<p>On the flip side, I asked a senior on my sports team where she was going to college. Her response was “Northeastern, not Northwestern”- she had clearly gotten some stupid comments.</p>
<p>So I was the nice CCer and went “Oh yeah, in Boston, right? With the insane business program?”</p>
<p>LOVED the look of relief on her face- “Yeah! That’s the one!”</p>
<p>^ aww! How sweet!</p>
<p>It’s always a plus just to comment on something positive that you do know about the school. Something honestly positive- like the beautiful campus, the programs, etc.</p>
<p>Or just sticking with “So what are you going to be studying?” never hurts either :)</p>
<p>Well, considering I’m Persian and live in Southern California, my parents and I get this all the time:</p>
<p>Persian Person: “Where are you (is your daughter) going to school next year?” (in Farsi)
Me/Parent: “UC Berkeley.”
PP: “Oh. Did you (she) not get into UCLA?”
M/P: “No, I did (she did).”
PP: “Then why aren’t you (isn’t she) going there?”
M/P: “Because I like (she likes) Cal better.”
PP: “But UCLA is a better school, and it’s close to home.”
M/P: “It’s actually not a better school, especially for my (her) major.”
PP: " Ohhh, what’s your (her) major? And why don’t you (doesn’t she) want to stay home? That’s not right for an Iranian girl."
M/P: “History and Media Studies. And I think I (she) will be fine (she is a good kid).”
PP: “Anyone can get into Berkeley for those majors.”
M/P: “Berkeley doesn’t chose you based on majors.”
PP: “Oh. Well either way, I would never let my daughter move that far when she could go to UCLA.”</p>
<p>They basically try to make you feel bad because it is a competition for them…sucks! And the only schools they know are UCLA and Harvard.</p>
<p>Originally posted by me:
" “GON-ZAAAH-LEZ got into Stanford. Get it? Gonzalez?”
Hard to smile and nod at that one"</p>
<p>My point was that some comments are so obnoxious that you cannot just stand by and smile and nod. Trust me, I didn’t. </p>
<p>I probably should have explained the context better. I knew that what she was trying to imply was that her son and his best friend-- from the same affluent community and high-achieving school-- had very similar stats, and the only reason the friend got into Stanford and her son didn’t was that the friend had a Latin name. I knew that the friend had some pretty stellar achievements, and I asked if she thought those facts had anything to do with his acceptance. Her bumbling , “Yes, but still, I mean c’mon, you know there are quotas” reply exposed her ignorance to anyone who was listening. Since D had researched the school that her son was attending, I knew the demographics. I suggested that she must be so relieved that U of ____ was only about 2% Hispanic, so she wouldn’t have to worry about THAT “problem” any more.</p>
<p>She’s bitter, and I’m sure nothing I could say would change her mind, but sometimes smiling and nodding (or biting your tongue until it bleeds) just doesn’t do the trick.</p>
<p>GC : Has D decided yet?
Me : no, but at least she’s narrowed it down
GC : what schools is she thinking of?
Me (not wanting to answer): er, Kenyon, Columbia, WUSTL, MICA, Pratt, Alfred
GC: Oh. I would HATE it if she went to an art school.</p>
<p>Me (unspoken): what business is it of yours???</p>
<p>Well, D is going to an art school and I’m happy to say that no one in our family has any problem with that. My Dad, the “enginerd” who is always so practical, advised me to make sure that her choice gave her a good enough arts education if that was what she wanted, because that was the most important thing. Good old Grandpa!</p>
<p>Maybe some people take small talk too literally.</p>
<p>For the friends of ours where dad is a Penn alum and son got into Penn off the waitlist sometime over the summer, I saw them periodically at various school events during the son’s freshman year and asked how he was liking Penn. (=small talk) I know the family quite well, as their D and my D were best friends. The parents replied that he wasn’t liking it very much, missed his girlfriend, missed this and that and the other thing and was thinking of transferring to U Illinois but they (meaning parents) were telling him he needed to stick it out longer. And so I said in a joking manner, “Well, you know he HAS to stay! Tell him Mrs. X [me] simply won’t hear of him giving up a spot at Penn!” I know and they know that we were all just joking (obviously my opinion has nothing to do with anything in terms of how what their kid should or shouldn’t do) but maybe some people who aren’t as attuned to it might have thought that I was seriously suggesting that the kid <em>had</em> to stay at Penn or that I was putting real pressure on him.</p>
<p>A. Where is your eldest son going?
“Duke.”
You are going to pay out of state rates in tuition? Why?<br>
“Duke is not a North Carolina public college.”<br>
Oh, well I have heard of it…is it near NC State? </p>
<p>B. Where is your son going?
“Duke.”<br>
Well I hope you like New Jersey! we wish those Yankees would go back where they came from!
“Thanks. Did you remember that my husband (standing here) was born and raised in New Jersey?”
eerrrrr…well that’s terrible, but at least he got out of there. </p>
<p>C. Where is your son going?
“Duke.”
I HATE Duke.<br>
“<em>@</em>” (speechless)</p>
<p>D. Where is your son going?
“Duke”
It is foolish to pay for Duke. Didn’t your son get into UVA? When you can have UVA for state prices…why go anywhere else?<br>
“<em>^</em>”<br>
(since then said friend put two kids in Ivies, and I just smile and nod)</p>
<p>E. Where is your youngest son going ?</p>
<p>“Vanderbilt”</p>
<p>Didn’t he get into UVA? UVA is a much more important college! And you will pay out of state tuition rates to Tennessee? </p>
<p>“I wish.”</p>
<p>I will be attending UVA, which is the dream school for most people in my area (NOVA), but for a while I thought that I would be attending University of Michigan. Most people responded with “I’ve never even heard of that college” or “Why in the world would you go there when you can go to UVA/W&M?” or the lovely “You know its SNOWS up there?”</p>
<p>…Well considering that we received 36 inches of snow this year at one point, I think I can survive. I absolutely love UVA and all, but people around here act as if it’s the ONLY acceptable school other than the Ivies. Every other school mentioned is met with a blank stare.</p>
<p>“I wish”</p>
<p>Great comeback if you really said it.</p>
<p>Grandma: So, did imbri decide yet?
