I’m volunteering in a hospital and they asked
Why would you like to become a volunteer?
Is this a good answer?
I would like to become a teen volunteer to broaden my horizons as a humanitarian. I believe that my time and effort is worthwhile if it makes someone smile. I enjoy volunteering because I find something incredibly satisfying about acting in a way that is consistent with my morals. Being able to say that I made a difference in the world, in the lives of others, gives meaning to not only myself but pushes me to further achieve my goals. I aspire to peruse a medical career in the future and I feel that volunteering at Baptist will help me solidify that dream.
First, don’t post your personal essays on ANY websites because people can copy your essay and may put you at a disadvantage by making your essay look suspicious to college admission officers. Note that college confidential, reddit, tumblr, etc. is accessible to everyone with/without account, so try to avoid sharing personal information with others. I recommend sharing only with your English teacher, counselor, your parents or adults whom you trust and can confide in.
Second, I am not aware of the word limit for this essay, but apparently it’s very short (103 words), and I recommend that you use spaces given to you by colleges to your advantage if word limit is far higher than that. I suggest that you write at least 85% of the maximum amount of words you can write. In other words, if the essay word limit is like 250 words, then try to write at least 210 words, unless you think writing additional words will rather ruin your already-flawless essay or are completely redundant.
Third, I see some grammar and spelling errors that you might consider correcting. For example, change “gives meaning to not only myself but pushes me to…” to “not only gives meaning to myself but pushes me to…” Also, I assume that you actually meant “pursue,” not “peruse,” which doesn’t fit in context. Colleges take grammar and spelling as the basic, so making those errors won’t make you look good.
Fourth, a few ideas you introduced in the essay are a bit cliche. For example, try to rephrase “I made a difference in the world” in some other sentence.
@HardOREasy It’s not for a college essay it is for my school. I wouldn’t post something that I’m writing to colleges on here. And it’s just a paragraph that I have to write but the school calls it an essay evaluation
Oh, oops! Sorry, I didn’t know that this article was in “High School Life” section. Well, then I think that essay should be good.