Is your college student smoking pot?

Parents Forum
1

<p>Has anyone experienced this and if so, how did you handle it.</p>

<p>My son was a great kid in high school. I never had any reason to suspect drug or alcohol use. We discussed why he should stay away from it often, and I believe I had a positive affect.</p>

<p>He started his first year of college (out of state) last fall and all hell has broken loose! He got two alcohol violations from the university for having alcohol in his dorm and I just found out he was arrested in October for possession of an illegal substance. (The charges were eventually dropped.) Yesterday, I found pot in his room. Along with it were rolling papers, knives and scissors, lighters, a cardboard tube filled with dryer sheets, a grape flavored detox cleasing drink (presumably to help pass a urine drug test), and a 1/4 bottle of vodka.</p>

<p>My son is supposed to be returning to his job that he had last summer, but he has to pass a drug test, and I don't know if he will.</p>

<p>I really know nothing about pot, other than it's illegal and that it's a "gateway drug". I never smoked it and neither have most of my friends. I'm scared for him. I don't know how to handle this. </p>

<p>He's basically said that he thinks its harmless and he only smokes a couple of times a month. I have no idea if he's telling me the truth or not. (Why all the paraphernalia?) I have told him it is not allowed on my property and if I find it again he'll have to move out. (And I mean it.) I gave him all the standard reasons why he shouldn't be doing it, and he has all the standard rebuttals. </p>

<p>Any advice or insight?</p>

2

<p>Thanks for sharing. Good you’re tough, but it may mean you’ll have to follow up on that. The drug test for work should (hopefully) scare him straight. This too could pass quickly, but it depends a lot on his choice of friends. If his attitude continues throughout the summer, I suggest you work with a psychiatrist/psychologist (one who works with older teens) who could be an objective third party.</p>

3

<p>It is harmless. You should be more concerned about the vodka than the pot</p>

<p>Sent from my PG06100 using Tapatalk</p>

4

<p>

Certainly a reasonable point of view, with the caveat that the illicit substance could cost you a job. THC is detectable in the system longer than many other chemicals.</p>

5

<p>Yes, your son has a problem. He is knowingly indulging in illegal activities that can cost him his seat at school, get him thrown in jail and lose job opportunities. Do still be drinking when he’s already been cited, not once but twice is a real problem. That he has so little respect for you that he is keeping alcohol which is illegal as a minor in his possession in your house is truly a problem. Who the heck keeps a bottle of vodka in the bedroom? Also all of that paraphenalia is illegal and it is absolutely disrespectful that he should have it in your house. I would have pitched it all.</p>

<p>That he has pot in his possession means he is buying it from someone, transporting it and storing it which is a whole other story than a kid taking a toke when one is passed at a party (even if he inhales). That can mean that he is associating with a whole other world of people that just might not be the sort you want in your life. They might give his name as a dealer or something if things go bad. You can end up with pot in your car and get yourself in trouble if pulled over as he seems to be very careless and could care less that anyone including his parents know that he is using the stuff. It seems to me that he if putting it in your face that you have to accept this. Something is very off here and my advice to you is to get some help from someone knowledgeable in the drug abuse world. </p>

<p>Our kids are very likely to dabble and indulge in many activities that we don’t approve of them doing. That is one issue but to have them stick it in front of our faces and bring the sanctity of the home in danger by doing this is a whole other. </p>

<p>I doubt he could pass a truly tough drug test. I know places that want a snip of the hair and the expensive shampoos are NOT going to work in deflecting the results. And if he is so bold in having contraband out there even after getting arrested, getting cited, I think he is really in a bad place about this. I think you need help dealing with this, because I don’t think he is going to abide by your rules. Not with what you know about his recent history. And like roaches and other vermin, there is always more there than what you see. He might be in trouble.</p>

6

<p>This is so frustrating. From some, the advice is “it’s no big deal, better than drinking alcohol.” From others I get: “Your son has a serious problem, get help now!”</p>

<p>Is there no middle ground? Is it possible he’s a “recreational user” who only partakes once in a while with friends and this is a phase he’ll pass through? Is it possible the arrest ****ed him off enough to think, “they can’t stop me from doing what I want to do, they won’t catch me again, I’ll be more careful?” After all, he is only 18 and his brain is not fully developed. Teens this age do have difficulty with assessing long-term consequences or the “big picture”.</p>

