Mine is so clingy and affectionate and it’s nothing like her. Lol
I thought this snarky behavior was par for the course. I suspect it’s a great way of making the parent want the kid to leave. This is certainly how it is turning out at my house. Going to bawl like a baby when we drop her off, but right now I am more like “get the heck outta here, you snotty know it all.” 
OMG my eldest totally did that…we were ready for her to leave. My youngest was not like that. But those are their personalities.
Just hang in there, this too shall pass.
I was informed today by my mother that I am in fact soiling the nest. She says that she “doesn’t know what to do with me” because of my negative attitude and that if she had complained about things like I do when she was my age, her parents would have yelled at her. I assured her that it’s nothing against her, my family, or our home and that it’s a combination of factors (most notably: internship that has not lived up to expectations, boyfriend leaving me for a 32-year-old days before my cross-country birthday visit to see him, no friends in this city whatsoever) that is giving me a bad attitude.
My family moved to said city last summer, so it’s my second summer spent here. Last summer, I had fairly bad anxiety for the two months leading up to going to college, which dissipated almost immediately upon getting to college. This city is very different from the one I grew up in and the city where my college is located. While it’s not all bad, there are a lot of things I miss about other places I’ve lived and I have no sentimental connection to this place.
I don’t understand why I’m not allowed to think that this situation sucks. It does, for me at least! But instead of acknowledging that yes, things haven’t gone to plan and my unhappiness is reasonable, my mom basically used a modified “well there are children starving in Africa” argument: my job isn’t that bad, a lot of my friends have much more menial jobs than I do, we live someplace nice. That if she was like other parents, she would yell at me for complaining and stop including me in things that she and my dad do.
I probably sound like I am the spoiled brat my mom says I am. I just feel really bothered right now that my feelings are being delegitimized by my mom. I feel like it’s reasonable that I’m unhappy and I realize that I will be much happier in three weeks when I go back to college, where I can do things that interest me and don’t feel completely isolated from everyone I know. She tells me that I’m making it worse for myself by dwelling on the bad things in my life, but those bad things are the most engaging parts of my life right now. I think she realizes that this is very likely my last summer spent at home and a lot of this is probably spurred on by her own emotions. Do any parents have words of advice?
Of course you are “allowed to think this situation sucks”. What you shouldn’t be doing is sulking and complaining and making the rest of your family miserable because you’ve had some (minor) disappointments. I imagine that you’d be pretty upset if your parents took it out on you because of difficulties at work or problems in their social lives for which you aren’t responsible, and since your aren’t a middle schooler any more, it’s time you learned to handle your problems in a more adult manner.
In short, stop with the drama (“my feelings are being delegitimized by my mom”). You can of course share why you feel let down by recent setbacks but the fact that you will be “much happier” when you go back to college, doesn’t justify finding the bad things in your life the most “engaging”. You are actually wallowing in your own misery.
Sorry, I’m sure this isn’t what you want to hear. #teammom
@Joblue It might not be what I want to hear, but it’s probably what I need to hear. Thanks.
^^pretty unnecessarily harsh/slightly condescending/cynical advice…
@Knittergirrl I am actually in a very similar situation. only difference is that my family still lives in my hometown. Affluent north Jersey suburb, nearly 90% caucasian. I had some pretty crappy memories growing up and had a horrific time in high school, so much that I no longer feel comfortable here by any means. The awkward phase hit me harder than most and people were really ruthless about it and tore me limb from limb. 7th thru 10th grades were the worst years ever. I was able to see my last two years of HS improve a fair bit, but I still had people who held that stuff over my head and my rep was very difficult to shake before I graduated. The people here are incredibly stuck-up and elitist snobs, and I always got crapped on for calling it out. Even if I was “well-liked”, I never felt like I fit in here at all. That was all the justification I needed to pick a school that was farther from home. Thought I might actually somewhat enjoy it now that I’m only up here for breaks, but nope, I still don’t enjoy it very much at all. Pretty lonely up here - the only person I hang out with is an out-of-town dude who I met in my CC summer class. Best friend’s family moved to my college town after we graduated last year (still goes to school in NJ though), all my other friends are basically on vacation right now. To say that I’m much happier at college than in my hometown is a massive understatement. I get to forget about all of the haunting memories that plagued my past and actually live my life.
My mom is actually ITCHING to get out of not just our hometown, but also the state of NJ as well. She strongly feels that we’ve lacked success in the state as a whole (failed businesses, haven’t ever bought a home, we were evicted from apartment three years back, etc). She has never liked NJ at all, also citing the incredibly corrupt politicians in the state. I echo her sentiments and desperately want out as well, if for nothing more than to completely wash my hands of the ever-lingering embarrassment of the old me. Apparently, I would have left all of that behind 2-3 years ago as a HS junior had I wanted to simply leave my hometown more than I had wanted to move into a more upscale town (I foolishly thought that was possible despite our financial situation at the time). Even though we have been back in our hometown for nine months now and are somewhat financially stable, I’m very concerned that all we’ve been able to get the whole time we’ve lived in this town (almost 15 years now) has been rentals.
