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Thanks for all of the suggestions but I am over actually caring about college.If my parents think I don’t try in school and that is the reason for my bad grades then I will actually not care and not try.They think I have no reason not to get into a good college because they went to good colleges and I have resources and whatever,and I don’t have a good reason, I’m just not smart so i might as well start acting like it.I am just going to stop trying in school and go to my state college because it would be a lot less stressful.
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You have an opportunity to prove your family wrong. don’t miss it.
Sounds like you need a physics tutor now. Please get one.
You really do need the environment that a small school affords.
I don’t think you understand the extreme pressure of my family and what they have accomplished and what they expect from me.Compared to everyone else I am a failure and I feel so stupid all of the time.I don’t want to waste my parents money by going to a small school for like $75,000 when that money could be spent on a better school,whichI should be going to like they did.For example 75,000 for Tufts vs 75,000 for some other school.Which would be better?Even though I know they have a ton of money I still feel like spending it on me would be wasteful because I shouldn’t be rewarded for being a horrible child.The only way to feel like I am normal is to go to a good college so I guess I will focus on transferring colleges.I feel like going to my state school and giving up is better than actually trying and failing.Idk if that makes sense but I can’t explain it very well.
You remind me of my husband. His siblings are all very smart and did well in school. Most went to well known colleges. He struggled in school from third grade on. There was pressure to do well and when he couldn’t meet those expectations he felt stupid and gave up. His high school had two tracks: college prep and trade school, but his parents made it clear that the college prep route wasn’t for him. When he was 14 they sat him down and asked which of three trade school options he wanted to pursue and that was the path he took. He did well in it, but it wasn’t what he wanted to do with his life.
Our children were born when he was in his early 40’s. School came very easily to our son, but it was a challenge to our daughter. She was just like her dad and felt stupid compared to her brother. But she isn’t stupid anymore than her dad is. She has dyslexia, dysgraphia, and dyscalculia, so it’s no surprise that reading, writing, and math have been challenging for her. Learning is all about how individuals process information, but we’re all different so the methods used to try to teach my dyslexic husband (which failed miserably) weren’t going to work for our daughter either. We adjusted the methods, not the expectations.
I suggest that’s what you do too. Think about why English and history are difficult for you and try to find ways to make them easier. My daughter has processing issues which affects how fast she reads and how much she can process at a time before her brain is overloaded, so she studies in short bursts. If she can get an audio version of a book, she’ll use that so she can devote more mental energy to the books that aren’t on tape. The most difficult thing for both my husband and daughter to learn is that people who learn differently can also be very smart. They have a range of IQs just like people who have more mainstream learning styles. It’s just hard to see because we don’t teach in a way that speaks to their strengths. Find your strengths and work them.
A 3.6 is a respectable GPA and an 1850+ SAT is above average, so there are many great colleges open to you, especially if you don’t need financial aid. Let @mom2collegekids help you find a place where you can flourish. It’s out there.
OP, have you been able to visit many schools yet? My D’s GC suggested that she visit several different types of schools–large public, small LAC, etc and it really helped her to understand the options that were out there. She tried to sit in on a class at most places she visited.
Your grades and stats make you competitive for at least 95% of schools, including some very, very good ones. Try to focus less on your family, and more on your strengths. You’ll find your place.
IMO the key for you is to work with an adult that you admire and trust to come up with a list of great colleges that welcome B students. Certainly, the College of Wooster is the type of school that should be on your list: nationally known, great outcomes for graduates, a unique senior capstone program, but accepts a wider range of applicants than, say, Kenyon.
Also, PM one of the super moderators and see if it is possible to change your username to “hopeful4444”.
@hopeless4444 You’re right. I don’t understand completely, but this is what I do understand. Being successful has little to do with where you went to college.
Since your family can easily afford it, I think you should avail yourself of the “small comforting” environment of a small private. You are less likely to feel lost and overwhelmed…and you can shine there.
You aren’t stupid, so get that idea out of your head right now (m2ck’s orders! ) You have a fine GPA and a fine SAT. And many, many successful adults started college with LESS.
Please visit those privates that I’ve listed to at least give them a chance.
Your GPA is fine and your SAT is fine, even if they’re lower than what your parents tell you you should have.
But here’s the thing: a good college isn’t a college everyone’s heard of. The goal of college admissions isn’t to make all your parents’ friends go ooh and aaah during dinner parties. A good college is a college that helps you grow and support you to go as far as you can go. The goal of college admissions is to offer you a choice of good colleges.
A smaller private can be exactly what you need.
College of Wooster, Earlham, or Hendrix are highly praised for academics. They prepare students very well for PHDs, careers, and professional education (like Law School or Business school). They take B+/A- students (ie., students like you) and help them succeed at the highest level. Check them out. The “brand” may not wow your parents, but they’re really solid and they’ll impress people who know about strong colleges.
