<p>What if your HS senior wanted to opt out of all senior/graduation events?
No parties, no award ceremonies, no class day, picnic, graduation itself, not even the after graduation party, which 90-95% of the class usually goes to.</p>
<p>I can understand skipping the actual diploma ceremony (400+names).
The party sounds fun, but if S is loner and feels uncomfortable with it--OK.
Not sure if he can get out of class day since it is during school.
If nothing else, I want him to go to the academic awards (since he'll be getting some big ones) ceremony, which is in the evening so parents can attend. (And, yes, I do want to sit in the audience and think, "That's my boy!" and be proud of him. . .) He says he "doesn't see the point of being recognized." Says he's not curious about classmates' awards and where they're going to college. . .(I am!) The idea that he doesn't want to be a part of anything at all just makes me sad. S won't talk about it, and I'm frustrated.
We have no other relatives/friends/neighbors who will be celebrating this kid's graduation.
We'll probably just have dinner with our immediate family and he'll get a few gifts.
If this were your kid, would you try to talk him into attending the academic awards, class party or anything at all? Or would you just leave him alone? H says it's no big deal--just let kid not do anything. I think S will "miss out" on the experience (closure/end of HS/farewell to classmates) and actually appreciate it/have fun if he does attend some of these events.
Your thoughts?</p>
<p>Ask him to attend the awards ceremony for you. I’m sure you drove him a billion places over the years.</p>
<p>He might say no, which is fine, but don’t sell it as something he should do for “him.” Just tell him it’s for you. He might do that.</p>
<p>As for the rest of it, it’s his business. A lot of kids can’t wait to get out of high school. This is fine. Nobody wants the best time of their kids’ lives to be had before they are 18. </p>
<p>My daughter didn’t go to the evening award ceremony. Her friends parents asked me about it, since they mentioned her name anyway.
At least she attended graduation & the after party.</p>
<p>Have his friends tried to talk him into it? That might be more effective than mom doing it.</p>
<p>If he doesn’t have one or two dudes he can hang out with at the after grad party, I can see why he doesn’t want to go.</p>
<p>My gut tells me he doesnt want to stand around all awkward with no one asking him to pose with him for pictures, doesn’t want to ,make small talk, etc.</p>
<p>It is sad. Sometimes being part of rituals isn’t for oneself, it is for family. And you just do it for others. I would split the difference. Do award ceremony and grad, leave the rest. Those ceremonies are as much if not more so for parents then their kids.</p>
<p>If he chooses not to do the rest, eh, he will be fine. But I would ask if for you, as it’s impoprtsnt to you, to do grad and or awards. I would almost go to one or the other on my own just to show that ritual and ceremony are important sometimes.</p>
<p>There will be work dinners, and other life events he will need to attend regardlessof what he prefers. Tme to learn that</p>
<p>Some kids are just so over HS by this point in their senior year. But I wouldn’t have a problem insisting that he attend the awards ceremony, for you if not for himself.</p>
<p>Just curious as to whether this is the way he’s been for prior school events or something new? If he’s wanted to skip events before, I’ve tried asking my kiddos why. </p>
<p>Our S pretty much didn’t want to go to a lot of the parties and other festivities. Partly it was because he had missed A LOT of his school year & didn’t have a lot of close friends, partly it was because he found the parties pretty tiring and has limited stamina. He was willing to participate in graduation from HS & college. He also went to the after grad event with the HS as well as a few HS and one college grad party. We pretty much let him make the choices. We had a family graduation party for S & niece (both graduated together). He was a bit more helpful with his eagle ceremony, but only barely. He has no regrets for having participated at the level he did but was slightly wistful that he missed his SR Prom (never went to any formals that we’re aware of in college, tho the engineering school DID have them).</p>
<p>D, on the other hand, was OK about participating in a grad ceremony for getting her GED. She was somewhat embarassed about being called onto the stage & shaking hands with the entire Board of Education & other officials for getting a perfect 4000 out of 4000. She was also proud and amused that her grandfather was surprised and proud to see her on stage. We had a nice dinner after that ceremony, as well as a family graduation party for her & my nephew (both graduated the same year).</p>
<p>My son didn’t attend his HS graduation or any of the events surrounding it. Nobody in the family minded. Life went on.</p>
<p>Young people have different feelings about this time in their lives. Unless there are others whose feelings would be hurt, such as grandparents who were looking forward to the ceremony (we didn’t have that situation), I think it’s fine for the student to do as he chooses.</p>
