Is this really supposed to be the best time of our lives?

Parents Forum
1

<p>I'm asking the parents this due to the amount of life experience you all have in comparison to my peers in the College Life forum.</p>

<p>Frankly, I feel more or less apathetic toward college. I could be having the same exact experience at any number of schools across the US. College isn't anywhere near as awful as high school, but I haven't made any "life-long friends" or had any of those "exciting new experiences" that you always hear extolled. It's kind of like high school, but with more stuff to learn, a significantly higher GPA, and even more drunks to mock.</p>

<p>Is this really supposed to be the best time of our lives? And if so, what am I doing wrong?</p>

2

<p>When I look back at my college experience, it was not the best time of my life. It was, though, the best time of my life up to the time I left college, but that was because I had an absolutely rock bottom miserable time growing up.</p>

<p>I did make lifelong friends in college, however. It's funny that this includes a couple of people whom I had a lot of difficulty with at first in college. One was my freshman year roommate. </p>

<p>Anyway, my advice is to not expect that college will be a thrill each day, but take each day as it comes, and be open to possibilities.</p>

<p>I also think that adults for whom college was the highlight of their lives have had pretty sorry lives. It's sad when middle aged and older adults spend their time looking back instead of enjoying the good things going on in their current lives. I know people who are in their 80s who, despite infirmaties and losing loved ones, still feel that their current age is the best time of their life. What's important is one's outlook, not necessarily one's exact experiences.</p>

3

<p>Yes, it's the best time of your life... if you make it that way. (I know, I know, that's not an answer.)</p>

<p>First off, I think one of your assumptions is completely wrong - that you would be having the same experience elsewhere. Colleges all have very different "feels" to them. While you might have the same textbooks, there are different professors, classes, and, most importantly, students. There are colleges with a much lower percentage of students who drink; there are more serious students; there are students who will be completely crazy in a nerdy way. </p>

<p>If you're spending too much time in your room, that could be problematic. Avoid frat parties - I had the time of my life in college and never went to a frat in school. Sometimes it takes a while - it took me until sophomore year to find my group. (For that matter, one of my law school friends said that it took him until 3L year to meet people he liked!) The best advice I was given, after a long, rough, somewhat lonely freshman year was that, until I had met all 5,000 students on campus, I couldn't say that there wasn't anyone that I would be great friends with.</p>

<p>Your job for sophomore year, if you decide to stay, is to meet people. Never turn down a dinner invitiation. Stop to chat with friends of friends. Do not live in a single room or off campus. Study with people in class. </p>

<p>If you went to a private high school, college will be somewhat similar (or at least that's what I heard). Otherwise, it should be very different. Please, spend the summer looking at other schools and consider a transfer. There really are radically different schools, and, if this one isn't working, find one that is. Try to articulate exactly what you do not like about the school - the drunks? apathy? too much activism? not enough activism? no one cares about extracurriculars? students are cliquey? Then find a school that is not like that and at least tour it. </p>

<p>I think some of the reason I loved college so much was that it was the right place for me. I stepped onto campus, took a tour, and just knew that I could spend four years of my life there and love every second - and know that those four years are ones that I can't get back or redo. I didn't get that feeling at any of the other schools I visited. </p>

<p>One of my friends had a very "blah" experience at his college and didn't realize until after graduation that he probably just didn't go to the right school. </p>

<p>So - consider a transfer. Regardless of where you are next year, take my advice and meet everyone on campus. I guarantee that you'll find people that you like and enjoy. Took me a while, and, at this time after my freshman year, I just didn't think that the whole "lifelong friends" thing would happen.</p>

4

<p>My experience was much like Northstarmom's. Like her, college was not particularly enjoyable, but still "the best time of my life up to the time I left college." From there things just got better and better and better. AND I got to use all those rude early life experiences to guide my own kids down more fulfilling college paths. It doesn't get any better than that!</p>

5

<p>I agree with the transferring bit. Some colleges are so different, they feel like you're living in an alternate universe. It was the best time of my life, but only after I transferred. </p>

<p>(Also, I'm not a parent. I'm single and at a very early stage in my career, so I hope that there are a lot of major developments still ahead of me -- that affects my answer too.)</p>

<p>Edited to add: my parents both loved college, but I know that if you asked my mom, she'd say the best time was when she had little children, and my dad would probably say right now.</p>

6

<p>OP, what actions are you taking to dive into the college experience? Are you participating in ECs that interest you? Are you taking the time to talk to people who sit next to you in class or who live in your dorm? Are you proactive about making new friendships -- talking to others, inviting people to do things with you?</p>

<p>If you're basically just going to class and back to your dorm room, of course college will be very dull. The only way to use it to make lifelong friends is to get involved in activities and go out of your way to meet people.</p>

