Just want to study - don't want to work the farm. Is this bad?

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hello everyone, </p>

<p>It's me again: the farmer wanting to split away from the roots of the farm to do other, different things. I've been doing pretty well these past couple months (somehow got all 4.0s this past semester while working as much as possible), but unfortunately, I'm falling back into a bit of a relapse, and I'm turning back to CC. You've all been so kind and helpful, and I truly appreciate it. </p>

<p>I'm taking my summer literature class right now, and I LOVE IT!! My professor is funny and interesting and the books we're reading are fantastic; I'm keeping my brain in the swing of things and feeling sharper than ever. I truly do love school (always have since I was a kid), and now I'm finding myself growing somewhat depressed that I have to return to the farm for the week. (I spend Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays concentrating on my class and on other academic interests and the rest of the days working). </p>

<p>To be blunt, I really don't like it at the farm anymore. Things have been rocky since I've started college and "left" the family business, and I can't help but feel like a fish out of water. It's almost like I'm an outsider looking in. I find myself thinking "I can do so much more than this" and then getting frustrated when I have to do the grunt work because I'm only there for 4 days out of the week. I count down the days until class because I'm honestly excited to learn and be around people that actually care about what I have to say. (Again, these days, I feel out of touch with my family. Excluding my dad, of course) I'd love to take another class during the second summer session, but I have responsibilities during vegetable season, and I just feel so trapped. </p>

<p>I haven't told my parents yet, but I'm seriously thinking that I need to take a break from the farm for a while. I think I've burnt out between finishing last semester and starting this semester while still juggling the farm, and I don't know what to do. We've already worked out schedules for May, so I know that I can't be so rude that I mess everything up. A good part of me wants to take June and July off to collect my thoughts and myself, but I know that I need money and that the farm could always use my help. </p>

<p>In addition to this, I recently got a job at my university's writing center. I'm starting there in the fall, and they offer work during the summer as well. I feel that this could be my opportunity to get immersed in something other than the farm but that I'll still be trapped and not able to work summers there or do anything more with it. I could use this job to make up for lost wages, but it wouldn't be the same, and I don't know if my family would understand. </p>

<p>Basically, I just want to take summer courses and not have this dread of having to trudge back to the farm. I recognize my need to get off my butt to work and make money, though, and I have another job lined up to serve this purpose and a greater academic one. </p>

<p>Any thoughts on this? Should I take a break now before I burn out even more, stick it out through May, stick it out till September? Should I take another class next session if I really want to? Should I be letting my work interfere with my happiness, goals and studies? </p>

<p>Thanks so much. I feel like I've been bottling this up for a long while now.</p>

2

<p>I feel like you should try to talk to your parents about this. Tell them that you’re thinking about some different possibilities for your future.</p>

3

<p>How much are you financially dependent on money from the farm. Are they paying your tuition? room and board?</p>

4

<p>I’m paying for everything on my own. I have a generous amount of merit scholarships, and I can cover the remaining costs of room and board from my own savings. (which is earned through working the farm, of course) </p>

<p>Everything’s basically covered and I’m really just saving up money right now. The writing center job will add to this, of course, but they can’t offer me the amount of hours and flexibility that the farm can. </p>

<p>Yet I don’t want to just work the farm for money and profit… That would be wrong since it’s my family’s pride and passion. If I’m to work there, shouldn’t it be for the honor of it? I feel so selfish for basing this off of money…</p>

5

<p>I understand that farming is a “lifestyle” and so there is this word honor you are using, but at this point, to you, it is just a job. If the job pays better than other jobs and if you need the money to finish college, then you keep the job. </p>

<p>You’d be better off thinking about it that way, anyway. Since this emotional thing you have going on about it isn’t “helping” you.</p>

<p>You are obviously not a farmer at this point in your life, but you are making good money as a farm hand. Nothing wrong with that.</p>

<p>If you can figure out a way to do it financially without working on the farm, then do so. If not, you need to keep up the hard work.</p>