<p>Maybe I’m in the denial stage. I just discovered all this information yesterday. I don’t know what to think. Either way, I’m screwed. If I believe him and he’s lying, he’s screwed. If I don’t believe him and he’s telling the truth, I’m fighting against a non-enemy, living a life of fear and distrust. I’m not sure how I can get through this! There’s no way for me to know the truth so there’s no for me to know what I’m really dealing with!</p>

7

<p>Absolutely not. In freshman year, other students invited D1 to smoke pot but she declined. She does not have any money for smoking, she spends them all on clothes. :D</p>

8

<p>Students, can you weigh in on the cardboard tube and the dryer sheets? What would that be used for, masking the smell?</p>

9

<p>When kids start college they may do things that seem very out of character for the way they have been raised but this is part of the growing up and growing away behavior. I was aware of pot smoking for sometime and to be honest my main concern was that it was being transported in a car and it is illegal. Upon several discussions regarding what we would do in the event that an arrest was made one child decided to just stop while another child decided to just continue on. That child no longer lives in our home and is very aware that an arrest would be something we would not get involved in by either hiring an attorney, paying for school, or posting any type of bail. Kids make choices and the choices must come with reprocussions.</p>

10

<p>From my standpoint, there are three problems with pot use. </p>

<p>First, as with any other intoxicant, there is a risk of overindulgence in a specific situation, leading to consequences ranging from embarrassing to tragic. Luckily, for most people who use pot occasionally (which is to say, among 18-25 year-olds, most people), the consequences rarely go beyond embarrassment. There’s really nothing parents can do about this except to counsel moderation in all things, and hope for the best.</p>

<p>Second, if someone wants to self-destruct, consciously or subconsciously, pot is a perfectly good way to do it. But if pot isn’t available, almost anything else will suffice: alcohol, certainly, but also sex, videogames, on-line poker, food . . . . This really has nothing to do with pot per se. If you weren’t worried about it already, I suspect you don’t have to worry about it much more because your kid has some pot. This is where the “gateway drug” stuff comes in. Sure, for some people pot use is a harbinger of heroin addiction. But for most people pot is a gateway drug for falling asleep. And listening to prog rock or, worse, straight jazz. This is also where addiction comes in. Yes, my experience teaches me that people can get addicted to pot (as to alcohol, sex, videogames, gambling, etc.). No, my experience teaches me that most people can take it or leave it, and, eventually, they leave it.</p>

<p>Third, pot’s illegality creates a raft of special problems. Users face a risk of being treated like criminals, which is a really bad thing to happen to anyone. It’s not a high risk, for most people, but it’s terrible if you lose the gamble. It’s really hard to get teenagers to appreciate this, for pot or for anything else. Using – buying – pot on a regular basis also increases the risk that you will have to deal personally with people who DESERVE to be treated as criminals. Something you might not otherwise do, if you thought about it. Finally, even if someone nice acts as cut-out for you, by using pot you are supporting a vast, vastly destructive criminal/terrorist system, one that takes lives and destroys lives daily, far more so than pot use. Kids who use pot should be sentenced to live for a while in Ciudad Juarez, or at least to read Book 4 of Roberto Bolano’s 2666. It’s not a victimless crime, even if you never toke and drive.</p>

<p>Anyway, vast numbers of parents face this problem, and vast numbers of parents deal with it by closing their eyes, holding their tongues, and hoping it goes away. Which, usually, it does. Others choose to confront it directly. Sometimes that works, and sometimes it doesn’t, and it involves a lot of effort and unpleasantness.</p>

11

<p>KMPete, it is entirely possible that he is “just a recreational user”. Yes, but he is then a recreational user who doesn’t seem to be taking any precautions with the contraband even after getting in trouble at school and with the law. You don’t get caught every single time you use and most recreational users do not get in that kind of trouble. You also don’t have the stuff in your home, your family sanctuary. It is very rude to do what he did. You should be appalled. To bring illegal things into the home, and make it YOUR problem is beyond rude. There is something truly wrong here. Unless you have the sort of relationship that has made this sort of thing acceptable, but your reaction to the stuff does not indicate that. </p>

