kid is off... my thoughts about the last 2 yrs

Parents Forum
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<p>This is long but I do feel well worth it... there's a message here!</p>

<p>I don't know where to begin, but I do have a point here, and it is... chill out! (Something I wish I could have done.)</p>

<p>When we delivered him to college a few days ago, I just could not believe we were at this point... besides the obvious overflowing bittersweetness of the goodbyes, and the immense pride I have in him... For the longest time I just couldn't believe we'd make it to this point... and actually having the bills paid (not an easy feat for divorced parents) and having him officially enrolled.</p>

<p>He's a really smart kid, and starting 2 years ago we did the research, then the visits, then the thinking of what it would be to like to go to school at every particular place... He set his sights high and we didn't think he had any reason not to... amazing stats & all that... but I see now that the common sentiment on this board & others, that he'd get in easy anywhere, it just ain't so. He had a couple snags in senior year, but even besides that, he's not amazingly flawless or stellar... being non-manipulative and having high integrity hurt him I think... he didn't want to apply ED or EA because there wasn't one school he called a dream school... and at one Ivy where he was rejected, he probably had a chance, if he applied to a different division there, but refused to do that because he didn't think he'd like the core curric. as much... so they dinged him, even being a legacy. (BTW, I've heard of TONS of MULTI-legacy kids dinged, so BEWARE those looking ahead!) And maybe being a smart white male, with no chance of being a college athlete, hurt him.</p>

<p>But I digress... My point is.. after the acceptances came in, and we saw his prospects were fewer & "less prestigious" than we thought they would be, we became realistic, and I had to shed my snobbism & elitism that I never thought I had, but certainly I did, with all the help from the obsessed & neurotic students and parents in forums like collegeconfidential and in my own affluent communiity...</p>

<p>He's at a damn fine school, a really good school, but not one of the first you think of... and he loves it, I love it... I was so damn impressed with the character of the place when we brought him there (he had visited after acceptance, but it was my first time). They went out of their way to be welcoming; we met some of his profs who were ultra-qualified... everyone... students, administrators, profs, all seemed so intelligent & interesting without the elitism or the over-the-top PC stuff (that being said, however, they have a very diverse student body and have all the helps for minorities & GLBT, etc.)</p>

<p>Bottom-line... a high-caliber, impressive, down-to-earth institution... and how ashamed I am now that I had those "Ivy-&-its-ilk" blinders on for so long...</p>

<p>Now I feel I am a true advocate for the platform, "There are great schools out there you won't think of..."... open your hearts & minds, people!</p>

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<p>Well said. Its terrific that S and family are so pleased with his college. Would you share which school at some point, as a suggestion to others?</p>

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<p>Thanks bookworm. I didn't think I would divulge, partially because I didn't want my message to be simply, "Consider Georgia Tech -- it's a great school!" I want my message to be more generic and universal and even poignant. But yes, although we may be in the honeymoon phase right now, I do think Georgia Tech deserves the kudos.</p>

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<p>


And here I was thinking the mantra of CC was "individual fit" and "the uber selects ain't safe for anyone, regardless of stats or hooks". My experience with parents here has been very, very different than yours. </p>

<p>I'm glad y'all found a school like Tech and I'm glad he's loving it, and that y'all can afford it. Sounds like a fit to me. Good luck.</p>

<p>p.s. High integrity is never a bad thing IMO, nor is it necessary to throw it away in the college search to have success.</p>

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<p>That might be the mantra, curmudgeon, but it doesn't reflect the behavior, and my son's experience is echoed among many we know and the elephant in the room no one speaks of, i.e., the conspicuous silence of the rejectees in forums such as this one.</p>

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<p>OP, it sounds as if you still have substantial bitterness about the process? Do you? Could you share why?</p>

<p>Can you show us a post that fits your description of how "we" CC parents act? If we are putting off that vibe, I'd like to do my part to change it and right now so we don't confuse anybody else.</p>

<p>Did you ask for help and get bad advice?</p>

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<p>I hope the OP doesn't let their S know how he or she feels about how he did in admissions. I found the whole post to be very sad.</p>

<p>Meanwhile, I agree with what Cur posted, but people can see what they want to here:
"And here I was thinking the mantra of CC was "individual fit" and "the uber selects ain't safe for anyone, regardless of stats or hooks". My experience with parents here has been very, very different than yours. "</p>

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<p>Georgia Tech is a great school. Be proud of your son for going there and don't look back at that one Ivy that would have accepted him if...</p>