Dad: Yes, she’s going to Carleton.
Grandma: A LIBERAL ARTS SCHOOL?? That’s not very practical. She won’t be able to get a job!
Dad: Didn’t you go to Smith, Mom?</p>
<p>I got an email the next day from my grandmother congratulating me on my college choice :P</p>
<p>“Where are you going next year?”
“Tufts University.”
“Where is that?”
“It’s in Boston…a few miles from Harvard Square.”
“Oh, it’s close to Harvard? Great choice, you can meet all the smart people at THAT school.”
“…”</p>
<p>Regarding UCLA</p>
<p>Other person - “Congratulations! Great school, awful location.”
Me - “Thankyou, but you’re thinking of USC.”</p>
<p>This has happened like 4 times!</p>
<p>My mother was terribly disappointed that my daughter chose Tufts. She had no idea and had never heard of it. “Why doesn’t she go to Harvard?”…ummm, because she didn’t apply there?</p>
<p>When my 90 y/o grandmother (who, to be fair, is unfortunately not as sharp as she used to be) asks me where I’m going to college, the conversation goes like this:</p>
<p>GM: so where are you going to college?
me: I’m going to Brown
GM: Huh? Where’s that school? I’ve never heard of it.
me: It’s in Rhode Island-
GM: Why would you want to go all the way there? You know, there are a lot of good schools here in New York, like have you heard of Fordham University? That’s a really good school!</p>
<p>and then my dad who likes to playfully tease me about choosing Brown over Columbia (where he went) will chime in</p>
<p>Dad: and what do you think of Columbia University?
GM: WOW! now that’s a school! You’d be set if you went there!
Dad: if you had to choose which was better, Columbia or Brown, which would it be?
GM: well, I’m sure Brown is ok, but Columbia has that name! Ivy League!
Me: Grandma, Brown IS in the Ivy League?
GM: what? No it isn’t!</p>
<p>my cousin who’s living in Australia got into MIT…she told me that the folks who lives there always says the same thing: “you didn’t get into Harvard or Yale? well don’t worry, i bet you’ll do fine…even in a 2nd tier school” <----- are Australians crazy???</p>
<p>Okay, just randomly scrolling through pages… seriously, no one’s mentioned Penn yet? Seriously?</p>
<p>My HS teacher who wrote my recommendation congratulated me on getting into Penn State when I told her of my decision. Thank God AdCom must have missed her letter.</p>
<p>Momof3sons - That is so funny, especially since I have one son at Swarthmore and another son at Skidmore. Try having that conversation with people. Ugh! When I told someone that my son was going to Swarthmore, they responded, “I thought he was a really good student.” I didn’t know what to say.</p>
<p>Here’s a bunch I’ve heard:</p>
<p>Me: I’m going to Yale.
Person: Oh wow! <em>Insert generic congratulatory statement</em> Are you going to study law there?
Me: No, that’s a graduate school.</p>
<p>Me: I’m going to Yale.
Person: <em>Insert story about some person they know who goes to an Ivy League school</em> <em>Follow up with remark on SAT score</em>
or
Person: Wow! You must be so proud! I bet you have a really high SAT score!</p>
<p>Me: I’m going to a university in Connecticut.
Person: Wow, UConn has a great basketball team!
Me: It sure does :)</p>
<p>Nowadays I just say I’m going to New Haven for school to avoid the long conversations about my life story with people I don’t know at all. There are definitely some meaningful conversations with younger students who want to aim for the top and ask for advice, but a lot of the rest is just idle chatter.</p>
<p>casual acquaintance: So where did you S end up deciding to go (knew most schools applied to)?
Me: [semi-local tier 4 state school]
CA: Why? He applied to a lot of much better schools.
Me: He changed major from [hard science] to [social science] and none of the other schools he was accepted to offered that degree. Plus [school] actually has everything he is looking for and has a really good [social sci] program - even research opportunities that [state flagship] doesn’t offer, so it has really turned out for the best.
CA: Is he planning to teach?
Me: no
CA: Well then what is he going to do with a [social science] degree, he should transfer to [state flagship] and major in business.
Me: We have really encouraged both our kids to follow their passions. No reason to hate going to class everyday because you aren’t majoring in something you are passionate about and especially when you end up going to a job you hate everyday after that.
CA: Yeah, I guess. I don’t like my job - but at least with a business degree you can always make money and find a job. He really should consider changing schools and majors.
Me: (smile and nod…smile and nod) Well, who knows he may change his major 5 times before graduating. (although I know he won’t - LOVES his major/department/advisor/etc).</p>
<p>**of course this has taught me a lesson with D. Don’t visit/apply to schools based on one major. We are trying to find schools with at least 2 of the 4 my D is interested in and has all her other criteria (tall order!!)</p>
<p>"my cousin who’s living in Australia got into MIT…she told me that the folks who lives there always says the same thing: “you didn’t get into Harvard or Yale? well don’t worry, i bet you’ll do fine…even in a 2nd tier school” <----- are Australians crazy??? "</p>
<p>Haha she’s lucky they even know Yale. Most people here know Harvard but not Yale, let alone MIT.</p>