<p>To me, that is a problem in itself. The disregard for others here. </p>

<p>Also, there may be a lot more you don’t know. Probably is. Almost always is. Are you waiting for him to get caught by the police, get booked and have to go through that system before taking some action? I mean, what more do you need? You need to see someone to advise you through this; someone who works with troubled young adults who are using contraband with abandon. </p>

<p>You don’t have to believe his story and explanations for a minute. It doesn’t matter what they are. The facts are in front of your face and are unacceptable. You do not bring illegal stuff in people’s homes. Especially your parents’ whom you love and respect. You don’t bring them into your sordid drug using ife even if it is “just recreational”. Keep your trash to yourself. This is a lack of respect here. Just deal with what is right there,not his explanations and stores, because THEY DO NOT MATTER. What he did is the problem.</p>

12

<p>And, yes, the toilet paper roll and dryer sheet is to mask the smell. I’m sure if you google the items and the word “drugs”, something on some druggie forum (as well as this post,very likely) will pop up. </p>

<p>The term “recreationallly” is very subjective, by the way.</p>

13

<p>I’m thinking about randomly drug testing him. I don’t know how accurate that is, but I don’t know what else to do. I’ve forbidden it and gotten rid of everything I’ve found. While he’s home for the summer, I can test him at random. When he’s off at school, his dad will be able to test him once in a while. When his father and I are paying for his college expenses (through money saved by his generous grandfather), I believe we can forbid the use of pot whether he’s an adult or not. When he’s completely on his own, that’s another matter. Any thoughts on at home testing?</p>

14

<p>Testing a college student for pot seems like its rather over-reacting to be honest. The negative health effects are pretty minor, and really only show up with long-term use (read: everyday for years). The majority of college students I know smoke from time to time, and honestly the biggest negative impact it has on people is the fact that its time spent being unproductive, much the same as time spent watching TV etc. While some people can get addicted too it, its a fairly small minority of users. The majority of people, especially of those who started late (yes, college is late), basically outgrow it. Rolling papers, and all the other paraphernalia you described only cost a few dollars, and I wouldn’t take to be a sign that he’s a very frequent user. </p>

<p>Generally THC stays detectable in one’s system for about 30 days, though often times it can be much less for people who don’t smoke frequently, or those who don’t have a lot of body fat. Since THC is fat soluble. </p>

<p>To be honest, as long as he’s getting good grades, I really wouldn’t worry about this.</p>

<p>PS: the sheets and cardboard you found is called a “sploof” and is designed to mask the smell.</p>

15

<p>My thoughts on home testing: Unless there’s a lot more indication of a serious problem than you have disclosed, you are overreacting and risking far more of an issue with your child than you need to do. </p>

<p>If my parents had suggested this to me, that’s the last they would have seen of me at home for a long time. I never particularly cared about my “right” to smoke pot, and my best friend had to stay away from it pretty carefully because he had a persistent bad reaction. But I would not have put up with random testing by my parents.</p>

<p>If there is a much more serious problem – by which I mean repeated incidents with serious consequences, and other indications that the kid cannot control his risk exposure – then I could imagine random testing being part of a comprehensive response that included lots of other things, including ongoing family therapy.</p>

16

<p>i smok pot erday and im a solid b/c student
w33d 4 lyfe</p>

17

<p>JHS said pretty much what I would have said. I do think you can have a “my house, my rules” talk. I probably wouldn’t worry about what goes on at college as long as the grades don’t deteriorate. (Writing as someone who smoked pot at many parties in college, bought it once while there, and gave it up in grad school.)</p>

18

<p>… Please tell me you don’t actually mean this post to a support of weed use, right?</p>

<p>JDH: Agreed, it would horribly effect my relationship with my parents if they tried to test me, I’d view it as a major invasion of my privacy, as well as a clear statement they neither trust me, think I’m responsible , or view me as an adult.</p>

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<p>What the heck is random drug testing him going to do? He smokes pot recreationally, and he drinks, both illegal. He’s admitted it. Did he say he was going to quit? You already caught him with the goods, he’s admitted he indulges and he has even gotten into trouble for the contraband. What more do you need to get help for YOU?</p>

