<p>Hello, I am in my 2nd year of college yet I still don't really have a regular group of a friend or friends yet, I can be a bit shy and nevous around new people but sometimes I'm kinda socialble...and it's not alot of studying keeping me from it either, because I don't overkill with that, I just uh... do stuff alone alot like in my room or I go out to do something cuz i'm kinda used to it thanks to high school, yet sometimes it can be a tad lonely/making me feel wierd that I'm not being social enough or something... meh what do yall think? Maybe i just haven't found anyone i clicked with yet?</p>
<p>I'm only a freshman, but I feel the same exact thing. I know lots of people, but I don't have real friends yet, like there are very few people I could call to do something with, b/c it would be weird.</p>
<p>Yep, college life sucks...</p>
<p>Gee and I thought I was weird because it's 2 months into the year and I don't have a solid group of friends yet. I have in-class friends, that I can do partern work with or go to get breakfast with after an early class, but they aren't people I feel I can call up to hang out with if we aren't already in class together. Anyone have suggestions for us shy people who want to have people to hang with on the weekends?</p>
<p>It will be very hard for you to make friends unless you do something like join a club or participate in some other college activity beside going to class. When joining a club, be an active member by working on projects. Don't just sit there. You make friends by working on projects together.</p>
<p>Also consider doing things like working out at the campus health club (particularly if you take a class there because you'll see the same people a lot), volunteering in some campus wide project, etc. </p>
<p>College is very similar to the real world. Once you graduate, more than likely you'll make friends through things like clubs, a health club, church, etc. If you're lucky, you may make friends on your job, too, but there's a chance that you may not make friends on your job. That can happen when you're the youngest person at the workplace and everyone else is married with kids. It also can happen in work places where you don't get to spend much time with coworkers or don't have much in common with them.</p>
<p>Even at work places with lots of people who you potentially could have lots in common with them, you'll have to reach out to them to become friends. It won't happen by magic. You'll need to do things like invite coworkers to join you for lunch or to go to a movie, etc.</p>
<p>Consequently, the skills that you learn in college about making friends will serve you well for life. College is a good time to learn those skills because there's lots of room for forgiveness if you're awkward or make mistakes. And, believe me, everyone -- even those gregarious people -- will make some mistakes! That's normal.</p>
<p>After college, though, people tend to not have a lot of patience with folks who honestly have no clue about how to make friends.</p>
<p>It's also normal not to have lots of friends yet if one is only a freshman. Think about it: You didn't get your h.s. friends overnight, yet you had much more obviously in common with them since you lived in the same town and probably the same part of town. You probably also shared lots of classes together. It's normal for it to take as much as a year or two to make very close friends in college.</p>
<p>Excellent post Northstarmom.</p>
<p>SoLonley - Nah I wouldn't go that far, college life is mostly good :)
Northstarmom - Ah nice point there, but see I aint a freshmen now I'm a sophmore or does it still take real time to develope them, it's wierd cuz with other ppl it seems like it happends instantly, and for me it takes forever.</p>
<p>I'm the same. it takes me a couple years to actually be good friends with people.</p>
<p>Just to be a spelling Nazi, it's weird...not wierd.</p>
<p>And yes it is pretty weird for you not to have any friends, but not unheard of. Your freshman year is when you should have made your good group of friends, b/c just about all the other freshman are out trying to make new friends too. Now that you are a sophomore it might be a little bit harder.</p>
<p>^so basicly you are more screwed if you don't pick your friends early enough? :/ Last year was kinda like this year in that I mean i was cool to ppl and ppl were mostly cool to me i just dont have a normal group of ppl to hang with or anything. :/ It's like there was a day to pick teams (friends/groups) and eveyone but me knew about it.</p>
<p>No, you aren't screwed.. you can always make friends. It's just easier when you are an early freshman. If you wanna make friends, do some things you wouldn't normally see yourself doing. Go to the club, join a club, talk to some ppl in the library, or you could hit it up with some ppl in class. Afterall, whatever you are doing now doesn't seem to be working. Be more social than you need to be, humor is a great way to meet people (atleast I think so).</p>
<p>"so basicly you are more screwed if you don't pick your friends early enough? "</p>
<p>No.
Many people who say that they have made "friends" just weeks into their first semester are people who have a very superficial idea of friendship. What you (and I) would call "acquaintances," they are calling "friends."</p>
<p>To me, "friend" is a special term and means that I really know someone and know that I can trust them. My friends have also stood by me through the tough times and good times and I've done the same for them. That's not something that happens overnight.</p>
<p>As for did you miss out if you didn't make friends your first year or if you transferred? Heck, no. Every year that I went to college, I made some new friends. Even after college, I made friends as a result of going to reunions. Some of the people also who were very close to me freshman year were not close to me senior year because we'd changed or for other reasons. </p>
<p>When I was a college prof and advised the student newspaper, I saw lots of friendships develop there as students worked closely together. This included students who got new friends as late as senior year.</p>
<p>You'll also find that the older you get, the more you'll be willing to do things even if you aren't doing them in a group. Joining clubs and other groups at school and even going to parties alone gives one far more of a chance of making new friends than if one goes in a group. Groups can keep people from approaching you because you'll look like a clique or like you aren't interested in meeting anyone. Having the courage to go to things by yourself is a great way of meeting people.</p>
<p>I just feel more confident going in a group than a lone. Whenever I go a lone, I always have to deal with awkward questions, Itmay be different in your case, but whenever I go to a club, everyone just stays within their own circle of friends so there's no one there who's going to go out of their way to approach people. Unless it's a religious group where they're actively trying to include new members. I've heard from other people that it takes time and they're just acquaintices, but if they're already hanging out, it still feels much better than someone you merely say hi to and barely even know their name.</p>
<p>It's important to go to the club when they are trying to attract new members, which tends to be at the beginning of fall semester and possibly at the beginning of spring semester.</p>
<p>When there's work to be done in the club -- particulary hands-on work that several people have to do together -- volunteer for that. Members will be particularly welcoming when the work is the type that it's hard to get people to volunteer to do.</p>
<p>For instance, when I was the advisor for a college newspaper, as is the case with most newspapers in general, we had a hard time finding copy editors. Students willing to volunteer on the copy desk were greatly appreciated, worked closely with each other and tended to become friends. It also tended to be the emotionally closest and most supportive section of the paper. </p>
<p>Doing community service like helping other students who are doing a group work project like Habitat for Humanity is another hands-on way of getting to know people and make friends. When you spend an afternoon painting a house or putting down turf, there's no time for cliques. You also will not lack for conversation topics ranging from, "How did you do that so well?" to "Aren't we lucky that it's not raining today" to "Have you ever done anything like this before?"</p>
<p>Oh I make little talk with some ppl sometimes gstein, and some ppl know me just nothing is really deep but great suggestions so far for me and maybe anyone else with a varying degree of this issue :)</p>