kid doesn't want to attend any grad. events

<p>^^^ Not me, I want the ceremony.</p>

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I just have to note that the baloney-detection technology may be more advanced on the Parents Forum than elsewhere. Your parents wanted you to go to your high school graduation, and weren’t persuaded by your lame arguments that it was outrageous that girls were given a little bouquet, etc. </p>

<p>While you can be proud of your kids without a ceremony, if you really cared about your parents’ feelings, you wouldn’t have put them through this nonsense, and you wouldn’t be so petulant about it now.</p>

<p>“Let me put it this way, perhaps more helpfully–it may be that high school graduation is a symbolic transition period in several ways.”</p>

<p>Okay, I’ll give you that.</p>

<p>“For parents, it represents the culmination of years of parenting, and now the child will be going out into the world. This is a proud, but bittersweet moment.”</p>

<p>Fair enough. But I was living in their house for 3-4 months after the fact, not really an independent adult at all. There was a ceremony to enter college, actually, at the university I attend, and that was a really huge moment for me. Lots of tears and hugging, from both my parents and from me. It made a much bigger impression than my graduation in that sense.</p>

<p>“For the graduate, it represents a transition to more independence and self-direction.”</p>

<p>For me, it was the college thing again.</p>

<p>“So, there may be a struggle if the student sees the graduation ceremony as a limitation on his independence.”</p>

<p>I agree with you completely on this.</p>

<p>“So I would say that this is an opportunity for the student to demonstrate newfound maturity by recognizing that the ceremony might not be meaningful for him, but that it is an important symbol for his parents.”</p>

<p>Whereas I hoped that by explaining my issues with graduation as a ceremony involving my high school would show maturity as well, and help my parents understand how I was living up to their expectations by not taking part in things that I found sexist, which were put on by organizations that had a history of being racist and/or homophobic.</p>

<p>“So, while he doesn’t have to like it, he should go.”</p>

<p>I’ll concede that you probably have a point. I still disagree, however. </p>

<p>“What’s more, even if your parents say they don’t mind if you skip it, they probably do mind, so go anyway. That will show even more maturity.”</p>

<p>Or the parents could say, you know what, we want you to go, but we understand your reasoning for not wanting to take part in this event. That way they don’t lie to their kid, have an adult conversation with them, and both parties hopefully come to a conclusion that they are both amenable to.</p>

<p>I should also say, Hunt, I appreciate the rephrasing of your post. The “oh for pete’s sake” part of my last post was mostly directed at your comment that you didn’t want to make me into a punching bag and the post beneath yours.</p>

<p>“I just have to note that the baloney-detection technology may be more advanced on the Parents Forum than elsewhere. Your parents wanted you to go to your high school graduation, and weren’t persuaded by your lame arguments that it was outrageous that girls were given a little bouquet, etc.”</p>

<p>Wow.</p>

<p>Just. Wow.</p>

<p>Okay, you know what. I can’t argue this point anymore. I’m sorry if you don’t believe that someone can actually have a problem with a high school appropriating a symbol of a ceremony that traditionally used women as a contractual guarantee of the transfer of property rights.</p>

<p>OP, I wish you and your son the best with your coming decisions. I’m sure whatever happens, his graduation time and college entrance time will be super exciting. :)</p>

<p>hunt I am so with you!!!
I also dont think 8 hours of your life is too much to please your parents and not a reason to exclude them from other life events. Life is too short.
While most our lives have been about our kids, sometimes it is and should be about us. And I have a very independent D as well. But some of your success has to do withyour parents and you need to appreciate this. If its cool with them (marian) than that is another story everyone is different.</p>

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Beep…beep…beep. Sorry, couldn’t resist. Perhaps there is more to this, but what you’ve stated isn’t very persuasive. The boys and girls wear different colored gowns? From a parent’s perspective, none of this justifies wanting to skip your graduation. Certainly, there may be good reasons for wanting to skip it. If the principal who will pass out the diploma mistreated you in some way, perhaps. Or if you were unfairly cheated out of being valedictorian, etc.</p>

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What, the bouquet? Hoo boy. I guess I believe that somebody can have a problem with that, but I think it’s silly. If not just baloney.</p>

<p>“Or if you were unfairly cheated out of being valedictorian, etc.”</p>

<p>This is not important.</p>

<p>My high school principal shut down our Gay Straight Alliance dance after not letting us use the gym like every other dance. We had to use the cafeteria, which was significantly smaller and, due to fire regulations, we couldn’t decorate. Two days before the actual dance, we were told we couldn’t use it. (ETA: We were told we couldn’t hold the dance at all. Sorry! Typo.) Problem.</p>

<p>She sent a letter to all students and their families saying that although black on black violence in the school had increased, a couple of gang related instances weren’t reflective on all black students in the school, who she hoped would ignore the examples of their fellow black kids and rise above their challenges. Problem.</p>

<p>When a transgendered boy asked if he could wear the girls’ robes to graduation and walk down the aisle with the girls and was denied, that’s another problem.</p>

<p>Sorry if you don’t believe that I can get upset about these things. But I did, and I didn’t want to take part in any school-sponsored activities because of it.</p>

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<p>I wasn’t aware that druid priests were vehemently racist and/or homophobic.</p>

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<p>Haha, man, does that ring true. I didn’t know either of the people sitting next to me (something you might expect in a 650 person graduating class, but then again lockers were also organized alphabetically and no backpacks were allowed in school…), and one was drunk before he even started having sips out of his “water bottle.”</p>

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Well, your story is getting better. Perhaps mentioning the bouquets first was a tactical error in making your case.</p>

