<p>I'm currently brainstorming for essay topics and the only thing I can think of so far is this:</p>
<p>I work at a library, and there's this guy there who is always reading these books on religion. I found out he's been published in some publication for Judaism. About a month or two later I also learned he's homeless. </p>
<p>I wanted to say something about how education is nothing without effort put behind it and how my Penn education would be another stepping stone on my own career path. </p>
<p>Is this going anywhere? Suggestions, please and thank you.</p>
<p>i don’t think using that guy is a good example. For example, you don’t necessary need worldly possessions for fufillment in life. Maybe that guy chose to strip himself of his worldly possessions for his quest in the realm of spirituality.</p>
<p>Your argument simply does not make sense. The guy publishes (i.e. he has had an education that empowers him to publish) but he is homeless (i.e. he has nothing). So despite his having an education, his putting effort into putting his education in action (i.e. publishing), he still has nothing. Kind of goes against what you said in the third paragraph, no?</p>
<p>That is the first thing. The second thing is, how is the guy a good analogy for your education career goals? I can see nothing in your story about the guy that suggests Penn is a good stepping stone for a career path. (The guy can barely be said to have a career anyway!) So, basically, you tell the story, and at the end pull something like “by the way I want to go to Penn” out of the hat. Kind of renders the story meaningless.</p>
<p>I do not know if this is even an authentic, personal experience. If it is, I suggest giving it more thought and straighten out all the leaps in logic, or consider another scenario. If it is not, I really hope you abandon it all together and find something genuine.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>Edit: Fixed grammar. Changed “…his putting effort into putting his education action (i.e. publishing)…” to “his putting effort into putting his education in action (i.e. publishing)…” (first paragraph).</p>
<p>Has this guy changed you enough that you’ve taken some action to help him or others in his position? Has he changed you enough that you’ve taken actions within your own life that are different than what you would have done without his influence? If not, leave him out of your essay.</p>
<p>Agree with most of the other commenters. Your homeless friend (if you are determined to include him) would be much better used to illustrate your understanding that knowledge or inspiration can come from unlikely sources. Using him as a cautionary tale seems like a bad idea.</p>
<p>To be honest, no. Plenty of immigrants (myself included) have traveled halfway across the globe to an unfamiliar place, starting life from scratch, sometimes with little money. I am not quite certain as to just how you can make your piece stand out.</p>
<p>Check out the website for a couple of schools that most interest you and see if they have any information about their impression of the admissions essay. I’ve seen interesting stuff from Duke, UVA, Boston College, DePauw, Carleton College and others.</p>
<p>Stop trying to look for the “big, life-changing moments” in life. It just seems to me that you have not quite experienced anything “different” from the norm that you would like to share. I think it appropriate to think about the small things – sharpening your pencil, adding that extra teaspoon of sugar, etc. – and expand on them. Show that you notice details, and most importantly you reflect on those details, in your essay. Also, instead of focusing on skills/qualities (i.e. problem-solving, independence, compassion, etc.), showcase your values.</p>
<p>Edit: Ahh Mrs Weasley beat me to it. Yes, consider a mundane topic.</p>
<p>Yea I think a big part I’m struggling with is the fact that I do not have any exciting stories to tell about life changing, eye opening experiences. So like you guys said I’ll go with smaller everyday things I guess.</p>