I’m 28 and never had a girlfriend because dating is too hard to understand. I was recently on a dating app and once matched with someone and complimented them “you have pretty eyes”. She told me “do you say that to every girl?” I responded “no, only you”. After that she stopped responding and I felt upset because I’m not a witty person or have a charming talk with banter. I was a math major and am pretty good with numbers, can create Tableau reports for counties that voted and store thousands of rows of diverse data in a server.
However, flirting and teasing, I can’t understand and I feel way behind in dating. It’s a misconception that intelligent people are always funny and witty. I’ve been told “you’re a math major? So you’re really smart”.
I’m responding to this because I feel for you. I can relate having started dating later in life and finding love relatively later in life, unfortunately I can’t address the challenges Asperger’s brings into the equation. There was nothing wrong with the compliment you gave or how you handled the situation so don’t beat yourself up over that.
Dating is hard! For most people! We all have insecurities and anxieties. Few people are as “smooth” as on TV and the movies! I don’t have a magic answer for you except to tell you- there is someone for everyone. You will find her someday! Do not give up! Use every date or encounter as a learning experience for the future. If someone doesn’t get you or your vibe- it’s their loss! I know it sounds corny but you have to believe in yourself and that you are special and have something to offer the right person and it’s just a search until you find them.
Also if you have friends of either gender you can certainly ask them for feedback on how you present publicly both in conversation and in physical presentation to give you some pointers if there are aspects of your personality/dress/etc that you should turn the volume up or down on.
Good luck and don’t give up. Love is really hard to find but it really is worth it!
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I also think there was nothing wrong with your interaction…online dating is tough because it’s impossible for anyone to read the intentions and emotions behind words. Between that and the number of scammers and players and dangerous people who use online dating for reasons that just get in the way of people like you trying to use it legitimately, I’d say maybe you should consider the old-fashioned advice of meeting like-minded people in person through activities you enjoy. I know that may pose challenges for you as well, but there is a higher concentration of “real” people out there in the real world (100%) versus the weird world of online dating. Plus you can meet friends as well as possible romantic partners, and also friends who may one day become romantic partners. Good luck and do not give up, we are rooting for you!
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Finding love is frustrating for many of us. Sometimes you have to expand your circle of who you interact with.
Maybe you could volunteer your data analysis services to some local non-profits. They never have enough time to do that kind of thing, but it is very important for some to track their impact and tell their story in different ways. This would provide some connections to others in a different realm than work or school.
Also, share with your friends or siblings that you are interested in dating and if they could let you know if they think of anyone who may be interested in a date.
Work on just going out with groups of people, too. Sometimes something sparks when you least expect it.
All the best!
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