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<p>I’ve attended every one of my graduations (hs, college, law school) because I believe it IS all about ME, LOL! My parents and all my sibs have also come to help me celebrate me. My sister, on the other hand, had to be talked to going to her high school graduation–didn’t go to any of her 3 college graduations. </p>

<p>Different strokes…my only regret is that my H didn’t attend his college graduation where he received his Ph.D. We had already moved away and were working–and didn’t have a lot of money. But I wish now that we had made the effort. He deserved recognition for his hard work.</p>

<p>I would definitely go to my high school graduation, even if I didn’t want to, if my parents wanted to attend. Speaking as a parent, it was a wonderful night (even with 700 names, it only took an hour for the whole ceremony) for us and I would have hated to miss it.</p>

<p>[Definitely attend the awards ceremony! At our school, community members who give scholarships are there to present their awards. If you get even only $250 and have to sit 2 hours, that’s $125 an hour. Hard to make money like that as a teenager.]</p>

<p>“Well, your story is getting better. Perhaps mentioning the bouquets first was a tactical error in making your case.”</p>

<p>I can see how it might be tenuous. I actually brought it up because I frequent a lot of feminist/sociology blogs (I bet no one saw this coming…) and someone actually mentioned the bouquets! At another graduation! And everyone got angry. So I was like, oh hey! I guess other people get miffed about this, too? But I should have realized my audience. Not everyone is a raging feminist who reads sociology for fun…</p>

<p>Hunt, I think you and I agree that basically this discussion should be handled maturely and respectfully by both the kids and their parents. I really did just want to say to the OP that if her son has legitimate reasons for not wanting to go to graduation, it might be better to listen to his reasons and let him make his own choice.</p>

<p>For what it’s worth, I think both Hunt and esopha are correct, which is why I said I’d make ds go to the awards ceremony (it’s just rude not to attend when you know you are being honored, plus it’s probably shorter and more low key than a graduation, and the kid would just have to deal with it). But the graduation isn’t a hill I’m willing to die on. If my kid didn’t want to go to his graduation ceremony I’d be sad, but I’d go without him. Seriously. I’m been involved in his schools his entire life and know most of the kids graduating and would want to be a part of their ceremony, even if he didn’t.</p>

<p>Thanks, esopha. I agree that if a kid has a longstanding adversarial relationship with his school, he might not want to go to graduation. I’m glad you did go, though, and I’m sure your parents appreciate it. I do hope that when other significant life events come up, you will focus on essentials and not nonessentials. (I can’t see the bouquets as essentials, for example. Whether a wedding is Catholic might be.)</p>

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<p>Unless you’re in the band – or in some instances, the chorus. If you are, you’ve already sat through three interminable graduations, and your own graduation is simply another rerun – except that this time, you walk across the stage at some point. Big whoop!</p>

<p>But you have to go anyway. You’re not obligated to be there as a graduate, but you are obligated to be there as a member of the band.</p>

<p>“I do hope that when other significant life events come up, you will focus on essentials and not nonessentials. (I can’t see the bouquets as essentials, for example. Whether a wedding is Catholic might be.)”</p>

<p>I do have critical thinking skills great enough to determine what I find essential to a ceremony or not, so I’m sure that won’t be an issue.</p>

<p>My parents, funnily enough, didn’t like the ceremony any more than I did. So I don’t know if they appreciated it or not. I think (hope?) they’ll appreciate the huge party I’m going to throw for my college graduation, and the following ceremony, a little bit more.</p>

<p>Our senior band members don’t play on graduation. For them, it IS a big deal, LOL…</p>

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<p>I present book awards for my college at several HSs every year. There is no money involved. I am fascinated that so many people here think that all that matters is money. If there is no money changing hands, it doesn’t matter?</p>

<p>Last year, the recipient at our local HS did not come to the awards ceremony. </p>

<p>Let me tell you, I felt like an ass after giving the presentation speech, describing her accomplishments in glowing terms, culminating in the big reveal of her name, and then standing there while no one came up. The only book award recipient who wasn’t there, I might add. It was, frankly, somewhat humiliating. The GC was embarrassed and apologetic. </p>

<p>It turns out that there was a screw up, and she wasn’t aware that she was getting the award. She wrote me a nice thank you note after the fact.</p>

<p>If I found out that the recipient DELIBERATELY did not come, I would be inclined to decline to waste my time coordinating with the HS and giving an entire evening of my time to sit there and listen to awards and clap and so forth. Gee, come to think of it, from now on, maybe I should just ostentatiously get up and leave after presenting my award. After all, who do these kids think they are? Someone who deserves a modicum of courtesy?</p>

<p>If you don’t go to your graduation, you won’t get to hear your relatives shouting, “Yeah, Joe!” and blowing airhorns.</p>

<p>Wait, which way does that cut?</p>

<p>Thank you, Consolation! It’s basic manners. And I also have no patience for kids who don’t dress appropriately for the event. Wearing shorts and flip-flops to an awards ceremony is not expressing indviduality or thumbing your nose at The Man. It’s just poor form.</p>

<p>I’ll add this anecdote to say that you might miss something amusing if you skip the awards ceremony. At my kids’ school, they tell you that your kid will be receiving an award of some kind, but they don’t tell you what it is. So we got the notice about my son and went, and he was recognized with others who had received some generic awards, and we thought that was it. Then a U.S Marine was introduced, and he called up my son and another kid we’d never seen before. The other kid got some award that had to do with her plans to go into ROTC (or something like that). I was sure there was some mistake, and it was clear from my son’s face that he had no idea why he was there. It turned out to be a music award, which they had a military person give out because it was named after Sousa (as I recall). I wouldn’t have wanted to miss my son’s expression as he was trying to figure out what that Marine was going to say.</p>