<p>Furthermore, fascinating stories related to the human body, such as the story about Phineas Gage whose personality underwent a dramatic shift after a brain injury, all planted the seeds of great wonder and curiosity in my mind.</p>
<p>Does everyone understand this sentence?
any grammar mistakes (especially the commas) or akward expression in there?
I am starting to panick.. I can't trust myself anymore.. :(</p>
<p>Hard to judge in a vacuum, but it is a confusing and somewhat cumbersome sentence--try making it into 2 sentences--also, remember that transitive verbs are almost always better than intransitive ones.</p>
<p>Firstly, I think Phineas Gage is awesome too. Points to him for surviving, points to his family for putting up with him afterwards.</p>
<p>Back to the grammar - if you're keeping the sentence that way, I would put a comma after 'Gage'. However, I would split the sentence up somehow. It is understandable, but I could see how an admissions officer, after reading 5847395288 other essays, could get lost and not care to reread it for the full meaning.</p>
<p>Maybe something like "Furthermore, fascinating stories related to the human body have planted the seeds of great wonder and curiosity in my mind. One such story is that of Phineas Gage, whose personality underwent a dramatic shift after a brain injury." would be good? However, if it were split up that way, depending on the rest of the essay, you might want to include another example or two.</p>