Colleges like Susquehanna (one of the friendliest colleges I can think of - and by the way, most of the colleges listed have friendly student bodies), Hiram, St Michael’s, UScranton, Marist, Drew, take B students (so they’d be a safety for you and you’d likely get into the Honors College)… and graduate successful adults.
Listen to this video, to the end (please, take the time to. Everything in it will speak to you and speaks about real people). Then send it to your parents. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgN20O3VYgQ
Perhaps you can tell us which years your parents were admitted to college; I’m sure someone can find the admission rate for that time, and we’ll match that with colleges which, today, have similar selectivity. It should be an eye-opener for your parents.
For the record, UChicago’s acceptance rate was 45% in 1988 and Kenyon’s was even higher than that (more than 50%)… People will chime in to give examples of current schools with 45% acceptance rates :p. I know that number’s about the same as admission rates nowadays at American University, Chapman, Fordham, Dickinson, Hobart&William Smith, Marist, Occidental, Oxford of Emory, St Lawrence, SUNY New Paltz, Washington&Jefferson, WPI.
… and Case Western, Brandeis, Cal Poly SLO or Bates are much more selective, sometimes way more, than that.
Would your parents be proud if your reaches were at the same selectivity level as UChicago used to be in their day? And would your parents be okay or even proud if your reaches were from this list: American, Chapman, Fordham, Dickinson, Hobart&William Smith, Marist, Occidental, Oxford of Emory, St Lawrence, Suny New Paltz, Washington&Jefferson, WPI?
Remember: these are about as hard to get into today as UChicago was in your parents’ day.
Imagine your parents’ surprise and delight if you applied to some of the fine, somewhat lesser known colleges in Loren Pope’s book and got a big fat merit scholarship! Imagine your delight! Your stats are more competitive than you think - you are very, very far from being a failure. I would keep doing what you are doing and focus on writing an interesting essay that will get the admissions’ officers attention.
Oops, too late to edit previous post. Let me tell you a story. My sister was a quiet person, a solid but not extraordinary student with no burning passion for a particular course of study. She went to our state university and studied accounting and then got her MBA by attending a night school with no name recognition outside of our state. I was a very good student with clear academic goals, National Merit Scholar, valedictorian, average ECs, etc. I also attended my state university and then went to a prestigious university to obtain my PhD. Guess what? My sister makes 2.5-3x what I do in salary and has a very happy life. I have enough money to be comfortable and have a different sort of happy life. There is a niche for everyone; you will find yours and will have a happy life.
Focus on what you do want, not what you don’t want. You said you stress out over AP classes so avoided, and now are stressing out over college. Have you gotten professional help for anxiety/stress management? It would be very beneficial for present and future anxiety management. Where your family went to college is irrelevant. You should focus on where you will succeed and thrive, not compare yourself to what they did. Good luck.
@jym626 is right. Have you received professional help in regards to stress/anxiety management? It would be a great idea to do this BEFORE heading to college when sometimes those issues REALLY flare up. Now that you’re home, it would be easier to determine/treat whatever issues you may have.
We don’t know if the stress you’re under is pressure from environment (high achieving family with high expectations) or if it’s a combo of that plus something organic.
I thought I should update this because it has been a while.I am applying to 20 schools so hopefully I get into at least a couple.I guess I am feeling more optimistic about the future.I know no one probably understands but there is an unspoken expectation for me to go to a good college and I still can’t deal with the fact that I know I can’t get into one.I understand that my grades aren’t good enough but I feel like as a person I am not good enough.I have always been told not to accept mediocrity,but why can’t I if i am mediocre,why should I try to be something I am not.I feel like less of a person for not getting into colleges that my family approves of and is an embarrassment.It doesn’t help that my cousin just got into Emory. It doesn’t help that my cousin just got into Emory and next week I am visiting my grandparents who are even worse about colleges than my parents and act like getting into UCLA and USC are no big deal.
Maybe getting into UCLA and USC were not a big deal in 1967 but they sure are now. I don’t think that your grandparents or even your parents generation appreciate how the better schools have changed. I started in the early 80’s , took 25 years off, then finished in the late 00’s at one of the top (leaders and best) state schools. The difference in student quality and the dedication in three decades was absolutely amazing. Even more so in graduate school.
My wife and I often remark that we never would have been admitted to our Alma maters today with our grades and SAT scores. You may want to take a gap year, maybe travel a bit, work and get some perspective. My son did that and it made a huge difference in his motivation and desire to learn because he worked for most of that time.
) You have a fine GPA and a fine SAT. And many, many successful adults started college with LESS.