I made a list of schools I researched for ds (a junior), along with costs, automatic merit he qualifies for, etc. We also discussed our budget and expectations of him. I had a bunch if stuff typed up. It went well!
I thought it was funny that he looked at the 3 reaches on the list and said, “Cross those off! Too expensive!!!”
Dd (8th grade) sat in on the talk and looked at a slightly longer list that included privates and publics that require higher stats for merit money. So now she knows what she needs to do in high school to meet her goals.
They both lobbied dh for a new car if they pull a full ride somewhere. We have 7 kids so he didn’t make any promises. I thought it was funny, though!
All in all, the kids seemed agreeable to everything.
Have you all had “the talk” with your kids? Any surprises or funny stories? How did it go?
Glad you had the talk. I’ve seen too many stories on CC where people haven’t until after the fact that leads to disappointment, anger, and frustration. Kids need to know the financial ground rules for their family’s situation going into the process of making a list and applying if not well before.
We offered our kid a car…and a condo…if she accepted the very very generous offer she got from her number two college.
She chose the number one college.
Our money talk was a little different. We were able to pay the cost for our kids to attend private colleges. BUT we made it very clear in our money talk that we expected them to maintain a 3.0 GPA and if they got any grades lower than C, they would be withdrawing from the private college…and coming home to an instate public at a fraction of the cost.
I think any criteria for college funding needs to be clear…up front.
It’s hard for me to believe how many parents won’t be honest with their kids (due to pride, ignorance, shame… whatever) And inevitably the kids get hurt & their college search becomes a disappointment.
You just gave your kids a lesson in adulthood… and they will enter the college prep season informed & rational. Good for all of you!
“We offered our kid a car…and a condo…if she accepted the very very generous offer she got from her number two college.
She chose the number one college.”
Interesting! So what happened, thumper? What does your daughter – and what do you – think now of her choice?
I think sometimes it’s because the parents just have NO idea how much it costs, or how FA works, or what the family could qualify for in FA, not because they aren’t being honest.
@gearmom I believe it is $30 or 40K. It is higher than the cost of our in state publics.
We talked about in state vs OOS publics, private colleges, how colleges are ranked and why they give scholarship money for stats, etc. They were very open to learning, and when we reached the point of discussing our budget/expectations they seemed to really grasp that as much as we want to help them, we have to keep it within reason, and they have to do their part.
We told our daughter she had $x for college. She wants to go to grad school for a career with low pay and either loans or cash to fund grad school. Whatever wasn’t spent in undergrad would be hers for grad school. She took a free ride for undergrad with everything going towards grad school. If all goes as planned with her admissions, she will graduate from grad school with no debt.
I know people who have offered the cash difference to their kids. Most have taken it. Some have not. Though in at least a couple of those instances I am pretty sure the kid is confident mom and dad will help with grad school or a downpayment on a house anyways. One close friend even indicated as much (and admitted he would).
That is awesome that she’s getting through grad school with no debt. That’s why dh told the kids he wouldn’t commit to a car if they got a free ride. They might want help with study abroad or grad school or something else.
We had the “state flagship” talk—we could afford the state flagship–if they could, through merit, attend a private school for the same or less money, then go for it!! Otherwise, state flagship.
First 2 were able to attend private colleges due to excellent merit. Third attended state flagship, but since he wanted engineering, that was the best fit for him, to be honest, and he was very, very happy there.
Good for you! I am glad we had the money talk very early. Our state is incredibly underfunded and even with fairly aggressive saving, our state flagship is going to be a reach because costs are increasing faster than we can save. Our twins (also juniors) are not high stats kids and don’t want to leave the region, so we’ve had a lot of conversations about what is realistic to expect from their application process. I feel fortunate that neither of them got attached to the idea of expensive private colleges or OOS publics, and I think it’s because we kept things realistic from the start. DH and I are hoping this will influence our younger kids too.
While on the subject you really should have them understand that a full ride just about anywhere desirable is like the chupacabra, because kids really do hear that these are a real thing. Define what scholarships really look like, understand that desirable schools that offer big scholarships often have huge COAs. Understand that scholarships can be lost (our kids will likely get a half tuition scholarship locally and will likely lose it with the 3.6 uni GPA req and engineering in the mix. really, it is no better than bait and switch but instate tuition is less than 10K), What I see around me is incredibly high stats kids who stay in state is the absolute norm. The first round kid really taught us a whole lot.
We ran the numbers and then told Happykid that it would have to be the local CC or a place where she could get the cost down to that. She looked at what our CC had to offer for her major, and didn’t bother to apply anywhere else. At transfer time, our baseline was the in-state public U she liked best. She looked at two privates and applied to one of them in additon to the state U. When she was accepted at the private without much aid, she headed off to the in-state public without any regrets. She is fiercely loyal to both her CC and her U, and is helping to raise up the students who followed her in her major as they head into their profession.
Our talk was short - we need to keep COA the same as our in-state public schools. We visit schools and D has heart set on 20% higher out of state option. But she won’t select it because she knows it’s outside our budget. However Grandparents tell her they will cover the difference so she makes her decision. Then Grandparents reconsider their offer and we parents are now paying the higher amount. So that was unexpected.
@Sybylla Good point! I made sure to show ds specific merit numbers he is eligible for based on his stats, and how to apply those to total COA. If he can get his SAT score up a bit before applying, he can compete for 1 full tuition scholarship and 1 scholarship that’s pretty close to a full ride. But I made sure he understood he has to compete for those.
We did discuss graduating in 8 semesters and maintaining GPA. Most of the schools require 3.0 or 3.25. 3.6 is really high!
There are a few good in state private schools dd is interested in that offer competitive full tuition or full ride scholarships, and there are a couple of good in state publics that offer competitive full rides. Now dd has an idea of how high her stats need to be to compete for those.
@Banker1 In the future, I hope the grandparents will be more careful about offering funds. My dad offered to buy oldest a car when he gets his license. Grandpa has a history of making promises he can’t keep so I won’t even mention it to ds until the car is sitting in our driveway, lol!
