Is this essay good?

<p>BB practice 1: What motivates people to change?
"Necessity is the mother of invention", reads an old English adage. Without necessity, people will hardly ever change. Even the greatest inventor of all time, Thomas Edison, had to change countless times before his success.
On a cold winter morning near the end of the year 1878, in a small house located in New Jersey, there was a man who tried to invent a so called "light bulb", which had almost never existed. They boy was home-schooled, so he did not have many books to read but only to find a way for himself. Some of his first productions worked, yet they could not endure for long. Although Edison had even thought of other materials he might used with, given all the tool available at the time, hardly any would came into use.
Before Edison, several other people tried, yet they did not succeed. He then faced choices between going on to change for numerous times, which could not assure his chance of success; or he could choose to work the way he had used to, appreciate what he did, and wait for another to eventually finish his work, for the first choice was so tedious and demanding to him as to the next man.
He then made a brave decision. He chose the former idea. Though everything was far from success, he immersed himself in the job and change continuously for 10000 times before he found out the right material for his filament. Edison became the first one ever to make the first usable light bulb of all time. His deed went down to human history since.
Clearly from the evidence, people can see that Edison had to change in multitudinous ways before he could obtain his patent on the light bulb. If he had not dared to change, his name wouldn't be well-remembered in today's world. Yet he did, for the demanding need of the people of his kind and himself, everyone who's alive know his name. One has put it "if you want to achieve something you have never had, you have to do something you have never done.”</p>

<p>I'd give this essay an 8 (i think)</p>

<p>Most of your sentences were pretty good, but some were still too short and it made your overall essay sound a bit choppy. I think you could have used some slightly larger vocabulary, at least a few big words that really stand out. I liked your intro and conclusion but you should try focus on making the body of your essay sound a little more fluid. Don't be afraid to use big words.</p>

<p>there were some typos (the end of the 1st para.): it should be would come into..</p>

<p>any further cms?</p>

<p>it's rather weak.
6/12</p>

<p>why is it weak?</p>

<p>I give it 7 over 12
Let's have a look at the first paragraph. You have a typing mistake " They boy", but it's not the most critical error. I think your essays was not well organized. You had 3 passages just to "tell a story" about Edsion. Even your example was great, but you didn't focused on the main question " What motivates people to change".
In my opinon, the most suitable promp for your essay is " Do you think change is important with our life ? "</p>