I've failed in life.. both socially and academically.

Parents Forum
1

Hi. I’m currently a 17 year old senior, and I feel like there’s no future or hope left for me. I don’t think I’m good enough to live out in the real world, and employers aren’t interested in hiring unintelligent people.

I used to live abroad in Indonesia and did really well in my school (it was an IB curriculum school). During freshman year, I made all A’s and even received a scholarship from my school so I didn’t have to pay tuition since it was a private school. I made almost all A’s except two B’s (English & Math) and one C (Physical Education) in my sophomore year. I had mostly A’s and B’s in my junior year (my grades slipped up during this time because I took a lot of difficult HL classes to challenge myself - though no one in my graduating class had straight A’s in their junior year). Despite the bad grades, I was ranked top 10 in my graduating class of 117 people.

Then in the summer of 2014, I moved to Texas. Dealing with the move was already hard enough, but then I had to deal with the fact that they didn’t accept a lot of credits from my previous school and didn’t distinguish between HL and SL classes in IB (which really brought my rank down since in my old school an HL class is weighted more than an SL). I tried to take as many AP classes as I could but the counselor in my new school suggested me to take 3 maximum because she made it seem like it was extremely difficult. I had to re-take certain classes in order to graduate on time, which prevented me from taking the classes I wanted to take (Intro to Engineering, etc.). It was all a difficult move, on top of the fact that I had to apply to American universities now.

I had no idea how applying to universities in America worked and neither did my parents. I asked people around, but nobody was willing to help (even the people here on College Confidential). People made it seem like if I didn’t know how to apply to university, then I must be dumb or incompetent. So I did my best and sent in my applications.

Long story short, I didn’t get accepted to any of the universities I wanted to get in. So now I’m stuck on doing the UT CAP program at UTA. It hurts me because I sacrificed a lot of my social life to study and get to where I am now. I did the best that I could in the situation that I’m in but it’s not good enough. So not only did I sacrifice my social life for nothing (I barely have friends), but I’m graduating high school as a loser - both academically and socially.

Moving to America right before senior year is the biggest mistake of my life. It threw me off track, right when it was extremely crucial. Everything got messed up. They say that America is ‘the land of opportunities’, but moving here only stripped away whatever remaining opportunities I had.

I see no point and future in my life. Everyone I know got accepted to an amazing university. I am ashamed to be myself, and I see no point in continuing life if I’m just going to bring shame on myself.

I know I worked really hard. And the proof is that I have straight A’s in my current school (but that doesn’t matter anymore). I’m at the top of my physics class (my favorite subject), yet the kid who sits next to me and barely manages to turn in his homework/classwork on time is going to UT Austin in 4 months. At first I thought I’d ride out the 9 months in UTA and work hard to transfer into UT Austin. But the longer I thought about it, the more it seems like a mistake. People are going directly to university, but I’m stuck on doing the CAP program at an unknown school in an unknown part of the state.

I wasn’t good enough for A&M and UT Austin. Am I bitter and jealous? Perhaps yes, but I’m mostly disappointed. Disappointed at myself. Disappointed in the world. Disappointed that I didn’t get to where I wanted. People around me are all succeeding and moving forward towards the future, but I’m struggling to even stay afloat.

And I blame myself for that. I can’t see the future ahead me. I can’t face my friends or relatives anymore because they always ask me where I’m going to university and when I tell them the answer, they look at me with pity and dismay.

At first, I was angry but now I’ve accepted that I wasn’t good enough. I’m not good enough. I won’t ever be good enough. I didn’t get into A&M or UT Austin - let alone Ivy League schools. I want to give up on life. I want to give up on school. But the fighter in me won’t let me - so I’m forced to work hard for a lost cause.

Everyday I study an extra 3 hours a day, just so that I can come to class prepared and ahead of everyone else in my class. The sad part is, there’s no use in me doing this. I’m still not good enough for university, and it’s too late to change that. Everyone around me is experiencing senioritis with full force (as I should be) but instead I’m still busting a nut because it’s ingrained into my being that I have to work hard. Yet I keep repeating this pathetic vicious cycle when I should just give up already at this point.

