literary example doesn’t really prove your point? It doesn’t seem to correlate with the first point (which isn’t very clear). Idk. Just try re-vamping it. Hope some of that helped.</p>