<p>Now, if you happen to be at, for instance, a commuter college or a college where most students go home for the weekend, then it will probably be hard to make deep friendships, and you should consider a transfer to a more residential college where the students' interests are likely to match yours (Check out what ECs there are and whether lots of students are majoring in areas similar to your interests).</p>

7

<p>Don't ever shame yourself by telling yourself you "should" be feeling something you're not. College is what it is, and for you it isn't the best time of your life. Nor was it for me but, hearing my mother's words about "the best time of your life" I spent a lot of time wondering what was wrong with me. I liked high school better than college, and when I went on to grad school that was the best yet. Having spent some time on college campuses recently, I have concluded that I wouldn't want to go back to that very uncertain time in my life. Good luck to you, and take each day as it comes.</p>

8

<p>I don't agree with N'starmom who thinks that adults for whom college was the highlight of their lives have had pretty sorry lives. I have had a very fulfilling and successful live but will always consider my undergraduate college years as being the most fun and life changing. Graduate school was an entirely different experience.</p>

<p>Colleges offer many activites, events, opportunities to its students that you will never have at your disposal again. I made a point of attending one concert, play, open lecture or colloquia each week that I was at Ohio State. I played a pickup basketball game one sat am with Jim Cleamons an ex NBA player and coach. I tried out for the golf team and though I didn't make the cut I do have fond memories of it. I tutored in an inner city elementary school and participated in Viet Nam war protests. I weedled my way onto the crew of Jerome Lawrence's play, The Nite Thoreau Spent in Jail, it world premiere. I was on the department's concrete canoe team. And the list could go on and on.</p>

<p>If you are only a freshman make a committment to become an active member of the college community. Hey, even study groups can be a hoot. My Physics 3 study group snuck in a six pack on the day of the last lecture and popped them open with our professor afterwards. As someone above noted, dive in!!</p>

<p>Also remember that some experiences are better appreciated in retrospect. I'm certain I was just as uninspired as you may be the nite before two important midterms. Those days are long since forgotten.</p>

9

<p>It was right up there.</p>

10

<p>Got to agree with originaloog here. </p>

<p>When my son was fourteen he went to his voice lesson and that night he sang "I Am Sixteen Going on Seventeen." When we were leaving, we were chatting and I casually asked "Are you looking forward to growing up?" He said "Not really." Surprised, I asked "Why?" and he replied "Responsibilities and decisions." A sober and true conclusion. The Real World is overrated - long live the ivory tower.</p>

<p>The college years are a time to take advantage of opportunities for engagement and expansion, experiences with peers, unencumbered by the responsibilities of working, dealing with a household, or raising children. To begin to become the person you dream of being. </p>

<p>What is your passion? What pleases you? Do it. Start today.</p>

11

<p>Your experience will be good or bad based upon expectations. Because of past difficulties, I went to college determined to become porpular. And you can guess what happened. I wanted to be liked so much I was loud, overbearing and generally made a nuisance of myself. But the school started a Semester in Mexico program my sophomore year, so I stayed after deciding I would transfer elsewhere. I went to Mexico, and after being gone that semester, knew I would transfer and didn't care anymore. I did my own thing, calmed down, became myself again, and started to make wonderful friends! a couple are still friends - lifelong close friends? No. That came later, as an adult. Yet, through this, I learned a lot about myself and others. College wound up being a great growing experience. BTW, I did graduate from that school, and still donate to it. College is a different experience for everyone. You have to find your own. Don't let expectiations ruin it for you. Expereince the parts that are best for you. Are you involved in anything? Try out some EC's and you will meet people with like interests. Good luck and I hope things improve for you.</p>

12

<p>"I'm asking the parents this due to the amount of life experience you all have in comparison to my peers in the College Life forum."</p>

<p>I first read this as "the amount of life expectancy you all have...." What? I re-read it: "the amount of life expectancy you all have...."</p>

<p>It took a third reading to get it straight. Us old fogies are certainly lacking in the expectancy area, but experience is another matter.</p>

<p>I too was kind of apathetic about college intially until I got involved with some activities that got me out of the room. I was involved with rushing fraternities and even joined one, but it became apparent very quickly that I was not really the frat-type and I certainly did not have the spare money for it.</p>

<p>The first thing that I became active with was the Wesley Foundation (Methodist group) because I met a cute girl who was associated with it. It was not only a way to get some friends, but we brought in an incredible array of guest speakers (Julian Bond was an early one, as well as many civil rights advocates whose names today are less well known along with many people on the religious left). That led to an involvement with politics and then to anti-Viet-Nam war sctivities, and then to a volunteer stint with something called Vista, sort of an internal Peace Corp. At the same time we had a group of rag-tag guys who had kind of an anti-stereotypical volleyball team which actually had some degree of success against the jocks, and a season as a general crew member of the college theater group (so unlike anything I had done before) and even became a news announcer for the college radio station. And all that started because of that cute girl I met on the street as she was going to the Wesley Foundation.</p>