<p>Glad you did so well this year. You should feel good about those grades.</p>

<p>Good luck to you.</p>

6

<p>I have a sneaking suspicion that your Dad wants you to have horizons beyond the farm. You need to talk to your Dad…heart to heart.</p>

7

<p>What I don’t want you to do is succumb to the idea that since you have some college behind your belt, you’re too good or too smart to work to help out with the farm and stoop to manual labor. I’m not saying this is the case with you, but I’ve seen it with other college students. Sometimes, they start to believe that they’re better than non-college educated people. </p>

<p>The farm supports your family. You are part of the family. You’ll make more money during the summer working at the farm. Why not help out your family and suck it up for two months during the summer? Were you awarded any scholarships/money based on the fact that you and your family run a farm?</p>

<p>In your case, working at the college writing center is not going to give you any sort of substantial leg up on future hiring. In other words, the benefit you can bring to the farm surpasses the benefit working at the college writing center may bring to your future.</p>

<p>Discuss you concerns with your father. I’m sure he doesn’t expect you to take over the farm unless it’s something you’re interested in doing. Think about it—Why would he support you going to college if all he wanted and expected from you was to spend your future working at the farm?</p>

8

<p>Something for you to maybe think about…what would it cost your family to replace you on the farm?</p>

<p>Is your contribution of labor counted on to make the farm profitable?</p>

9

<p>OP, you made a point that if you’re working on the farm you should be intrinsically motivated to do so rather than in the interest of profit. </p>

<p>You, out of anybody in your family,
should understand any of the resentment or abandoning you may feel working half student/ half farmer. </p>

<p>I second two of the above posters; how much of the financial contribution is your labor on the farm? And I agree that your father understands how your education will open doors never available for him. </p>

<p>Regardless though, I would personally pursue the option which furthers my education the greatest. It seems the option with the least regret.</p>

10

<p>Practice saying this:</p>

<p>“I have accepted a position on campus which will require me to work during the week. With the coursework that I am taking, and the new job commitment, I cannot come home more often than once each month, and then only for the weekend. I am very excited about my new job, and hope that you will be too.”</p>

<p>If anyone comments about how your absence might affect the work at the farm, suggest that they hire fill-in-name-here-of-reasonably-competent-person-who-needs-work to pick up the grunt work that you will no longer be available for.</p>

<p>Yes. It really is OK to do this. If your labor would be cheaper than someone else’s, and the only way your multiple family members can keep the operation afloat is by underpaying you, then their business will collapse the minute you leave (and you will leave sooner or later). Do them the favor of letting it collapse sooner so everyone can get on with the next stage of their lives. </p>

<p>Frankly, I don’t believe that they absolutely need your labor. I think they are just being whiners. Take the job on campus. Focus on yourself, and your parents, and let the rest of them go.</p>

11

<p>If you don’t need the income you’re earning on the farm, this:

</p>

<p>Farming is a lifestyle and not everyone is cut out for it. A coworker of mine is a former dairy farmer. She misses aspects of it, but not the 24/7 commitment of caring for livestock. If you are not cut out for farming, the point of college is open doors so that you can be as successful at another endeavor as the rest of the family is at farming.</p>

<p>That being said, ask most people about summer jobs. You’ll find some doozies. My husband’s boss spent a summer removing material from crawl spaces, wearing a hazmat suit, in temps upwards of 90 degrees. Ew. I spent a lot of time in the beanfields as a kid. We still have plenty of kids earning summer money on detasseling crews. My own kids HATE working with other people’s perfect and exceptionally gifted children at a summer fitness program. </p>

<p>You see, we do what we have to in order to pay the bills. Summer work is hard to find. You take what you get, even if the job is unpleasant. I know, lots of the discussion here on cc for our kids is about summer experiences (internships, volunteer opportunities, summer school). But in most of the real world, kids work, and often year round. If you need the cash, consider the farm for the months of June and July your hazmat suit job. Just suck it up and do it. College is the track to getting out of farming, and you will be there soon enough.</p>

12

<p>"Something for you to maybe think about…what would it cost your family to replace you on the farm?</p>

