<p>...that we (students) work so hard during high school with the idea that everything we put into our schooling will pay off with attending the college of our dreams. and now that we've gotten in, we can't afford it.</p>
<p>sorry for the pessimism, but it just really sucks.</p>
<p>No different than the thousands of adults that put years of hard work into a career only to lose that job due to circumstances beyond their control.</p>
<p>No different than parents who spend time and money trying to raise their children the best they can, only to have those children become drug addicts, alcoholics or drop-outs.</p>
<p>No different than adults who invest themselves completely in a marriage, only to find out that their partner is not quite as "invested".</p>
<p>No different than adults who work as hard as they possibly can, working multiple jobs and still have their house foreclosed on.</p>
<p>I could go on and on -- what you need to realize is that hard work doesn't always lead to success. It isn't fair, it sucks -- but that is the way it works sometimes.</p>
<p>Wow, this is the most depressing thread I have ever read...</p>
<p>I second that. :/</p>
<p>Part of the problem is that we have a whole generation of kids out there who have been given advice based on a set of assumptions that just aren't correct any more. Thus and such grades/ECs/test scores will get you into such and such college/university. Thus and such grades/ECs/test scores will get you a merit scholarship at such and such college/university. I could go on and on.</p>
<p>Not to mention the families that just plain don't understand the financial aid process well enough so that their EFC comes as a huge, hideous surprise to them.</p>
<p>Knowledge is power. Spread it.</p>
<p>happymomof1 -- I also think it has something to do with the generation of kids that have been told all their life that they are "special, terrific, brilliant, gifted" etc. What they don't realize is that there are tens of thousands of kids who are equally as bright, gifted, etc.</p>
<p>They have also been told for years that if they do their best, they will get what they want; that hard work and effort always pays off; that all they have to do is set their mind to it and their dreams will come true. I think kids used to get a reality check much earlier in life than college admissions.</p>
<p>I don't usually post on this particular forum, but I just had to say - bravo, hsmom! I think you nailed it!</p>
<p>As kids, many of us are understandably naive and are taught and given to believe that if we do all the right things, the hard work and good deeds will pay off and we'll be rewarded accordingly. It's disappointing to learn as we grow older and wiser and experience more of the real world that we don't exist in a meritocracy and that life is not a meritocracy.</p>
<p>hsmomstef,</p>
<p>**** applause applause applause *****</p>
<p>p.s. I'm going to print this out and submit it to my son's school newspaper. So many kids these days feel they are "entitled" to a payoff. No one wants to do anything good unless they see a reward in the end.</p>
<p>Great post hsmomstef</p>
<p>Based on the OP's prior posts, it seems as if the school in question is Bucknell University while the OP's financially realistic alternative is Colgate University. If this is accurate, then the OP's hard work did, indeed, pay off! (Bucknell University is known as one of the most expensive schools in the country, but did offer the OP a $10,000 grant, and, apparently Colgate offered more.) To post #10: What a horrible thing to do to young adults. In my experience, hard work does pay off. Even in the instant case the OP was admitted to Bucknell & Colgate; the OP just didn't do enough research on Bucknell's financial aid.</p>
<p>If you do something because you think there will be a payoff and you will be rewarded- grow up.</p>
<p>Life isn't fair. Natural Selection isn't fair. Children getting inoperable brain tumours isn't fair. Not getting picked for National Merit isn't fair & neither is three tours of duty in Iraq.</p>
<p>Life isn't meant to be fair. When life was designed, fairness was not in the specs. Fairness is not a quality that life had in some Golden Age past, or that it might acquire in an Utopian future. Life falls down on all of us without regard to who we are or what we deserve.</p>
<p>The statement “life isn’t fair” is not a complaint. It makes as much sense to complain that life isn’t fair as to complain that grass isn’t orange. Really getting this means not being disappointed in life because it fails to be fair.</p>
<p>You put effort into your job, your family, your classwork because it is the right thing to do- not because someone is going to pat you on the back.</p>
<p>If that isn't enough for you, move over so someone else can have your seat.</p>
<p>Marfern -- "As kids, many of us are understandably naive and are taught and given to believe that if we do all the right things, the hard work and good deeds will pay off and we'll be rewarded accordingly."</p>
<p>While I agree with that, my issue is that it used to be 8 year old kids who were naive and believed that they could earn enough money to buy that brand new red schwinn bike at the hardware store by selling lemonade on saturday.</p>
<p>In today's world, those naive kids are not longer 8 but are 18, and they still think that by going to school and working hard, they should be able to have that fancy school that everyone is talking about.</p>