<p>The problem is not so much that he is using, how much he is using, or what he will be using as you really have absolutely no control over that. The problem is his attitude towards it. To be caught that many times in less than a year is truly a danger sign and to be so open with the stuff is disrespectful and rude. He doesn’t care if you know, don’t like it, shouldn’t be dragged into his substance abuse. He is so rude that he is dragging you into his drug/alcohol use. Something is truly wrong with a kid like that unless the family dynamics have made this an ok thing. </p>

<p>As said above, the THC is going to be in his system for a while, so testing for pot is going to be positive. You already know that. You also know that he is buying, carrying and stashing the stuff which to me is a straightout sign that he is more than a small time recreational user. He wants the stuff so much that he is going to be smoking it in your house,not just partaking at a party with others when it is passed around. He wants his private stash to use when he wants to indulge. And he’ll store the stuff in your house. He also is drinking. A bottle in the bedroom is not a good sign. </p>

<p>I think you need some professional guidance. Your son is highly likely to be thrown out or jailed for use of drugs/drink at college. Three times already as a freshman he has been caught! This is not a little thing. Most kids if they get caught once lie low and are careful and he is not . Again, it’s his attitude towards this whole thing that is making me jumpy. If he were mine, he would be going to some program with and without me this summer for what he did and wouldn’t get a dime for school unless he went through this I would jump on it with both feet. Once the law and/or the college gets involved, he can really get himself in big trouble. You’ve gotten your notice which is better than many parents get before something happens.</p>

<p>And yes, starting late usually means they have a better chance of not getting hooked on it. But “better” does not mean it won’t happen. And you can get into a heck of a lot of trouble with contraband without getting addicted and just using it recreationally. Though I doubt you can make him stop, in fact, I’m sure you can’t, you can make him tread a bit more cautiously unless he is already so far gone that he can’t.</p>

20

<p>I wouldn’t worry about it too much either, it sounds like a pretty typical college student. It’s not great that he brought the items home, but if he has no other place to put them, did you expect him to just pitch them out? They can be expensive. I wouldn’t assume he is drinking or smoking in your house, either - it’s possible, but I for example brought my alcohol and drug paraphernalia to my parents’ house with no intent to use either of them over the summer - I’m just keeping them here over the summer since I have nowhere else to keep them.</p>

<p>Randomly drug testing a student while he is away at college seems incredibly restrictive. If you are not paying for his college and he is over 18 I think that would be absolutely ridiculous. (If you are paying it’s slightly more understandable, but still extremely restrictive). I personally would not stand for that even if I could pass and I would move out.</p>

<p>Coming from a student for whom pot was technically a “gateway drug” (I did smoke before I used any other drugs, however I believe I would have used other drugs whether I smoked or not, so take that as you will), I would not worry about weed at all. As someone has said, the main issue is that time smoking is unproductive, like watching TV. If his grades remain good and his personality does not change or anything, I really wouldn’t be worried at all, it’s a very benign substance and many people, even successful adults, have and still do use it. Constant use would be a problem like anything else in life.</p>

<p>I might monitor him to make sure he doesn’t consume other drugs, or look for paraphernalia of such. I do use drugs, but since you seem so worried I can give you a little advice. (As a drug user, I find that if people do go beyond weed, the first drug they often try is ecstasy, which has lots of paraphernalia you could look up, items people wouldn’t have if they weren’t using the drug. They also often start listening to techno music. The other route they can go is prescription drugs, so look around for pills and pill bottles. Otherwise look for strange pipes or other drugs, mirrors w/ powder on them, see if his credit cards or license are getting worn on the sides, etc.) Also, if he fails his drug test, let that be a consequence that he has to deal with on his own - not getting the job he wants and having to find another one, etc.</p>

<p>Honestly in college if most students are cited, especially for drinking or smoking weed, they aren’t going to quit drinking. That involves a huge shift in how they socially conduct themselves that would be difficult and probably boring if you are accustomed to drinking and going out all the time. I wouldn’t consider that a sign of addiction unless you think all college students are alcoholics (and I wouldn’t consider that too much of a stretch).</p>

<p>I think your concern comes from the fact that you have never smoked - most adults I know, including my parents, assume that I smoke (and drink) and don’t really care, since my grades are good and everything they assume it has no significant influence on my life, which is true. I encourage you to try to act similarly.</p>