Is this a good essay for common app?

<p>During junior year I worked at a grocery store and it pretty much changed me as a person and my outlook on life. I would probably talk about how I am a pretty shy person but having this job taught me how to work with people, be more social and outgoing and all that stuff. It also taught me a lot about people from different walks of life and different opportunities than me. I met a ton of amazing people while I worked there. </p>

<p>Is there anything I should do to strengthen that? I would be writing it for the last common app prompt about an event that like transistioned you into adulthood. </p>

<p>I like it</p>