Judge my Common App Idea

College Essays
1

Heres my idea for my common app essay. Ill just give a bunch of bullet points to give you the structure for how it will go kind of:

  • I head to an FBLA conference (business related competition) with the sole purpose of winning. Kids from all over the country are there to compete.
  • Upon entrance, i get a bag of pins so that i can trade them with other kids and socialize. However, I scoff at that idea since all i wanna do is practice and win
  • then i meet an interesting character who isnt even there to compete, which is eye opening to me. We trade pins.
  • I feel the urge to continue trading and then i find myself socializing with everybody (each interaction is followed by a trading of pins)
  • at the end, I realize that I didnt place in my event. I want to feel like a failure, but then I look down at my jacket and realize i didnt need a trophy after all, i had 50 pinned to my jacket.

the last sentence of my essay will be similar to the last bullet of this sequence. I wanted the trading of pins to symbolize my growth in character. And the ending is to show how these pins were the trophies that really mattered.

Tell me what you think about it. Any concerns? thanks.

2

oh also, is this kind of story too cliche??

3

I think it’s certainly worth the trouble of a rough draft.

Don’t sweat the cliche thing. You’re a 17 year old kid, just like every other kid applying. Most of your life experiences at this point are pretty similar.

Just write an essay that shows us who YOU are, and don’t sweat what others are writing.

4

I like it. Honestly, I read two essays someone had linked to their post yesterday (rather, I tried to read two essays), but they seemed so forced I couldn’t believe they were successful. Your writing- just from this post- seems pretty authentic. I think you should go for it.

5

I don’t think you can develop this fully with only 650 words. Honestly I find it rather juvenile. It reminds me more of an upper elementary school essay topic. JMHO but I’d move on to another topic.

6

It sounds similar to the ‘big game’ essay where the athlete learns so much from the agony of defeat. Admissions counselors always say don’t write about that story as it is over done. Still, I think you have an idea there as the pin thing can give it an interesting spin. Just make sure you show some growth, learned something worthwhile, vs just meeting some interesting people.