<p>I second lookingforward totally.
It’s hard to understand how thougt processes can be tied into physiology until you experience it. You already suspect this anyway. It makes the most sense when you know you’ve lost the outgoing, kind hearted personality of the kid you love. I am not pushing meds necessarily but please don’t discount their uselfulness.<br>
I don’t know why there is such a stigma attached to them. We take medications for high blood pressure, glaucoma, diabetes. you name it with good results and good reasons. Serotonin levels deplete in the brain with prolonged stress and other factors to the point that the body does not recover and causes depression. It’s a downward spiral from there. It is entirely a physiological response that one cannot just “overcome” with positive thougts.</p>
<p>OP, no advice, just thanks for continuing your story. I also have a bright boy with issues heading to college in the fall. He insists he wants to. I’m worried he’ll be back in December having flunked out. He’s seeing a therapist, but seems ambivalent whether it’s helpful; he might just be doing it to keep me and DH off his back. Hasn’t found a summer job - hasn’t looked much for one either - hangs out a bit and, since we don’t let him on the home computer much, he goes to friends’ houses to play video games there. So – you’re not alone. So many of us have children who are floundering and yes, it’s heartbreaking.</p>
<p>OAM: Thanks for checking back in. I don’t have any suggestions, but I hear you. I do know of a kid, my nephew, who was headed to all sorts of tippy top possibilities. He was always a brillant kid, but without a whole lot of motivation. He COULD have headed to MIT or CalTech, but ended up at a smallish college in the midwest where most (90%+) do a study abroad. Did he join them? Nope. Missed the deadlines. Did he even finish college? Nope. Instead, he worked for years at Home Depot. He too struggled with depression and maturity issues. </p>
<p>This fall, he and his GF of seven years are headed to Baltimore while she pursued her Ph.D. while taking a high level govt job. Not sure if he’ll look for a nearby Home Depot but he’s happy and independent.</p>
<p>One of my good friends has a brother who nearly finished college (only one course away from his degree). He decided for reasons best known to himself to leave school & become a waiter. Decades later, he’s still a waiter, but at a very elite restaurant but seems happy. My friend & all her other sibs & her parents all have advanced degrees & don’t understand, but are OK with him following his own course.</p>
<p>Another kid I know is 22 and still trying to figure out what to do next. He dropped out of HS & takes a few courses at CC from time to time while he works part-time at a community gym. We have suggested he consider taking the GED & even given him the book that my D used but so far he’s still in this holding pattern. His 24-year-old sister is getting her bachelor’s in education this December–maybe that will kickstart him? Who knows! His GF is also starting college, so that may influence him as well.</p>
<p>Here’s a book some of you might like: “The Film Club” by David Gilmour.</p>
<p>The father, a film critic, lets his son drop out of school (in this case, high school, but the book could also be applied to college) with the condition that they watch a movie together every week (and no drugs).</p>
<p>The father is very tolerant of the son’s apparent inability to get his life going.They spend a lot of time talking, but the Dad keeps his distance/stays detached in terms of planning or pressuring the boy. Eventually, the son gets a job in a restaurant, as I remember, and later he goes to college and is quite motivated.</p>
<p>Some may disagree with this approach, and it would depend on the kid and the family, but I liked the message, and had a similar experience in my own home.</p>
<p>“my intuition keeps bringing me back to the insulin issues and the head injury.” - I’ll be hoping that your son agrees at some point to getting a physical. He may have other issues too, but it would be good to ensure that any physical health problems are under control. </p>
<p>Alas, things do get trickier when you are trying to arrange medical exams for “adults”. But if he comes around to being cooperative … I’m sure you’ll find a way to help him. Good luck!</p>
<p>I just reread the whole old thread.
Some posters are suggesting time and understanding. Some are tinkering with the effects of diabetes, a psychological disorder, overachiever’s syndrome, the parents’ failed relationship, etc. Some keep coming back to convincing him to get a physical, which he clearly refuses to do. Or, checking his sugars, which he refuses to do. Some advocate a small form of tough love re: the gaming.<br>
I am going to throw this out there and I apologize in advance.</p>
<p>It’s been quite some time now and no progress has been made? Your therapist hasn’t helped you with strategies or decisions regarding your relationship with your son? He had a head injury serious enough that he “was laid up for two years” (wow) and we’re throwing out our random thoughts? One of the therapists suggested you were overinvolved or naggy or something? (Sorry, I can’t recall your exact words.) Has YOUR therapist helped you with this? Because, right now, maybe all you can do is work on your strengths, responses and options.</p>
<p>Now, your son is over-18. You have very little authority and no support from Dad. You have to work on you and your strengths and ability to make what seem like the best decisions. I know it’s tough. Consider contacting NAMI or another group that offers comfort, support and info to parents in your situation. You may benefit from that more than from us. Good luck and sorry you are dealing with this. I am signing off this thread.</p>
<p>Double ditto on lookingforward.</p>
<p>Yes, I read that kid doesn’t live with OP-- but why can’t the H step up and enforce some rules here?</p>