<p>Expecting respectful behavior and getting it are two different things. I don't know what the answer to that is, but during our really bad times of disrespect with our kids, I sure didn't have any luck with expecting respectful behavior. The best I could hope for after I drew myself up and said, "I expect you to speak to me respectfully!" was for them to slouch off to their rooms without firing back.</p>
<p>Our D didn't go to college. She lived at home working the first year after high school and was a total brat (she was a brat before that, too....but it continued on). When she moved out things began to improve slowly. Now she is 22, and this past mother's day, she gave me one of those cards that said I was not only her mother but her best friend. I <em>never</em> thought <em>I</em> would get one of those cards!</p>
<p>S1 put us through a total summer from hell before he left for college. It was just a nightmare. He frequently said things like, "I am so ready to be outta here!" (We were ready, too.) His change came more quickly than his sister's. He turned sweet very suddenly early in his first semester of college. We've been close and loving ever since.</p>
<p>S2 is a rising senior. He isn't as bad as his sister and brother (yet). Based on our past experience, I know that things are likely to get a lot worse this year. But, I know we have a good foundation, and I guess all we can do is keep trying to figure out what "expecting respect" looks like, and keep trying to do that. Then we'll hold our breath and wait for him to leave!</p>