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<p>ThinkingParent,</p>

<p>I hear you. I agree. </p>

<hr>

<p>FWIW, I've always loved the RamblingWreck from Georgia Tech.</p>

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<p>Sure, there's some bitterness about the process, maybe not substantial, but who wouldn't be? The immense quantities of applicants & applications, the marketing & competition among colleges to boast about their acceptance rates & yield, the worship of the Gospel of the US News, PR, etc, the gunner kids who pursue activities & courses simply because it looks good on college aps, not really reflecting themselves as people (and the parents who encourage this), the entrepreneuring of advisors & preppers, etc., the distortions based on preferred admission for AA & athletes, the manipulative essay questions, etc.</p>

<p>Certainly I'm not the first to say a lot of this just sucks. What gets me is the frequent published columns & opinion pieces from adcoms themselves who say the same thing but basically say, "I know this is all wrong but we just can't stop ourselves".</p>

<p>Any specific complaint I have with CC is mostly because people are just too obssesive, and they buy right into the system, and yes, back many many months ago the word on the CC street, when I posted his stats, was he'd get in anywhere... no, I didn't take it as God's word but it perhaps did make us cocky... we were smart enough to have a list of schools that really did range from safety to reach, but in retrospect was too many on the reaches, or we had a poor definition of a match.</p>

<p>And God, yes, I was swayed by elitism. It may not be you, curmudgeon, but there are those out there who are just like this. At least I have the balls to admit it was me.</p>

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<p>Northstarmom, he knows as well as I "how he did" in admissions... it's no secret! And we both know now that it's a process that does not reflect his intelligence or worth as a student or human being, and we've learned only recently that the elitism that abounds in society, especially in college admissions, is quite shallow.</p>

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<p>Mallomar, you & others here may be reading my comments all wrong... I am immensely proud of him, and have not even been able to curb my enthusiasm & my reawakening since he's started... I'm bragging left & right about him these days, I speak of nothing else to family & friends.</p>

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<p>Thank you, DRJ4.</p>

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<p>13 pages of posts in 4 hours on "Elite College Ranking" in College Search & Selection in CC. I rest my case.</p>

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<p>I'm glad he is happy! And glad that you can share your experiences with all of us here. I think some of the problem with CC is that a lot of the info comes from inexperienced kids posting - and a "What are my chances?" post doesn't get a realistic answer if answered by a 17-year-old fellow applicant! :) I have always found the parent's forum to be very conservative and realistic about chances of admission - and I've been lurking around here for over 4years now. (Gawd! that's a long time.) Again, good luck to your son, and help out the newcomers by continuing to share your experience with them.</p>

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<p>thinkparent, there is a lot of elitism on this board and by parents too. I like your post. My daughter is now going to be a junior in college and time goes so fast I wonder what the fuss about college admissions was really about.</p>

<p>In two years, it is over and then she hopefully has another 70+ years to live her life.</p>

<p>So just enjoy your son.</p>

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<p>ty, ty, anxiousmom. I agree with you about the answers from the inexperienced kids, but I'd add there are a lot of inexperienced parents doing it too, sometimes coming across as "experts"... my complaint about the internets in general... so many people read any old comment on the web by any old joe shmo and it seems to have validity. Hell, I'd never respond to a "what are my chances" thread... as much experience as I think I have, it's MY family & MY kid, and I'm no expert with even that!</p>

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<p>Beautiful post, dstark. Honestly makes me eyes water. And I'm only now starting the road to where you are comfortably residing... "I wonder what the fuss about college admissions was really about". And I will remember to enjoy him, and hope he enjoys his life. Bless you.</p>

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<p>Hmmmm...you read andison's story, practically THE CC story last year, and came away thinking that last year's CC parents had blinders on? Those were some heavy duty blinders, hon, because nearly everyone other poster opened thier eyes after they read that story. Even for the CC stars--and there are too many to count--I find that humility tends to blanket arrogance. I can't think of a 'slam-dunk' attitude among any of the student posters on the parent forum. Of course, I've never even opened the 'Elite College' Forum. The best info is on the parent's forum and the individual school forums, IMO.</p>

<p>Also, students send in ED to beat the lottery aspect of the 1 in 10 chances, to grab the best reach in their pile-- even though that reach might not be perfect. That's not manipulative, that's common sense. If a student doesn't need fin aid, ignoring ED is sheer hubris.</p>

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<p>Well, I'm not comfortable speaking for anybody else but if any of my posts led to you believe your son was a lock for an uber select school when in fact he wasn't, then I apologize. </p>

<p>I have been a proud part of the group demanding that the lists be built from the bottom up to avoid just these feelings. Obviously we need to do a better job. Sorry we didn't get through to you. Did you post on the parents forum, too or just the general forums? Do you mind sharing your previous name on the board? This bugs me more than it should and I'd like to see what got twisted around . </p>

<p>Again, I am glad the result was a good one . I am a Ramblin' Wreck fan from way back (ol Georgia boy here).</p>