<p>All summer, been preparing to move Daughter #1 to school. First child to leave home. All through senior year, through graduation, I am fine. 36 hours to go and the panic starts. And the tears. Trying to hide my anxiety, my sadness but this is way difficult. I'm not even worried for her......just going to miss her so much! It's as if she's gone, no longer going to be living with me, no longer my little girl. How many memories can pass through a mother's mind? </p>
<p>I know I'll survive.......just want a bit of reassurance from those that have been there, done that. Thanks!</p>
<p>Awwww, momray. here come the hugs: {{{{{momray}}}}}</p>
<p>This is so hard, I know. Just took one-and-only back for sophomore year. My only advice, which I 've posted several times, is to:
1. go ahead and cry ahead of time.
2. fess up to your daughter that you are excited for her and said for yourself. She's picking up on something, I'm sure. Let her know how proud you are, etc. It's OK for her to know that you love her so much that it is hard to see her go, but that it is your issue and the natural consequence of having a good relationship with her
3. Then: try to focus on your pride, gratitude, and excitement. I found that I couldn't feel sorry for myself and grateful at the same time! Focus on that gratitude.</p>
<p>Does this mean that I was never sad? Absolutely not. We dropped S off on
Saturday and I already miss him like crazy. But it is less like heartbreak now and more like I forgot to put on my watch or ring or something. Do you get my meaning? I know something is missing, but it is not overwhelming.</p>
<p>Long way of saying that there are ways to cope, and I've shared mine with you, and that this is something we survive.</p>
<p>momray--I feel your pain! I get weepy just remembering how I felt this time last year. Hang in there. It gets easier but for some of us it takes a little longer.</p>
<p>This may be hard, but I think you may need to change your focus for today and tomorrow -- and however long you will be in her college community -- to mostly emphasize her experience rather than yours.</p>
<p>Your transition is a long-term one, and you will have plenty of time to process the change when you get home.</p>
<p>Her transition is immediate, and move-in day can be very stressful for some kids.</p>
<p>I moved my daughter in last Friday. She was fine on the drive up on Thursday, probably because it resembled so many other trips that we have taken together. But Thursday night in the hotel room, the fact that she would be going off to an entirely new world the next day suddenly hit her, and on move-in day itself, she was a wreck -- overwhelmed by the busyness, the newness, all the meetings and events that she had to go to while we were still trying to unpack and set up her room, and all the details she had to remember (like having to carry your keys to the bathroom and your ID and your keys whenever you go anywhere else, just so that you won't get locked out). I think she slept all of three hours the night before move-in, and all she managed to choke down on move-in day itself was half a roll and a banana.</p>
<p>My daughter seems fine now (although I may hear differently later; today is the first day of classes). But I think I did more parenting -- in terms of reassurance, practical help, and just listening to her -- on move-in day than I have done in years.</p>
<p>I have no inspiring words of wisdom for you Momray, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone in this. I feel your pain. In 48 hours D and I will be arriving on her campus. I've been keeping myself busy with shopping, laundry, and packing and have been trying hard not to think (or cry) too much about it. Those tears seem to pop up at the darnedest times!</p>
<p>I know that driving away will be hard, but I'm going to try to focus on the positives and all the new experiences and adventures D will have. I was relieved to find out that D WANTS me to cry as we part. Now I don't have to worry about holding it in until she can't see.</p>
<p>I guess that this is just more proof that it really is hard to be a parent. Sending HUGS to you and all the moms and dads who are feeling the separation anxiety this week.</p>
<p>Hopefully your D is very happy and excited about college. When we left our S1 at school two years ago he was happy and smiling and just looked so in his element. He looked so right standing there in front of that dorm that I couldn't be sad.<br>
Every time you feel like crying (and while you're crying) try to remember your D's excitement and happiness in her new life. We always end up feeling better if we know our kids are happy. </p>
<p>Sounds like you have other children (since you said D1). Keep yourself busy with the one(s) at home. My S2 is in h.s. and involved in sports so I kind of focused on that (looking forward to football games every Fri., volunteering to help with the team meals, etc) during those first few sad weeks. Try to keep busy and soon you'll get into a routine. You may always miss life the way it used to be but it will get easier.</p>
<p>Momray--next weekend, my youngest is leaving for his senior year. We're just about done, so I'm at the other end of the spectrum. And I'm here to tell you there is a really cool, rewarding, exciting experience for you in this new stage of being a parent.</p>
<p>My oldest is a happy, independent, self-supporting young woman and college graduate. Her transition to college was fraught with stresses, including transfering after one year, but everything turned out just fine, and getting to know her as an adult equal continues to be a pleasure.</p>
