JUDGE MY SAT ESSAY INTRO 2.5 lines only

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

Do people need to compare themselves with others in order to appreciate what they have?

Realizing that people do not need to compare themselves with others to appreciate what they have is a crucial ingredient for both self appreciation and self actualization. A plethora of mediums repeatedly convey this with the worlds of literature, history and science doing so most eloquently.

2

IMHO, the 2nd sentence is a little awkward and is trying to hard to use “SAT” words

3

Thanks! How could I improve it?

4

“Realizing that people do not need to compare themselves with others to appreciate what they have is a crucial ingredient for both self appreciation and self actualization. Examples from literature, history and science clearly demonstrate that it is not necessary for people to compare themselves to others.”

My example may be repetitive, although less so if you insert another sentence in the middle of the two above. I could see an argument for eliminating appx. the last 10 words. Try to be direct and present a thoughtful argument. Don’t use words like plethora, convey and eloquent - or any others - unless they fit in perfectly and don’t affect the flow. A few bigger words on 2 pages will demonstrate your vocabulary; i think you’ll do much better without that focus.

5

Thanks! You see the issue as you said yourself is that I feel that your first line and second line are duplicates. Do you know of any other better ways to solve this issue?

thanks again

6

There are as many different approaches to this as there are writers. Just focus less on vocabulary and more on developing a strong argument. The college board has many examples of good essays on its website.