<p>The point is, you've got to make a move. If you look at the activities available to a college student, they are almost limitless (unless you're going to a very small school). Get the list of all the activities and organizations and just pick one or two to go try out. See if you fit in and if it feels like something you want to go back to. But these things won't come to you. You have to Just Do It, as Nike used to say.</p>

13

<p>I remember having the same feelings throughout HS and college: If these are supposed to be my best years, what's the rest of my life going to be like? I am happy to say they were not even close to being the best years. Life has had its ups and downs, as life does, but there is nothing you could give me to convince me to do those HS and college years over again!</p>

14

<p>For a lot of kids who weren't so happy in high school, they look forward to college as a chance to <em>really</em> be happy. They are filled with so much hope and expectation that college will fulfill their happiness quotient. I know that was true for me, and it is currently true for one of my nieces, for at least the first and second year.</p>

<p>Truth is, all the transferring in the world wouldn't change that situation. Both niece and I were/are at fantastic schools, with plenty of EC's, demanding coursework, interesting students, and potentially interesting experiences. It wasn't the college's fault.</p>

<p>It takes some attitude readjustment, I think. Changing the mindset that college happiness is just going to arrive on your doorstep, but instead thinking about what you can do for others, or for yourself academically or personally. For me, it was two internships that really fired me up. For my niece, I am hoping it is a jr year abroad program.</p>

<p>But I think realizing that college isn't perfect either, that there are still more "popular" people, things we all don't get invited to, disappointment in grades, plays we audition for and don't make...etcetcetc. Same will be true in the real world. It is our response to those disappointments, and how we deal and move on that matters. And sometimes, we just have to readjust the thinking, and realize that college is a microcosm of real life, and that we aren't all happy, all the time.</p>

<p>I wish you the best of luck, and hope that you feel better about your college experience soon.</p>

15

<p>I have to agree with most of the parents who posted here. But, then again, I usually do! ;) </p>

<p>With EVERYTHING, your happiness is what YOU make it. If you stay withdrawn, don't leave your room or your home, and don't give to OTHERS, college will be dull, "blah", forgettable. If you want to be happy, get involved. There are many, many organizations that need volunteers. Soup kitchens, elementary schools who need tutors and mentors, churches and temples, school newspapers who need writers or ad salesmen, sports teams that need student managers, choral groups that need singers. </p>

<p>Was college the "best time of my life"? Nahhh. It WAS the best time of my life up to that point. I made close friends and two lifelong friends. And I married one of them! And I keep having the best time of my life every day! :)</p>

16

<p>if you asked my mom, she'd say the best time was when she had little children, and my dad would probably say right now.</p>

<p>that's code for grandchildren,..</p>

17

<p>You may actually have an advantage over other people, atmjunk.</p>

<p>Those who are incredibly happy at college often find it extremely hard to graduate and move on to the next phase of their lives.</p>

<p>Remember that those who think that college is the best time of their lives find themselves standing around on graduation day thinking, "The best time of my life is over."</p>

<p>You won't be in that situation.</p>

18

<p>Find some friends and go on a summer road trip across America. Go to some political demonstrations a long way from home. Instead of mocking drunks go to some parties and meet some people. Nobody has fun when they think they are better than everyone else. People will surprise you if you given them a chance.</p>

19

<p>College for me was a hellish AND wonderful experience, depending on what day it was. I was exhausted and broke for the entire time, pressured, overworked; I was drinking a great education---from a fire hose. I was thrilled when I managed to graduate--and didn't attend graduation because I didn't want to spend any more time at the school for a while. But I had close friends--some of whom are still friends--which made a huge difference. There were amazing moments. </p>

<p>Two pieces of advice: first, join a group that is working on or doing something that interests you--you'll meet people who share at least one interest, and they'll probably be sober for some of it. Second, consider seeing a campus mental health counselor, as you may be mildly depressed.</p>

20

<p>This is an interesting discussion because I've thought about it a lot myself (starting college this fall). I despised high school; in fact, it felt like some sort of miserable prerequisite to finally going to college/ getting a real education/being in a positive environment...But during high school graduation practice when I found myself standing alone as all the other kids in my classs stood talking in groups of friends I realized that college will not be any easier than high school; in fact, it's most likely going to be even more complex, socially and academically. College, in the same exact way as high school, IS a microcosm of life and the real world: it is what you make it. Despite my excitement for college, I keep trying to tell myself that it won't be perfect and that things do not work themselves out; I have to work them out for myself if I want things to happen. And I know there are a lot of things that may not work out; I guess in the end it's about making time for the things that are most important to me.</p>