<p>That may be - but that’s your issue, not his. I get where he’s coming from. I didn’t have much real interest in my kids’ classmates’ awards or where they were going to college. My kids knew where their close friends were going – and it just isn’t of much interest where a bunch of comparative strangers that they’ll never see again are going. I think what he’s trying to tell you is that high school wasn’t the best time of his life and he’d rather see it go quietly out than out with a bang. </p>
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<p>That’s ok. Nothing wrong with that.<br>
I’m sensing you’re an extrovert and he’s an introvert?</p>
<p>It’s high school graduation and awards. As my D once said, Everybody graduates from h.s. It’s no big deal. Maybe that’s what he’s thinking. However, I’d still ask him to do the awards thing just for his parents. Especially since he’s up for some big awards.</p>
<p>I would say ask him to go to awards for you and ignore the rest. It’s also a good model of showing gratitude for the award by showing up for the presentation.</p>
<p>I would have liked d to attend the award ceremony I admit. But the school apparently expected students to tell their parents that they would be recieving awards, but I didn’t know a thing about it!</p>
<p>Older Ds school didn’t have a separate awad ceremony. Class was small enough that post high school plans were announced at graduation.</p>
<p>I would pick a few of the graduation events and make him go. Tell him it is about your needs. That this is the only time we parents get a pat on the back for being good parents. It is true that it is just as important for us. Like a confirmation of doing many of the right things for our children. He maybe more inclined to do it for you.</p>
<p>I would let him opt out of the purely “social” events- class day/picnic/party. You say that he is a “loner” and these kinds of things are very awkward for a kid who doesn’t have a group to hang around with. It doesn’t sound as if either of you care about the actual graduation ceremony itself, so why bother.</p>
<p>The awards ceremony does seem important to you and that is why I think that you should agree to let your S skip everything else, but attend this one event. In exchange, perhaps you can offer to treat him to dinner out at a favorite place on the night of graduation.</p>
<p>I would strongly encourage just two things, the awards ceremony and graduation. The awards ceremony because it shows respect and acknowledgement of the awards. It’s a public way of saying thank you. The graduation ceremony itself may not seem that important but it is indeed a milestone and being an adult sometimes means being bored for a couple of hours. If it’s important to you, make sure he knows that.</p>
<p>I would expect my son to attend the awards ceremony and graduation.These events bring closure to the HS years with acknowledgment of a job well done. The other activities would be optional. </p>
<p>At the awards ceremony, he is being honored by his school and teachers for exceptional performance in the classroom. He should be gracious enough to show up and accept the awards. I do not know your son, but anything less seems rather rude and self-centered. He can do it for you, but, really, he should do it for himself and be humbly proud of his achievements. Would he not be embarrassed to return to HS the next day and have classmates and teachers ask him where he was?</p>
<p>Life will be full of moments where his attendance will be expected without regard to his desires or discomfort. Time to step up and be an adult. This would be an easy place to start and perhaps leave him with a good memory of high school.</p>
<p>Yes, he needs to attend the awards ceremony–especially if there are community scholarships being presented. At my D’s awards night, a young lady had won 2 scholarships from local organizations, but was not present to receive them. The people who had selected her were really upset and angry. Not only had they raised the money for the scholarship fund, but had also given up a night to sit through speeches etc. to be a presenter, and then she didn’t show. I still remember her name, so the rudeness made an impression.</p>
<p>Life is also full of moments where too many of us follow the expected formula without thought – even though we would prefer to do something else. </p>
<p>The important thing is learning to distinguish between the two types of situations.</p>
<p>When my daughter opted out of everything–didn’t even buy a yearbook–I just felt sad that she’d come to the end of 7 years in this school system without feeling connected enough to anyone or anything to want to spend time celebrating it and without plans to remember it.</p>
<p>It wasn’t that I wanted her to GO to things. I wanted her to WANT to. Because her not wanting to made me feel awful–was there something we could have done as parents to make her experience more positive?</p>
<p>I agree with the rationale of others, he should go to the awards ceremony. It would be insulting to the folks who are giving the award, whether an outside org or a school dept, to not go. I would not insist on attending anything else. He may regret it years from now, but that is life. Perhaps you can ask him to attend the graduation ceremony if it means enough to you.</p>