Keeping Fafsa data private from your kid

Parents Forum
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<p>Achat, I agree with berurah on this matter about how your kid deals with money. While upbringing and teaching your kid plays a part, each kid is so different. You have just the one child, but I can tell you that even if two kids (or in B's case, six kids) grow up in the same house, they don't all deal with money in the same way. Like her kids, mine really do deal with their own money differently. My older one is more of a saver and is more cautious or responsible when it comes to her own money matters. The other one is more of a spender. I have had to talk to her a little more about how to manage to keep to within a certain amount of money each month at college or risk being short later in the year. Both of my kids have a substantial amount of money they have saved up from working and they use this for extra spending money on top of their allowance. For my younger D, to HELP her, I only let her take 1/4 of her earnings in which she has enough to last four years of college, to school with her to set up an account for this year and to not even bring the rest. I just felt that it would help her keep to this finite amount and not just use what was there because she needs it for other years. She knows that but this works better in her instance. I would not have thought or needed to do that with the other one. I haven't even barely had to even talk about managing money with the other one except in some instances, I almost had to ENCOURAGE her to spend her money on certain things because that is why she has it. I know she is very good about saving up for certain things down the line but it is all about balance. The other one needs to think more of things down the line and not spend money just because it is there. I'm just talking now of their OWN money which is really their own perogative, as it is not my money but I still feel like I need to guide my younger one more about how to handle it. </p>

<p>As far as upbringing, that certainly is a factor. But in our case, even my husband and I don't approach things about money the same so a kid can also get mixed messages. </p>

<p>Anyway, just telling you that no matter what you have tried to instill in your son about money and spending, you only can do so much. Each kid's personality plays a part and conceivably if you had another child, he/she would approach things differently than your son that you have now. My kids definitely handle it differently and they both came from us and both have lived here a long time, LOL. </p>

<p>Susan</p>

<p>PS...I agree that latetoschool is an inspiration and I admire you very much. And yes, your circumstances are different. I do applaud how well you have managed as I recall much of your "story" and you are a success in various ways.</p>

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<p>Susan, thanks! And I agree about latetoschool..</p>

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<p>Thanks for the kind words, but, the only thing I can really take credit for probably is EARNING the money. I'll happily take a bow for consistently earning in a range incrongruous with my level of education. We all are probably very good at at least one thing and earning money might be my one thing. The rest of it, though, we've simply been very, very lucky to have some awesome community support, and support from the college. </p>

<p>For example, following high school graduation, D made an appointment with some investment counselor at our bank, took all of the checks - gifts from graduation, together with all of her scholarship/acceptance documents, and sat down with the banker. She came home and said to me "the banker said - he insisted - we MUST have a discussion about finances NOW - not the day before I leave for college - and he said we must have a very clear understanding of what expenses will come up for me, and who is going to be responsible for them, how they are going to be paid, what your commitment is, and I have a follow up appointment with him next week...."</p>

<p>I of course was stupidly bumbling right along figuring everyone could read my mind and know that of course it was my intention to pay all the bills for the next several years. What else would I do? I'm mommy, I pay the bills, period. It certainly never dawned on me that any discussion was necessary. Anyway, we had the discussion, and I even did our entire budget on a spreadsheet, complete with financial goals over the next five years, and it was a very good thing too, because otherwise things would have become very confusing and complicated, if not completely impossible, later. So D left for college knowing exactly what we each would expect of the other, and why, as well as some comprehension of my financial intentions over time. Oh and her little investments have performed more or less o.k., too. (Thanks Wachovia.)</p>

<p>Then, when I got the very first set of "bills" from the college, I absolutely could not understand any of them. I'd signed up for the monthly payment plan, as scholarships didn't cover all of the $40K bill, and, I had seven different pieces of paper, none of them said the same thing, and no matter how many calculators I used or how long I spent trying to figure it out, I could not understand if I owed $500 or $700 or $200, or if they owed me, or if maybe we were even steven. I was so frustrated I almost started to cry. I know I should be able to read a bill from a college, but - not sure how to explain this - none of the documents made any sense on their own, and none of them reconciled with each other. </p>

<p>Not wanting to appear very stupid and ask what might be a simple question of student accounts, I simply selected the largest dollar amount I could find on any of the pieces of paper, and tried to pay THAT, figuring, well, if it's wrong, at least it's wrong in their favor and my child will not be sent home for failure to pay. But the college's online bill payment system wouldn't accept the payment (turns out nothing was owed). </p>

<p>Bottom line, communication with the college was necessary, and has been necessary a few times over the last 3.5 years. I am very, very fortunate in that there are very wonderful people at the college; they always respond to me same business day and they are extraordinarily kind, patient and thorough with whatever odd question I might be asking. </p>

<p>Happily, there's lots and lots of help out there, as well as countless wonderful, good and kind people, and we've just been extraordinarily fortunate along the way. (I did write a letter of thanks to that banker, and his boss btw.)</p>

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<p>Oh - if I can add one more comment - a bit off the original topic of the thread, but, regardless of how much your student knows about family finances and related documents, I do think it is critical that they understand a few things, such as how to check their credit reports (free once a year now I believe), how to be aware of and recognize phishing, and how to carefully monitor things like credit card statements for fraudulent charges, and how to file a fraud report if necessary. </p>

<p>Last, I would add shredders as "must haves" - we have shredders in both residences, given the amount of mail college students receive - credit card offers, etc.</p>

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<p>latetoschool~</p>

<p>GREAT tips...thanks! I probably don't pay as much attention to some of this stuff as I need to. ~berurah</p>

