Is this a silly reason for me to want to go to college in a different state?

College Search & Selection
21

@intparent

“And lighten up on your parents. Many students start kindergarten a year later than their peers because the parents (or in some case the schools) think they could use an extra year of maturity. It is perfectly valid — it has nothing to do with overall confidence in you. Someday when you are a parent yourself, it will be more obvious to you that it came from a place of love and concern about your long term well-being.”

If and when I’m a parent, I’m going to send my kid to K on time before making any assumptions about him or her. If they really struggle, I’ll hold them back then, but I plan to at-least give my future a kid chance before failing them on purpose. Otherwise, I would be sending them the message that you shouldn’t try for something if you’re afraid of failing. I think that’s a terrible message to send to young kids.

Loads of famous actors failed to get rolls in first several films they auditioned for, and had they let their fear of failure get the better of them, they wouldn’t be where they are now. Should kids not apply to colleges that they think they might get rejected from? Should people not apply to jobs that they’re afraid they might not get? Or should they try anyway, just for the slimmest chance that might get into that college or get that job? See where I’m going with this?

School is no different. Every kid should be given a chance to go through school on schedule and if they have to repeat a grade, so be it.

22

@wirebowl, you might have missed this point: school cut-offs dates are minimums and are largely arbitrary- there is nothing informed about them. The ‘schedule’ is changed to suit government needs, not what works best for kids- and governments change them from time to time. Take a look at this table:

https://nces.ed.gov/programs/statereform/tab5_1.asp

As you can see, the age at which children are required to start school ranges from 5 to 8. For example, if you had been born in Pennsylvania, it was your parent’s choice, up to the age of 8, as to when you started school. The local cut-off dates are minimums to keep parents from enrolling children who are too young (b/c there are parents who would absolutely put their 3 yo into a group of 5 yo kindergarteners, in the full belief that it was best for their child).

You are so profoundly convinced that your parent’s judgement of you was that you simply weren’t “good enough”. We have no way to tell if that has been their message over the next 13 years, but somehow you have stayed hyper-conscious about this, even as you have moved up through MS & HS Unless you are in a profoundly remote area, your HS would have students from more than 1 school (so, new kids who don’t know anything about you), and new kids will have moved into the area (from other places with different start times). It is unusual for students to keep paying attention to each others birthdays after elementary school (except close friends, obvs)- with the big exception of drivers license age, where most of the other kids would be more likely to be envious that you were one of the first.

And, when you get to college, even in your home state, as other posters have pointed out, people will be starting at different ages for many, many reasons. This is your issue, that you need to come to terms with. The rest of the world is not judging you at all for this.

I have seen many, many parent failures (including my own), but I have never, ever seen a parent “failing them on purpose”. Do you truly believe that your parents “failed” you on purpose? Do you truly believe that your classmates see you as a failure, as ‘too dumb’ or ‘too immature’ or ‘too’ something bad?

Cherish these moments of certainty, when you are sure that there is one right answer to choices in child-rearing- and that you know it. They disappear forever the moment that hypothetical child becomes a real human who holds a huge piece of your heart in very tiny hands :slight_smile:

23

My guess is that your high school isn’t competitive and/or your environment isn’t upper middle class. What you feel is a stigma, is considered a proof your parents thought ahead to give you the best chances at the best colleges in competitive, upper middle class areas. Other parents there would think your parents never doubted you were destined for greatness thus gave you an unfair advantage to put you on a path to Harvard or Williams.

What state do you live in? hey are your stats? What’s your budget?

24

You know what?

You should go to school out of state. Get a job NOW after school to earn some of the price differential.

You’ll see when you get there that your birthday makes absolutely no difference. But you don’t seem inclined now to see what we’ve all been saying.

So, if it matters that much to you, start now to work to make it happen.

Sometimes, we simply have to let others make their own mistakes. I think this may be one of these times.

25

But do not blame your parents for you feeling the need to go out of state. You are the one with an issue. They, in all honesty, did nothing wrong as far as the decision. 12 months in a lifetime of 80 years is nothing. Heck, they decided to do something that requires them to feed and and clothe you gor a year longer than your peers, which isn’t cheap. And they probably did it to give you the best shot st success. I still think you should see a counselor. And I worry about your maturity and readiness for college.

Read this article. It says that 20% of US kindergarteners are 6 when they start kindergarten, and we all might be better off if everyone went at 7.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/answer-sheet/wp/2015/10/07/delaying-kindergarten-until-age-7-offers-key-benefits-to-kids-study/?utm_term=.06dc5eeac738

26

@intparent

“And I worry about your maturity and readiness for college.”

