<p>My youngest was certain of is first choice school. So certain, his entire high school career centered around getting into this school. He had visited and researched others throughout his older two brothers journeys and knew what he didn't want. To make a long story short, it is time to send off for early decision by Nov 1 st and his second choice school is courting him heavily. They have already shown him the amount of initial scholarships they can "guarantee" him and it's very impressive. They have had the head of the department in his intended major personally meet with him and an admissions counselor again take him out of the group to personally meet him and students take him to lunch and email him and they are selling their school to him. Exact opposite of his dream school. Now he's ambivalent about choosing a school who essentially has "played hard to get vs one who has rolled out the red carpet" and my heart says go where you're wanted but his whole existence has been to go to this dream school. So do you suggest pick a designer label school or one that is good too but WAY more kind and user friendly? I'm thinking the early decision thing needs to be rescinded?</p>
<p>Keep in mind that much of that kindness comes from the admissions office, and the college that your student will actually experience has no connection to the admissions office. Kind of like buying a car. You don’t take the sales person home with you.</p>
<p>Meetings with department heads may or may not be important. Some schools do that a lot and it’s not very meaningful. Some schools do it rarely, so it means a lot when it happens. Can you find out which is which?</p>
<p>The money is a big consideration, and maybe the most important, but only if the offers really are guarantees, something you can point to in writing. At some schools (like the one where I teach) academic scholarships are awarded according to an index, so they really are a 100% guarantee. I would consider a verbal guarantee meaningless.</p>
<p>It sound to me like holding off on the ED school is a good idea. Apply to all RD and compare offers in the spring. You never know - he may have several attractive offers at that time. </p>
<p>You’ll have to compare schools based not on how they are courting him but what they can provide academically and career goal wise. And financially if that is a concern. If the schools really are similar then delve into it more–scholarships and a bit of special treatment can really smooth the way. I definitely would not go early decision-- too limiting of his options.
My son was won over by courting–and like your son–in the best possible way–vibrant students with whom he really identified. The school felt like “home” before he stepped into his first class. A great thing. But again, if there is a very big difference in academics, career goal opportunities then stick with the dream school. Only you can determine if finances will make a difference.</p>
<p>My older son had a somewhat similar experience. At the end of his process, after receiving his various acceptances and rejections, there were two schools left that he was still considering - one that had lavished time, attention, and an extremely generous, all-inclusive merit scholarship package on him. They even had the billionaire sponsor of his scholarship call him for an interview, and to let him know he was the recipient of the scholarship. The other school had the better “brand name,” and treated him very courteously, too, but the financial aid package, although very good, wasn’t near to the first school’s scholarship offer, and he was just one more kid in the crowd at the second school.</p>
<p>Clearly, the first school really, really wanted my son much more than the second school, and made it quite obvious. But the second school matched his academic caliber better, and after a short visit to the second school (we live near the first school and had been there many times), decided for the second school. He’s a junior now, and the decision has turned out very, very well. His younger brother saw how much fun he was having, and applied last year, and joined him there this year as an incoming freshman.</p>
<p>In my view, unless something feels really wrong, go with the school that is the best objective fit, not the one that “loves” him the most. Like WasatchWriter suggests, the quality of that “love” may change once he arrives on campus.</p>
<p>Aren’t you obliged to accept the ED school? Isn’t that the deal you made, that you withdraw acceptances and applications at other schools unless you can’t afford the ED school? (Their financial aid is way less than predicted your financial situation has changed since you applied.) Lots of kids get cold feet, that doesn’t mean they should walk away from their ED school.</p>
<p>@mathmom , I don’t think this kid has applied ED yet. Seems like they were thinking about ED but now another school is courtng him and the parents are wondering if he should do ED or not since the kid now seems ambivalent. </p>
<p>ED is Nov 1st–don’t think it’s actually been sent in yet which is why the question is posed.</p>
