Italian students fighting with the Statement of Purpose for Princeton Graduate School

<p>Hi! I am an Italian student and I am going to apply to Princeton in the next weeks. I am writing my statement of purposes and it it not that clear to me the "correct" way admission commissions expect me to do it.
If someone had time to give a look and criticize I'd really appreciate.
This is the statement:</p>

<pre><code>I have studied engineering in Italy, France, and United States, and have made the thoughtful decision to pursue my graduate studies in the last one.

I studied Aerospace engineering in Rome for seven years, two of which abroad. I enjoyed the subjects but good scores partially indicate suitability to research. I wanted to test my skills and add a personal mark to my education thus I participated to an European students exchange program. I spent one in year in France at Supaero*, because of its close relationship with the most important European aerospace industries and research institutions. I experienced a rich period meeting people from all international backgrounds and immersing myself in the culture. I acquired an interest in humanity, which I admit to have lacked before, and I gained the social maturity I was searching by throwing myself in a new environment. By learning French, I can proudly say that I will always be an avid promoter of communication in the languages overwhelmed European Union.
</code></pre>

<p>Achieving much worked for results I was given the opportunity to spend five months working in ONERA, (“Office National d’Etudes et de Recherches Aérospatiales”), modeling VonKarman vortex shedding (please see the résumé for details). I was absorbed and discovered my passion for hands on research. The way I dealt with my obligations, which reflects the personality I acquired through musical practice, were highly appreciated by my advisor, Mme xxxxx1. Starting from middle school, music gave fundamental contributions to my personality. I learnt efficient scheduling, allotting at least two daily hours for practice, my engineering studies still being very heavy. My devotion to work, endurance to long term pressure, and the will to be the first teacher of myself by a constructive auto-criticism were skills I forcely had to develop to achieve results in this tough discipline. </p>

<pre><code>With my final goal of completing my studies in United States, I was accepted by Prof. xxxx2 as a research assistant in the Turbulent Combustion Laboratory of Pennsylvania State University, on the behalf of Professor xxxx3's recommendation. The purpose of my research, which I will present in Rome as my undergraduate thesis, centers on the original design and construction of a variable length combustor, the analysis of its unstable behavior with special attention to the influence of fuel composition and the validation of a time-lag model predicting instabilities. I was able to gain valuable research experience and use a wide range of experimental equipment completing my most numerical and theoretical education.
While writing this letter I am finishing my thesis, and am still enjoying the incredible opportunities available to me here. I especially liked the philosophy, “this is your lab and your goals, now build your thesis,” which gave me a high responsibility and the satisfaction of being trusted to pursue individual research without constant guidance. Being initially embarrassed to ask questions, I soon overcame this brief hindrance and developed an understanding of how team work in the laboratory is encouraged. My active, positive attitude is appreciated and considered stimulating for the laboratory atmosphere: even the most experienced people can be forced to reflect on a puzzling question posed by a student. This learning process, consisting of being provided only hints rather than a detailed how-to guide, left me at struggling for solutions still helping me to take the rigth direction and save time. I found the focused, high-density learning experience I had been looking for.
</code></pre>

<p>Although I tested and then confirmed my desire to pursue scientific research, I also felt a sense of incompleteness. When I identified the right model in ONERA and obtained a first stabilization of the shedding, I had to leave and further advancements were obtained in my absence. Similarly, I must leave PennState for Rome and other students will explore the new directions my current results suggest. It is time for a long-term endeavour and a PhD matches my will. </p>

<pre><code> I want to focus on researches related to the design of a hypersonic vehicle. Princeton offers me two possibilities, both interesting me in the same way. The first is to work in the combustion group, because of its research in supersonic combustion. I especially aim to work with Professor xxxx4 on plasma enhanced counter flow flame as it attempts to understand the fundamentals of plasma flame interaction. Its controlled conditions and configuration deal with a convenient number of phenomena and allows numerical simulations for comparison and more insight view (on the opposite, combustion instabilities are extremely sensible to boundary conditions thus, experiments are intrinsically less controllable and numerical simulations are difficult to calibrate). Still, the possibility to add complexity step by step, for example considering turbulent counter flows, will eventually produce a coherent series of experiments to which I would like to contribute as a PhD student. Otherwise, I would like to focus my research on flow-electromagnetic field interactions, especially applied to turbulence active control, reentry overheating or drag reduction. These techonologies are actually unexploited but they could have a massive impact on space transportation.

During my graduate studies, I plan to extend my knowledge in combustion and fluid dynamic, and prepare myself to pursue research in an academic or research institution. The department of mechanical and aerospace engineering at Princeton, which conducted research sponsored by NASA in relation to the X43 program and hosts an interdisciplinary group devoted to high-speed vehicle design, will provide me with important future job connections and with the education matching my desires. I hope to be able to become a part of your community, sharing amity with motivated people and contributing with my enthusiasm, skills and determination.
</code></pre>

<ul>
<li>One of the "Grands Ecoles Francaiçes d'Ingegnérie"</li>
</ul>

<p>Total words: 934</p>

<p>Questions:</p>

<p>1)Is it too long?
2) should I be so specific about the experiment I want to participate to?
3) should I even suggest how I would like to "change" it and make a comparison with things I found frustrating in my previous research about combustion instabilities?</p>

<p>I a pretty sure the statement requires deep grammar review and I am waiting for my girl friend to help me... I am more interested in your opinion about the content.</p>

<p>Thank you very much!
Lorenzo</p>

<p>It does seem a little long, but aside from the word choice and grammar issues, I think you've done very well. I came away with a very clear picture of what you have done and where you want to go from there, and why you want to pursue this at Princeton. I think the specificity that you are concerned about helps readers to see that you have very clear goals, and have studied enough to know exactly what you are interested in, and why you want to pursue graduate study. I would leave it.</p>

<p>I'll ask for help in english... writing is not one of my strong points, I got a 4 in the analytical writing of GRE. SIGH!</p>

<p>I'd say that a 4 is pretty good for someone whose first language is not english. There are a lot of native english speakers who get 3's or 4's on that, so you should be pretty proud of that 4, and remember that the scale only goes up to 6!</p>

<p>Personally, I would eliminate the musical stuff from the second paragraph, it does not contribute to your essay. It's rather distracting and pointless. By eliminating those sentences you can free up space to further elborate on your Von Karman vortex shedding research (instead of refering the reviewer to look at your resume). I would suggest doing this because you are going to grad. school to research, not to play the flute (or whatever you play).</p>

<p>Once your g/f cleans up the grammar, you should be good to go.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

<p>Mmmmm, this is the point:
music was very important for me and I would never have been a good worker without it. I did not learn anything in high school, it was really a waste of time. I really do not know how to insert this point in my essay and it that is the best way a found, even if I realize that there is something forced in those lines. I understand that in grad school thye do not care that much abut extracurr. act. (I played cello for instance!) but I do not want to look as if I did nothing else than calculations in my life... and I think a diversified education contributes to maturity and makes people agreable to work with.
Anyway, thank you for your suggestion, they are always welcome and I'll think thoroughly about whether keep or erease it.
Lorenzo</p>