<p>Is your contribution of labor counted on to make the farm profitable?"</p>

<p>I think it’s beyond unfair to hold OP responsible for that. Whoever owns the farm should not count on forcing someone that is related to them to give up their dreams just to keep theirs going. There is no excuse for a parent or a relative to make such serious life choices like a job/career for their child/relative. The OP is already supporting himself, so it’s not like he is a drain on anyone. Also, working in a family business of any kind can be difficult for a number of reasons.</p>

<p>OP, I say talk to your dad, since he seems to understand, and start your new life! Good luck!</p>

13

<p>I can’t imagine that they haven’t noticed that your wings are getting ready to fly. It is hard for any parent to let their kid leave the nest, and of course they are resistant. When you are truly ready you will make it happen, and it will probably be hard for them, but I don’t think they will be surprised.
It would probably help if you can respect what they do as important work and not just “grunt work”.</p>

14

<p>I grew up on a farm and worked every weekend, afternoons after school and all summer. Summer vacations were unheard of. The difference is that since it was a family farm, I was never paid. It was just expected that everyone chipped in. I hated every minute of it at the time and rolled around in a good amount of self pity. If you can figure out a balance, don’t give up the farm work. It won’t make sense now, but years from now, you will understand how enriching the experience is.</p>

15

<p>I don’t think this is just a “farm” thing. I think OPs dilemma happens whenever there is a family business that everybody is supposed to buy into for the good of the business. If you aren’t interested in the business it becomes really hard to extricate yourself with family loyalty issues to deal with. There’s a lot of pride in a family business and turning your back on it is like turning your back on your family. Lots of emotions involved.
My dad has a business which he wants to turn over to us siblings–and it’s tough because although we know it’s a thriving business and should keep it going, it just does not interest us. It’s his love, not ours. Guess that’s a tribute to him–we have our own interests that we love and he taught us to go after them.</p>

16

<p>My family operated an orchard, and I am most definitely not a farmer. </p>

<p>I really struggled trying to balance working on the orchard with college for a year, and didn’t do well. Part was the expectation that I could work a part-time job on campus, work full time at the orchard – and very long days at that – each weekend, and still do okay at tough science/math classes taking a full load after going to a high school that didn’t provide me with stellar preparation even though I was a very good student. Perhaps a better student could have done it, or one who was more interested in farming, but neither description fit me.</p>

<p>And the money associated with working on your family’s farm or small business rarely gets distributed based on any concept of a wage. My parents would have been astounded at the thought of paying “kids” wages as such, and I’d never have thought of asking. They helped with some school costs, but weren’t able to do a lot. </p>

<p>I would try very hard not to leave your family in the lurch this summer, but instead taking the time to have a conversation first with your dad, and then with your mom. </p>

<p>You’re either called to farm, or your not. I see it as similar to a religious vocation. You don’t seem to be called, and a different life path beckons. </p>

<p>Best of luck.</p>

17

<p>Hello everyone, </p>

<p>I just wanted to give an update. I just finished with my summer class, (I think I did well on the final, so I’m expecting a good grade in the course) and throughout this whole ordeal, I think I’ve truly realized where my heart lies: it’s with learning and bettering my own interests and horizons, not the farm.</p>

<p>I’m back to full-time farming now, and I honestly appreciate school so much more now because it was simply awful and demanding to work 50 hours at the farm while also studying for class. This class really helped me put things into perspective: when I was at the farm, I felt guilty to not be studying or at school; when I was at school, I was relieved to not be at the farm. I think that pretty much tells me what my main priority and mission was. </p>

<p>I’m still debating on taking another class for the second half of summer because it was honestly very stressful doing both the farm and school so intensively, but I know that my heart would gladly do it and that it’s just for me. </p>

<p>From all this, I’m looking into maybe going into academia. I love school now, so why leave? Why not help other people like me? Just a thought. </p>

<p>Anyway, thanks for your support over my past few posts on this topic. I appreciate it and I hope that my family will start understanding more now that I’ve told them how much school means to me.</p>