Seeing as how I’ll be a year older than most people are when they start college, I don’t think there’s any need to worry about that. Remember, I should be starting college this year, so I’ll definitely be ready next year.

27

Immature 25 year olds abound :D.

Can you provide your state of residence, stats, and budget so we help out find an OOS college you can actually attend?

28

OP - My daughter had the opposite problem. Birthday right before the cut off so she was one of the very youngest in her grade. We didn’t think twice about starting her “on time” because she was ready and passed the mandatory kindergarten readiness test. She did well academically but it was a huge PIA for sports and also jobs in high school. Some of her friends were nearly 2 years older than she was if they hit the other end of the spectrum with birthdates. In my daughter’s opinion, those students were lucky and had advantages. Just wanted to share that the grass isn’t always greener and parents make the best decisions they can with the information they have at the time.

As every single other poster has mentioned, age isn’t going to matter a hill of beans to anyone at college. My daughter is a freshman this year and there are students who are still 17 (huge PIA btw because they can’t sign anything themselves) and some who are already 20 because of gap years or whatever. If you have a great instate option, don’t write it off for this. It’s a non issue!

29

@MYOS1634

“Immature 25 year olds abound”

Let’s see if we can do the math here. I said that my birthday was October 1st, 2000. Right now, we’re in 2018 and October 1st is coming up. Since 2018 minus 2000 is 18 and I haven’t had my birthday yet, that makes me 17, not 25. To be clear, I was held back once, not 8 or 9 times.

30

OP - I think the point was that age doesn’t equate with maturity, not that you are 25. We all know you are a high school student.

31

You weren’t held back at all - you were redshirted (a common practice among upper/upper middle class families in competitive school districts). Please stop saying you were held back.

My point was that there are mature 16 year olds and immature 25 year olds.
In college, odds are high you’ll have friends between the ages of 17 and 24, and you won’t even know unless they tell you.

Anyway the point is that we’re trying to help you actually find an affordable OOS college, since it’s your goal but not your parents’. For that, we need state, stats, budget.

32

@intparent

“Heck, they decided to do something that requires them to feed and and clothe you gor a year longer than your peers, which isn’t cheap.”

That’s another problem though. I really hate owing people things. After I graduate from college and get a job and start paying my parents back for all the money I owe them, I’ll have to pay them back for that extra year as well.

33

I always tell people I ‘red shirted’ my twins. They were born Sept. 10 and will 19 as soon as they hit the freshman year of college. One has a BF who skipped 8th grade. He will turn 17 just b/f HS grad. in May. It really isn’t an issue for them. Yes, my 18 yo will be dating a 16 year old, but same grade after next week. I doubt anyone is judging you b/c you are a little older.

In defense of your parents, I did a lot of research and talked to parents. NO ONE ever regretted delaying the start of kindergarten. NOT ONE SINGLE PARENT. Plenty regretted sending them early. Given that perspective, Know that your parents were doing their best. If they had let you go early, you might have struggled - especially with math in the 8th grade. There are studies that show some brain functions need to develop around that age for success in math. Also, the younger, smaller boys have trouble sitting and learning in kindergarten and can get tagged as trouble early on.

This might fall into the category of letting stuff go. Maybe put yourself in your parents’ position and given all of the supporting information (data and anecdotal) for red shirting, what would you have done?

34

And still, you’re not listening - or reading. immature 25 years old abound, meaning your chronological age doesn’t make you mature. If being a bit older than your classmates is such a big deal, then you are immature. As several of us have pointed out, you will be attending college with a whole new set of people, who will be a variety of ages. Some will be older than you, some will be younger. If you don’t share your birthday, they won’t have a clue. My guess is your maturity level will have them thinking you are younger, but might look older.

If your real concern is that everybody from your school will be attending the same in-state college, and you don’t want to apply there, that’s an entirely different concern. Maturity means being able to identify the real underlying problem, and addressing it. You’re not here asking for advice, you’re here looking for validation, and nobody here is willing to give it, because your reason for wanting to go out of state is silly. If you said you wanted to go OOS to broaden your horizons and learn more about the rest of the country, we wouldn’t be telling you it’s silly. But an OOS university isn’t going to solve this problem for you. You view your classmates as younger and less mature (because you associate maturity with age alone). They may very well be less mature, but you’re going to find the same of your classmates wherever you go - even if they are the same age or older than you!

35

If it bothered you so much, you should have graduated from hs early.