What do I want in life? A fresh start. A university degree. An above minimum-wage corporate job. To move away as far as I can from this country and never look back. I don’t care about making money at this point, all I care about is to be able to have something I can live for. Something to assure me that I’m not just simply a waste of space.

2

Have you thought about taking a gap year? Some time to think about your options, get advice, and prepare for college might be beneficial.

I hope you find a route you’re happy with.

3

A lot of very good students did not get into UT AUstin and because they so want to go there are taking the very route you are. My BIL lives in TX, and many, many of his sons’ peers went that route. He wanted his one son to go that route but he did not want to do so. One of my SIL’s nephews went a year to a satellite branch of Texas A&M to transfer into the main campus the following year. No shame in that program , but a wonderful opportunity to get a shot at going to the flagship.

Many of us have many reasons to complain and look at things like it’s the end of the world. It’s valuable to look for the opportunities that the situation brings. Your state flagship is highly selective. At your age to just have to take an extra year to gain entry to it sounds like a very good deal to me.

4

I don’t know much about Taxes system, but here in California a lot of students who did not get to the schools they wanted go to community college for two years and then transfer to a good universities.

5

If you do well for a year at UTA, my dh’s alma mater, you can transfer to UT and graduate from there. This is not nearly the crisis you are making it out to be.

6

@bodangles‌
Thank you, but a gap year doesn’t seem possible due to my parent’s very strict personal views. I’m also not the type to sit around and do nothing - the main reason why I can’t stand summer break. That’s why I decided to the CAP program because at least I can keep my hands busy for a year and simultaneously work towards my goal while I try to figure out what to do.

But something tells me I’m doing something wrong. I sent in my CAP agreement last week and haven’t heard back from them yet. I feel like I’ve submitted my agreement too late and that the classes that I wanted (and need) to take in order to transfer are probably already full.

7

I don’t think you failed, I think the system let you down a bit. But you can be resilient and recover, and in a few years it will be OK, you will be in the same place that you would have been. It is really tough moving to a new high school for senior year. That’s for anyone, never mind coming from another country’s system. It sounds like your Texas high school didn’t really understand IB and how rigorous it is, and the requirements didn’t match up, so you didn’t get to show your true potential there. It also gave you a patchy and harder to understand transcript for college admissions. It is not a reflection on your worth. If you had been in Texas for all four years, your transcript would have probably gotten you into UT just like your classmates. It just was a rough break. It is also hard to break in socially in senior year most places no matter how much or little you study. People already have their groups by senior year, and have known each other forever. So I would not take any of this as a failure on your part. You just need to go to the CAP program with an open heart and prove that you are UT material, and I think you can do that based on your previous IB success. It will be hard if you are still feeling sad emotionally though, so if you can find someone wise and trusted to talk to about your feelings, that would be very helpful. It would be best to go to CAP feeling strong, ready, and optimistic.

8

It’s not too late: http://bealonghorn.utexas.edu/cap/admission/schools/uta

9

You are 17 years old. It doesn’t mean you have failed if you didn’t get into a school you wanted to attend. Take a deep breath, relax, and find a different school to attend.

10

You are being awfully hard on yourself - you are obviously a motivated and very intelligent person. That kid sitting next to you in class going to UT who is slacking off won’t make it if he keeps it up. You on the other hand, sound quite mature and understand the importance of your education. Yes, that move was hard on you - but that isn’t your fault - it’s just the situation you were dealt and have overcome. Enrioll in your program and if you put the same effort into that program that you are putting into your current studies - you will rock and your hard work will pay off! And you will hopefully have some great transfer options. There is no shame in that route to college. You have so much promise and a lot of amazing things ahead of you - things don’t always happen the way we dream and plan - sometimes you have to take a different path - who knows what exciting opportunities and friends await you on that path! If you continue to feel lost, despair and hopeless - please reach out to a teacher or school counselor and talk it out.

11

Did the system let you down? Yes, probably. But that doesn’t mean you failed in life. You will just get to UT by a more roundabout route. Or you can whine and actually be a failure. Your choice.

