<p>Know any good ones? Please share, even the corny ones!</p>
<p>Three economists and three mathematicians were going for a trip by train. Before the journey, the mathematicians bought 3 tickets but economists only bought one. The mathematicians were glad their stupid colleagues were going to pay a fine. However, when the conductor was approaching their compartment, all three economists went to the nearest toilet. The conductor, noticing that somebody was in the toilet, knocked on the door. In reply he saw a hand with one ticket. He checked it and the economists saved 2/3 of the ticket price.
The next day, the mathematicians decided to use the same strategy- they bought only one ticket, but economists did not buy tickets at all! When the mathematicians saw the conductor, they hid in the toilet, and when they heard knocking they handed in the ticket. They did not get it back.
Why? The economists took it and went to the other toilet.</p>
<p>And HonorsCentaur might appreciate this one...
Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.</p>
<p>The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The engineer sees the glass as twice as big as it needs to be.</p>
<p>I’m not a music major, but there’s this one:</p>
<p>Three men are waiting at the gates of heaven. To the first man, St. Peter asks, “how much was your yearly income in life?”. The man says, “$100,000”. St. Peter asks him what his career was, to which the man replies lawyer, and he’s allowed in.</p>
<p>To the second man, St. Peter asks, “how much was your yearly income in life?”. The man replies, “$60,000”. St. Peter asks him what his career was, to which he answers “teacher”, and he’s allowed in.</p>
<p>To the third man, St. Peter asks, “how much was your yearly income in life?”. The man replies “$11,000”. St. Peter replies, “oh! What instrument did you play?”.</p>
<p>It is common knowledge that irradiated cats have 18 half-lives. ;)</p>
<p>I also know a bunch of pickup lines related to my field of study:</p>
<p>If I were an enzyme I’d be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes.</p>
<p>Baby, I know my chemistry, and you’ve got one significant figure.</p>
<p>Hey baby, will a little more alcohol catalyze this reaction?</p>
<p>There are only 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don’t…
CS</p>
<p>LMAO, I love your jokes Mr. Bojangles!</p>
<p><— Bio/premed major.</p>
<p>Ahaha, nice one OP! I might actually use that one day. :P</p>
<p>I alternate between identifying myself as a math and cs major, but I like this math joke. It’s like clever.</p>
<p>Q: You’re in a room, with just a table, a kettle on the table filled with water, and a stove that is turned on. How do you boil the water in the kettle?
A: Put the kettle on the stove.</p>
<p>Q: Now, you’re in the same situation, but the kettle is on the floor now. How do you boil the water in the kettle?
A: Put the kettle on the table.</p>
<p>Google image search “English major all the jobs”.
Very funny comic strip. (it’s the second one)</p>
<p>Hey, wanna hear a joke about potassium?
K.</p>
<p>Alright. Know any good jokes about sodium?
Na.</p>
<p>Only tangentially related, and a little sick, but here’s some abnormal psych for you…</p>
<p>What does Jeffrey Dahmer keep in his shower?</p>
<p>Head and shoulders.</p>
<p>What do you get when you combine 1 mol of barium with 2 mols of sodium?</p>
<p>answer: BaNaNa</p>
<hr>
<p>so a chemistry major and a chemical engineer are in a hot air balloon together, and they’re totally lost. After drifting in the middle of nowhere for a few hours, they see some people on the ground. So they descended near the crowd to ask where they are. One of the people yelled: “YOU ARE IN A HOT AIR BALLOON”
chemical engineer: “This guy must be a mathematician”
chemistry major: “how do you know that?”
chemical engineer: “Because what he said is completely true, but is utterly useless.”
(was a lot funnier when my professor said it)</p>
<p>A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist that she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist says, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”</p>
<p>The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said “Lord have mercy, I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I will lose my license, they’ll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!”</p>
<p>Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, you didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”</p>
<p>What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit?</p>
<p>Ba-na-na-naaaaas</p>
<p>I’ve got a joke.</p>
<p>Women’s Studies… lol get it?</p>
<p>What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey?
— Chicken Turkey Sine Theta</p>
<p>What do you get when you cross a chicken and a mountain climber?
— You can’t. The mountain climber is a scalar</p>