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<p>Veering way off topic -- for those of us with more than one kid, where one is cautious & manages money well, and the other one has a spend-and-buy philosophy -- I'm wondering if birth order plays a role. It seems that we are all describing an older child as the one who is good with money, a younger child as the one who isn't. (Berurah -- please tell me how to get a daughter like your oldest!!! She sounds like an absolute treasure)</p>

<p>In my own family the pattern was repeated -- I'm the older of 2 kids; I hoard; my kid brother is irresponsible & spends. </p>

<p>So it occured to me that family dynamic & sibling relationships might be an evern bigger influence than parental values. For example, perhaps money-hoarding comes with the need of an older sibling to keep their possessions safe and out of reach from the younger... and perhaps the younger sibling develops a sense of entitlement and desire to spend from their lifelong habit of taking whatever belongs to the older sibling and trying to maximize use as quickly as possible before the older one arrives to take it back. </p>

<p>Just rank speculation of course -- but does anyone here have the reverse pattern? A younger child who is the "responsible" one of the bunch?</p>

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<p>calmom-#2 is definitely my most responsible and organized; #3 is pretty good; #1-well, let's just say that we often joke that we can't someday name him as our POA for fear that we will wind up in Potter's Field. LOL</p>

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<p><a href="Berurah%20--%20please%20tell%20me%20how%20to%20get%20a%20daughter%20like%20your%20oldest!!!%20She%20sounds%20like%20an%20absolute%20treasure">quote</a>

[/quote]

calmom~</p>

<p>If I knew the "recipe" or even thought that I'd had anything directly to do with the way she has turned out, I'd most happily pass it on---and for THAT matter, I'd have made sure that all of the others got the same thing! And I very much thank you for your kind words about my daughter.</p>

<p>The sort of weird thing is that she was probably my most challenging toddler...defiant, headstrong, and generally a pain in the rear. But then, somehow, miraculously, she grew into this absolutely phenomenal young girl.</p>

<p>This story was quintessential D---when she was in first grade (7 years old), she went with a friend to go roller skating. The friend's mom was a good friend of mine, so when she came to pick D up and I had only a five dollar bill or a twenty, she took the five and said, "It'll even out later." At the skating rink, they had this little contest that my D ended up winning, and the prize was a free drink. When my friend said to my D, "Hey, ____<strong><em>, do yo want to go and get your drink now?", my daughter, without missing a beat said, "Oh NO, Mrs. _</em></strong>_______! My mother would be SO disappointed in me if I asked you to do any more for me than you already have!" My friend said that her jaw just dropped......(And of course I had NEVER told D such a thing to begin with!!)</p>

<p>Now, my oldest D is NOT my oldest child. My Dukie is my oldest, and he, too, is exceedingly financially responsible...I put a minimal amount of money in an account at Duke, and I've yet to have to replenish it. He is VERY considerate in terms of realizing what we can and cannot do financially, and he has always demonstrated incredible gratitude for all that has been given him.</p>

<p>My second daughter (child #3) is the one who is least frugal and the most careless with money. But, even she is not bad by most standards.</p>

<p>My youngest daughter (almost 11) shows signs of being like her oldest sis, so we'll see...when it was my birthday 10 days ago, she took her own little stash of quarters to Wal-Mart and bought me a bee-you-tee-ful ring with my birthstone color. She is a real dolly. </p>

<p>So, they really ARE very different, but all special in their own ways. </p>

<p>I'll be interested to see how my "littles" turn out...I still have a 12-year-old, an almost 11-year-old, and an almost 8-year-old.</p>

<p>To answer your other question, my younger brother, the youngest in our family is VERY responsible with money and exceedingly frugal, so it CAN happen that way, I guess. And I DO think you are right when you say this:

[quote]
So it occured to me that family dynamic & sibling relationships might be an evern bigger influence than parental values.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>Berurah, I wish my son was a little like your oldest son or your older daughter. His line is 'My parents can afford it, I have the luxury, so why don't I?'. Anyway, I feel better, just sorta griping.... :)</p>

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<p>
[quote]
Berurah, I wish my son was a little like your oldest son or your older daughter. His line is 'My parents can afford it, I have the luxury, so why don't I?'. Anyway, I feel better, just sorta griping....

[/quote]

achat~</p>

<p>Hey, there's NOTHING wrong with a little griping! It is simply a parent's OBLIGATION to do that from time to time! <em>lol</em></p>

<p>I actually really love it when someone who is NOT me can give me some perspective on my kids because as parents, sometimes we fail to see the many positives for the few negatives, particularly if the negatives are "buzz issues" for us. </p>

<p>For example, my oldest D, who is MOST extraordinary in many, many ways, COMPLETELY lacks the intellectual drive and motivation of her older brother. She is bright--VERY bright, but so very content with other things in her life. She does well in school, but <em>I</em> know that with more drive and commitment, she could perform SO much better. But it is just not HER. She is more ethereal, more emotionally driven, more content with the spiritual than the material. So, I have made the conscious choice to NOT badger her about the academics, instead choosing to let her follow her own path. It's not that I don't want her to excel like her brother...it's more that I realize the price my pushing her would cost in terms of our relationship and have made the conscious decision that it's simply not worth it. </p>

<p>It has been especially nice to hear these things about my daughter from people here because lately, I have been lamenting the fact that I will most likely NOT be able to put all of my newfound "college knowledge" to use for her....she wishes to stay close to home (she and I are closer than close) for school, and that has required a new focus for me and some relinquishing of hopes and dreams for her college experience. But for HER, this is the "right" thing, and in the end, that is all that matters.</p>

<p>As usual, I have rambled a bit, but my point is that though your son's spendthrift ways may make you a bit crazy (and cause some family strife <em>lol</em>), I am sure that he has so many other qualities that you value and appreciate and that make him a most fabulous son! :)</p>

<p>~berurah</p>