12

You haven’t even been here a full year. Your whole family is still getting through the cultural adaptation process. So of course you hate your life! That is perfectly normal for the adaptation stage you are in now!

You need to read “The art of crossing cultures” by Craig Storti. Get it at the library, or through Amazon. Read it. Think about what it says that can apply to your life right now, and a few months down the line. Try Storti’s methodology for dealing with cultural confusions, and see if those techniques work for you.

Most of your friends and relatives haven’t had the same experience as you have of moving here just before your senior year. If any of them have had that experience, and were more successful at getting into X, Y, or Z than you were, then you could engage them in a conversation about what their experience was, and how they approached things because you are considering taking a Gap Year and applying again this fall. For the rest of them, do your best to just smile and nod.

Wishing you all the best.

13

OP, first of all, taking a gap year doesn’t mean you sit on your behind and do nothing. In fact, it can mean working, volunteering, learning new skills, taking up a new sport, anything you can imagine. There are many threads about it on CC.

But the main reason I’m writing is that my cousin was you some years ago. For very different reasons, he did not get into the college of his choice and was not looking to go to the state flagship because it didn’t have his major. He went to the community college and worked his butt off, and was accepted as a transfer to the school he’d wanted in the first place. His time at a CC did not condemn him to a life of failure-he is a private pilot with an excellent income. You can be successful if you really want to. Now go for it.

14

I did read your entire post, and I am afraid you are missing several key components.

  1. You assume that your IB program abroad would have helped you getting in a competitive college in the US. There is zero guarantee of that happening. Applying as an international with the bubble-like IB program as greatest attribute is often disappointing. Drop the KoolAid of what could have been.
  2. Moving to Texas gave you the residency option AND the option to transfer to the highly prized UT. Many are not so lucky when applying from abroad. Your move helped you.
  3. You should open your eyes and mind about Arlington. The instruction in Engineering will dwarf the Intro class you could not get into.
  4. Arlington is a very nice place nestled between Dallas and Fort Worth with temples of baseball and football. It is hardly a descent into a purgatory!
  5. You will have to be plenty active to deserve the transfer. Do not underestimate the competition in STEM.

If you REALLY think through everything, you might see a lot of positives. Misguided expectations will not get you anywhere. Stop whining and lower the hyperboles.

Buy boots and a hat and head for the Stockyards in Fort Worth. Go check the Horned Frogs madness. And above all, embrace the OPPORTUNITY UT was kind enough to give you.

15

Also, there are very successful people in all fields from all sorts of colleges and universities.

Don’t fret! Given your work habits, you will do well.

16

In the US, it is somewhat about the college you graduate from. Since you are clearly intelligent and hardworking, you can do awesomely your first two years and then see if you can transfer to another college if you dont like the one you are in.

17

The OP does NOT have to apply to transfer!

Here are some basic facts about CAP:

A student cannot apply to CAP. The only way to participate in CAP is to apply for freshman admission to UT Austin for the summer or fall semester.
CAP is offered only to Texas residents.
Students who successfully complete the CAP requirements are able to transfer to UT Austin without having to apply for transfer admission.
CAP students enroll in UT System universities during their freshman year.
Each participating UT System university sets its own admission standards and may establish additional requirements for enrolling. As a result, some CAP students may not be offered admission to all participating universities.
The courses that students take during their CAP year are from approved course lists that include only courses that will transfer back to UT Austin.
CAP students returning to UT Austin are not guaranteed admission to all undergraduate majors.

It is a coordinated program
http://www.utexas.edu/student/admissions/cap/2015-2016/uta.pdf

Do well and you are in!

Everything considered, this might be a blessing for the OP.

18

^I don’t understand the problem. Sounds like a great opportunity. Lucky you are in Texas where there are good schools.

19

Exactly! He can graduate with a UT degree, which was the original goal.

20

OP is a girl in STEM with a 1410 CR+M. That’s got to be a full scholarship somewhere. Maybe a gap year would be best. A working gap year. AmeriCorps or CitiYear.