I can’t believe EVERY other student in your class in high school is still 17. No one ever moved in from a state with an earlier cut off? No one ever stayed back a year? In my own class, most of the kids were at least a year older than me. I have a July birthday with the school cut off late August. In 9th grade, I had just turned 14 and a few boys were getting their licenses after September birthdays. They were 16 in 9th grade because they’d repeated a year (most often 3rd grade) and had early fall birthdays, even earlier than yours. We’d moved to that state when my brother, sister and I had already started school. I was in the ‘right’ grade, but they were both the youngest in their classes. It was no picnic for them to be the LAST to get a driver’s license, to be able to get a drink at a bar, even to register to vote.

My daughter was the youngest in her class. When she started K at age 4, there were 6 boys who had already turned 6 (at the recommendation of the preschool teacher, they did an extra year of preschool) so were 18+ months older than her. It also happened to be a class where most of the kids had fall birthdays, so they were all turning 6 and my daughter was still 4. It made no difference in academics. I wish I would have started her later. When we moved to California, she was still the youngest. When we moved to Florida, she was still the youngest. She’s now 21, graduated from college, and probably the youngest at her job too. Next year, someone younger will be hired. Life will go on.

You should be thanking your parents, not blaming them, for giving you the extra year.

No matter where you go to college, there are going to be freshmen who are 17, most who are 18, and some who are 25. Some, like you, will immediately have birthdays and you won’t know if they are turning 18 or 19 or 22 unless you ask them.

36

Hi Wirebowl, just wanted to comment on something you said about when you’re a parent, you will for sure enter your child in on time to Kindergarten and hold them back if needed. Here’s the flip side to that idea:

My husband had that happen to him. He has an October birthday and entered as the youngest and really struggled so he was held back in second grade. That stigma really bothered him. Can you imagine what it’s like to stay in second grade while all your classmates move to third grade? And he knew those same kids all through high school and those kids knew he ‘failed’ and was held back. It was very embarrassing for him.

I was reading your post to him last night and he wishes his parents entered him so he was the oldest, not the youngest. Turns out he had an undiagnosed hearing loss and once it was discovered, he did very well. But every other child knew he was held back his entire grade school to high school career.

As parents, we try very hard to make the right choices. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it, but really we want what’s best for our children. Who knows, maybe if you entered Kinder on time, you would have been held back and suffered an even stronger stigma and you would be wishing your parents delayed your entrance.

Sometimes as parents, we can’t win.

37

My parents “rushed” two of my brothers and it was a serious mistake from a socialization point. Both were smart, but not “ready”. I’m lucky it wasn’t me.

38

It sounds like you don’t fit in socially at your high school and that you’ve pinned that on being older. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you live in a small-ish working class town where people don’t move much and you are still stuck with the same group of kids you’ve known since elementary school. I think it will do you a world of good to get away from your high school and see other parts of the US and hopefully you can gain some perspective about your age and that maybe the couple of mean kids in high school that gave you a hard time for being older than everyone else were just being dumb high school jerks.

Anyway, you said something that struck me here: “That’s another problem though. I really hate owing people things. After I graduate from college and get a job and start paying my parents back for all the money I owe them, I’ll have to pay them back for that extra year as well.” I hope your parents aren’t holding over your head the idea that you owe them money for raising you to adulthood. When we become parents it’s our responsibility to provide for our minor children. I hope you are only talking about maybe some extras like they loaned you money to buy a car that you agreed you’d pay them back for eventually or some other ‘want’ rather than ‘need’. I guess this board is about colleges and not family issues so I’ll stop there.

I do wish you luck on finding a great college away from your hometown that you can grow and flourish in.

39

OP, you’re dealing with experienced parents here. Not just raising our own but on CC, seeing variety, communicating with them, etc.

You are not getting it. Someone might actually question your maturity and why this obsession.
So your parents had you start later than some kids…so what? It happens all over the country. You’re not some rare loner.

So what, if some kids on your dorm floor are 17? Or most kids in some class are 18? You are still responsible for your attitude, your performance, your balance.

Maturity realizes this. And takes a responsible approach, not emotional about something 13 years ago.

40

How will you pay for it? Only 26 states had September cut-off dates in 2000. The rest varied from June to January. A few states left it up to individual school districts. Unless your parents are wealthy enough to be full pay, I don’t see how you can afford for this to stay on your list of criteria. Private colleges will have kids from all over the world so ages will vary. State schools tend to have a lot of in state students because they’re less expensive for state residents, but those will be expensive for OOS students, and you’re limiting yourself to the 26 whose kindergarten cut-off meets your requirements. Finding an affordable option may be a challenge.

Are your parents willing and able to pay what it would cost to send you OOS for 4 years? We aren’t the ones you need to convince. If you want to attend an OOS college, I think you’re going to have to come up with a better reason than that. The choices aren’t only in state or OOS residential either. Parents have been known to require their kids to start at a cc first. So discuss budget with your parents and find out if residential college is even an option. It isn’t for everyone.