My mom and I would LOVE a full-time move to North Carolina (my college state) within the next year - much more affordable COL, housing is WAY cheaper, money goes much farther, more cultural diversity/integration, and, needless to say, FAR nicer people. Particularly, I’m eyeing Durham, Raleigh, or Wilmington. The only problem is, we’re not entirely sure about how the other three feel about it. Younger sister (rising junior) would prefer to graduate HS up here in NJ, which is understandable. So would my younger brother (incoming freshman), but that’s not until 2020. Which is a long ways away. Not to mention that he’s become quite a bit insufferable these days, his disrespect is through the roof and he tends to talk to me and our parents as if we’re his agemates. So waiting until HE graduates would probably not be a smart move for ANYONE.
But most of all, my dad might be a little hesitant. He’s lived in Jersey his whole life and has some strange undying loyalty to the state, even though our financial troubles in recent years have arguably hit him the hardest (we’ve been a single-income household for a few years now). Moving to a place like Durham especially would be beneficial for him - excellent small business climate, lots of cultural amenities (we’re African), generally just a great place to live. So I can’t for the life of me understand what would possibly keep him here. Maybe he sees something in NJ that my mom and I don’t see, idk.
Earlier talks had me starting to feel a little optimistic when dad started to look into NC a bit. But what my mom said this week has honestly really discouraged me. “Just because it’s what you and I both want, doesn’t mean it’s what the whole family would want”. Hearing that just put me in a ticked off mood for the rest of the night. It particularly discourages me because I know that she would tell my younger sibs to deal with it if we do move next year, so why would she suddenly take their feelings into consideration now? Especially because she’d have to deal with (possibly) up to four more years of potential heartache and crappy rentals in our snooty town.
Yes, I’ve basically left now, and yes, I realize that this decision rests between my parents. But I just desire absolutely no part of this town at all anymore; I’ve grown beyond bored of the place and do not want to deal with HS memories anymore. In fact, part of me sometimes wishes that I had just cut myself off from almost everyone I knew in my hometown as soon as I moved into college last year. My mom has better, much less juvenile-sounding reasons than I do. North Carolina would be a much better fit for us than New Jersey ever was. Idk what would stop the rest of the family from pulling the trigger. We should, IMHO, as Shia LeBeouf puts it:
“JUST DO IT!!! Don’t let your dreams be dreams”.
@Joblue’s advice was solid, not condescending. @Knittergirrl’s feelings sound entirely legit, but it’s all about how you handle setbacks and disappointments. Totally fine to rant from time to time, even more important to find a way out somehow, but not fine to wallow and drag everyone else around you down, no matter how real your issues are. Sounds as if @Knittergirrl gets that, too. Sometimes we just need to have someone remind us of the impact we might be having on others.
And as life marches on, more and more challenges come our way - instead of a dissatisfying job and lousy social environment, it might be serious illness or financial crisis. Turns out nobody wants to hear much about that, day to day, either. Staying upbeat when stuff goes wrong is an outstanding life skill. (And yes, you can still let it out to your near and dear, but … selectively, occasionally, not all the time.)
Eh, my senior daughter is picking on my junior daughter lately, which is really weird and very new.
Junior daughter responds with “I can’t wait until you leave”.
sigh.
I hope they don’t hate each other in ten years. 
I had a somewhat challenging childhood, and I have been told I am tougher and more resilient than the average dragon. I’m really trying to not respond to the older daughter stressing out over college with the phrases “you should be so lucky”, “first world problems”, and “suck it up, buttercup”.
I recognize these are not helpful to a kid who has been raised with comfort, love and security.
That too. I try to steer clear of the “starving children” / “first world problems” bit and instead focus on being kind and respectful to others. “You’re not the only person in the room.” It helps a little, once they stop to think about it.
When I was about the OP’s age, someone gave me the following advice which has always stuck with me, even through my kids’ mental illnesses: “It’s not what happens that matters. It’s what you DO with what happens that’s important.” Also NOT to ask, “Why me?” but instead, “What next?” That’s made my life much more positive through some very serious adversities.
Thanks for the words of wisdom. I’m trying not to get weighed down, but I definitely am prone to wallowing.
I think that a big part of this dynamic between me and my mom is that she knows that it’s very likely to be my last summer at home. There aren’t many jobs in my field in our new city, plus I just wouldn’t want to be here for another summer. My older brother just graduated and has moved halfway across the country, where he has a great job. He only spent the summer after his freshman year at home, then did internships far away from home the remaining summers. Last summer, she tried very hard to keep him closer to home than he ended up. He applied for an internship in a much closer city and was given an offer, but it was nowhere near as good as the one he ended up taking. Just this morning, my mom suggested to me that I look for an internship in that same closer city for next summer.
I understand that my mom doesn’t want me to leave home; she and I have always had a close relationship, although sometimes tense. But the reality is that I will not and cannot be home next summer, for both practical reasons and my preferences. As much as she says she isn’t taking this/my attitude personally, I know she is, and I understand why. I don’t really know what there is that I can do to remedy this situation, since I think this anxiety about me not being at home much from now on is coloring all of our interactions.
That’s solid insight @Knittergirrl. These interactions are tough on us moms. Maybe you two can find some ways to spend quality time together, and plan for future quality time in the future? Technology makes staying close when you’re far away SO much easier than it used to be, and if she can be reassured that you would welcome that, and get-togethers, it may calm her nerves. It’s just tough – closest bond ever, and scary when it starts to seem like it might all go away. (Which it won’t, you know, but it’s hard for us moms to really believe that.) Remember that a lot of the tensions come from love and fear.