<p>Sometimes having disappointments earlier in life allows you to understand that it isn't about you personally, things sometimes just don't work out the way you want them to. You pick up the pieces and go on -- I just think this is a lesson that is delayed for many kids of the current generation. </p>
<p>As parents, we want to protect our kids from disappointment and for some parents with money, means and connections, we can protect them from disappointment right up until they are 18 or beyond.</p>
<p>My D has learned that things don't always work out as planned but if you continue to work hard to achieve your dream something good will usually come out of it. You may not win a competition but what you learned and gained from participating cannot be measured. I always try to talk with my D when something doesn't go as planned, about the positives. For example: You didn't win, but what you learned was that if you work on whatever, you will be better prepared next time. Good to know!<br>
You didn't get into Harvard? So what! You did get into schools XYZ and that is wonderful! My D has learned from trying that you need to do everything you can to succeed and then be happy with what is achieved. Know that if you give up or don't try at all then nothing will happen. Something is always better than Nothing!</p>
<p>And yes, my D was very successful in the admission process this year, but she has had many many setbacks in her life. Thank God she has learned to keep trying! She now knows that no matter what happens there is always something else to work on to make another dream a reality. </p>
<p>When God closes a door, he opens a window...</p>
<p>singermom1 -- that is exactly what we do with our kids. We also let them know upfront that many other kids have worked equally hard and are equally qualified -- sometimes it just wasn't meant to be. I honestly think that my husband's job loss that occurred 6 years ago and the ensuing fiancial difficulties is probably one of the best things that could have happened to my kids. They really do appreciate all the opportunities they are given -- large and small -- and do not take anything for granted (including food, shoes and utilities). The experience has really changed them for the better. </p>
<p>Yes -- hard can pay off and the alternative would be to not work hard and have no expectation and just drift through life, but it is important to understand that life doesn't always work out the way you think it should.</p>
<p>icy--- your post is great-- imo hard work does usually pay off but we do not control what it gets us--working hard at one's job often gets one a promotion or raise--but at times forces out of our control interfere and one is laid off--so one doesn't stop working hard--simply picks themselves up, gets a new job and continues to work hard--and also incorporates the lessons they learned from the first setback--like keeping one's resume up to date, etc.---Kids--it's understandable to feel sad briefly, but also remind yourself and feel good about what your hard work HAS afforded you--maybe not the exact dream you wished for but happiness usually is connected to wanting what we have (are given) and being open to the hidden opportunities we may find</p>
<p>I don't want my kids to be so "realistic" or pragmatic that they become reluctant to think big or dream big. I don't want them to go around expecting disappointment. I think it's important for them to believe they can achieve their far reaching, lofty goals. At the same, time I teach them how to manage the inevitable disappointments life can bring, and how to bounce back from them being stronger. I honestly think those are two different lessons. Both are equally important, but the former is easier to teach than the latter, and many parents abrogate their responsibility in that area. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, managing disappointment appropriately is a lesson a lot of parents never learned themselves.</p>
<p>That's all I can say, LIFE ISN'T FAIR, and it's always true.</p>
<p>I think FLAVDAD said it well, we need to teach our children how to manage disappointments, and I think if the OP's parent(s) had been honest with him, this was one disappointment that possibly could have been avoided.
I also am not hypocritical enough to deny that getting into college - an outstanding college - is the main reason my child worked so hard in high school. She didn't get a tutor for the SAT because it was the right thing to do.</p>
<p>icy9ff8--</p>
<p>that's not exactly right. i actually didn't get into colgate, which is fine. i really like bucknell, but it's true that all they gave me was the merit scholarship, leaving my mom and i to come up with the other $40k.</p>
<p>also, i did research bucknell's financial aid. they are reported as meeting 100% of demonstrated need and offer an average need based scholarship or grant award of $21,300. this in mind, i sort of thought i might be receiving something along those lines.</p>
<p>everyone--</p>
<p>and i know that life isn't fair and things could be much worse off for me, but everyone's problems seem monumental to them. i'm very thankful for everything that i do have, but i think it's ok for me (and everyone) to feel sad or disappointed for a little while when things don't work out the way they wanted or planned.</p>
<p>my financial and family situation is extremely complicated and unique, and if there had been some way for me to know the position my family and i would be in today, i'm sure we would have had some of the discussions other families did about what schools would be affordable.</p>
<p>i hope everything works out for you all</p>