<p>Ah fair enough then.</p>
<p>Just keep in mind that your S won’t see anyone from admissions for his four years in college. They will be done with him once he signs up to attend. He should go to the school that turns out to be the best fit when you take everything into account (ex. academics/social/financial).</p>
<p>What’s the rush? Apply RD, then make a less hurried decision in the spring when all offers are in, and your S can compare them. </p>
<p>ED is only appropriate if the school is the clear first choice, with no need to compare financial aid offers, which no longer seems to be the case.</p>
<p>True ucbalumnus, it was the clear first choice. Not as clear unfortunately any longer. In regards to the financial aid part we did promise him that if he got in to his first choice we’d figure a way to help financially and that is still the case. We have complete faith in his choice and he cant go wrong with either place plus since they are private they are priced the about the same. It really came down to I believe, the attention and wanting him there vs the other place I’d guess you could say and not personally reaching out at all. I am tempted to encourage him to stay the course do early decision at his dream school since they only accept approximately 230 students ED and if they don’t accept him then he has no regrets. He loves school #2 who is INCREDIBLY welcoming and kind and he can say he gave it all for his dream school and they made the decision for him. If they accept him its where he always wanted to go anyhow. He will find his place. Does that sound reasonable? </p>
<p>Is it possible the early love for the school has waned? After all, what a high school freshman finds attractive is not necessarily the same thing a high school senior might find attractive. It was his dream, but maybe it isn’t his dream school any longer.</p>
<p>He could be drawn to the second, “friendlier” school because it fits him better.</p>
<p>Great Point! If i could describe the visit to the second school…it was like Truman in the Truman show… they had touched on every aspect of what he likes it was almost like they staged the whole visit. I’m sure they didn’t but it sure seemed uncanny that they planned every aspect of it to accentuate everything he loves. My husband and I were shaking are heads in disbelief that they touched on all the aspects he loved and did it personally. His dream school just has that atmosphere of academia and breathing the air makes you smarter and its old charm and character is pretty amazing but the folks are distant and “stuck up” in a way for lack of a better vocabulary. He emails profs and students there and no reply, or weeks later they send a curt response. He is an automatic Admit and received several admission offers at great State Schools. He is just hung up on the one that “plays hard to get” and I think it is not looking so attractive after all. Especially since private school #2 pushed all the right buttons! </p>
<p>Just my own curiousity but how does the 2nd school even know about your kid? He’s not turned in any applications yet, right? So did he win a large prize or competition that then drew their attention? </p>
<p>The choice to apply ED should ultimately come from the student. Obviously, if a family has financial concerns and wants to compare packages, the choice NOT to apply ED comes from the parents (check writers). But an ED application should be a clear first choice. And you can leave this in the hands of your son. He knows if he wants to go there “no matter what.”</p>
<p>They invited him to sing with their top choral group, told him three trumpets are graduating and they need him to play in Jazz and Wind Ensemble that travels to London and Washington DC then showed him a lab with rhesus monkeys that they do research for neuroscience and while walking from on place to the next there just happened to be the most adorable young lady who is also in the neuroscience department walking the same way to go to the rehearsal they invited him to sing with…and then a group taking him to lunch it just seemed seriously like the Truman show 
</p>
<p>Are the two schools in a different tier, or have more than 25 rungs separating them in rankings? It could be that the second school sees your son as a high-stats kid to attract, whereas the first school has many applicants who see it as very desirable. Sometimes, it doesn’t mean the aggressive wooing will lead to happiness, nor that it’s a good fit.
Finally, all of it could be a marketing ploy that your son fell for.
On the other hand, if both schools are of a similar caliber and vibe but one is friendlier after a visit, it could just be your son changed his mind or knows more precisely what he wants.
Can you give more details?</p>
<p>poetgrl you are absolutely correct! We all got wooed…it is ultimately his decision 10,000% I like black and white! I will remind him if he is not ready to say “no matter what” he should not apply early decision. Thank you for keeping it simple that helps especially since its all the sudden has become clear as mud. </p>