<p>My youngest has also had his ups and downs; they hit later for him, during junior year, but he has persevered and learned and become stronger in the process. I can't believe he's graduating this year--no post-grad plans yet, but I trust he'll find a path, too.</p>
<p>We're very close to both of them, and know that we will always be an important part of their lives.</p>
<p>And as for us parents? H and I have really enjoyed getting to spend time together we hadn't had since we were very young. He went back to school and changed careers; I've gotten back to writing and might actually finish the novel some day soon. We've taken up kayaking and biking, and are about to buy the house we're going to retire to (and move permanently into sooner than retirement if we find jobs there.)</p>
<p>All of this is way, way in the future for you, but I thought you might like to hear from the really other-est side of things, to know that, even when it seems like it's more difficult and stressful, it's not really an end to anything, just a new way of being a family.</p>
<p>I now have an empty nest after leaving younger S at college yesterday. I am so happy for him as his college seems an excellent match for him. Be prepared for your D to be a bit grouchy as it is such an exciting and anxiety-provoking event to be moving to college and then having to rise to the challenge of meeting new people and making new friends.</p>
<p>S normally is very calm, but was a bit grouchy. I did not take it personally. I took him out to dinner, and, while he was too polite to say so outright, from his not saying very much, I could see that he was impatient to get back to campus. </p>
<p>Anyway, if your D acts similarly -- which is typical -- don't take it personally. Realize she loves you dearly, but is eager to jump into her new life. Try your best to be proud and happy that you raised a D independent and confident enough to leave home for college. Do something special for yourself when you get home like get yourself a facial or some other pampering.</p>
<p>If you don't have a pet, consider getting one to lavish love on. A year ago, I got 2 rabbits, and while they can't take the place of a beloved child who's now at school, I do enjoy their company, and their presence makes the house not seem as empty as it would be without S.</p>
<p>Hugs to you and all parents going through these kind of bittersweet transitions.</p>
<p>We dropped youngest off over the weekend and my eldest walked out the door this morning. So we are OFFICIALLY empty nesters and I'm ready I think.</p>
<p>Youngest finally called yesterday (after I put in a call to him) and when I asked him why he didn't call me sooner he said, "I've only been gone a couple of days!" Geez! I just wanted to know how everything was going. (He's happy.)</p>
<p>It was easier (but not totally easy) second time around. It takes a couple of weeks though! Keep busy and it's OK to feel bad. It's funny, but knowing that we feel very differently about it than our kids helps a bit.</p>
<p>ZG goes tomorrow too. I'm pretty weepy but mostly under control with her. She surprised me when I got off the bus last night from work by sitting in the car at the bus stop to take me out for ice cream before she went to her friend's house. Zooserbrother (8) has bronchitis and is quite sick, so if there's not substantial improvement, I may not be going tomorrow. Someone please send up some get well vibes for him! Good luck everyone. Hugs to those who are sad, and good wishes to everyone starting with new lives!</p>
<p>I cried all last Friday and Saturday. Daughter and I cried together Saturday night. Surprisingly, I only got teary eyed when we said good bye (and it was quick before I bawled) Sunday at her dorm and she did not cry at all. In fact she tried to comfort me.</p>
<p>I'm sending double-strength antibodies to Zooserbro, and cyber-ice cream cones to all the rest of you first-timers. It will get better, really!!!:)</p>
<p>I feel your pain. We let D1 go away to a conservatory for 9th grade. The high of her acceptance kept us up until I got on the plane to come home. It was the toughest thing I had to do. I flew up with her on a Wed, was to stay until Sat to see what she might need after movving in, etc. Two hours after arriving to the dorm on Wed, she waved goodbye and said she didn't really need anything more. I moved my flight up and flew back early Fri. Cried the whole way. Missed her terribly. She had "the year of her life." She changed gears, and came home for the rest of HS. She will be more than ready to go again next fall to college. I am already a little sad and anxious thinking about her leaving again...this time for "good." Esp knowing what it is like to have her gone. So I feel your pain. </p>
<p>Thank goodness for computers and cell phones. Hopefully she will enjoy calling to "share." When you need to cry, just cry. OK, maybe wait until she is out of sight. Do let her know you are anxious/sad etc. Do let her know that you couldn't be happier for her, but that its hard on you. Maybe the sympathy will keep her communicating with you more. That is what helped us. Eighteen years seems like a long time, until its time for them to go.</p>
<p>We jsut shipped off three boxes of Ds life to her college, it was weird, she was all giggly and the UPS guy was sweet and very cute, I made her do all the paper work....</p>
<p>SHe is SOOO ready to go, if I could take her tomorrow (we have one more week) I would because she is chomping at the bit</p>
<p>She does however, want to take a dog with her, she will miss them lots, I think it is a way to say she will miss us without getting sad</p>