Kid Quit!!

Athletic Recruits
1

<p>Well, I am no longer sockhermom!! Our daughter came home earlier this week and declared she was DONE with club soccer....as a sophomore and an intense player since 4 years old...this was her "in" to college. No matter what we said, her heart was not in it anymore. She said "Mom, I have changed...you just don't understand"..yeah I do, you just blew your chances for an easy entry into college (not to mention $$) She has been attending soccer college showcases and even had coaches interested in her!!</p>

<p>Now...how does she get into college? No, I am serious..what does she need to do to "stand out" now that she does not have the sports hook. She is lucky in that she has a good GPA but what else?</p>

<p>A frustrated ex-sockhermom...</p>

2

<p>Take a deep breath and relax! Give her some time, she may just need a break. As far as college, if her GPA is good, she should focus on the PSAT/SAT/ACT. Is she active in any other ECs at school? She might want to try for leadership roles in any clubs she is involved with.</p>

<p>On a side note, I have a friend whose son is one of the top swimmers in the state. He was state finalist in all his events from freshman year through junior year. In his senior year, he quit swimming mid-season, in Oct. His coaches and parents were devastated, but he just couldn’t stand being in the pool anymore. Fast forward to April, he decides to swim again, gets invited on an official visit and gets a full ride scholarship. He definitely would have had better options had he not quit in Oct., but at least he is back in the game. And the break did him a world of good. He is now focused and feels he is swimming for himself for the first time in a very long time. So, there is hope!</p>

3

<p>My kid is a junior and I am still a “soccer mom” but I am certainly not counting on it getting him into, finding, or as the only way into college. (I am more concerned that he will allow it to limit his choices).Was you daughter recruited? I know it’s different for girls, but I was under the impression there was not THAT much $$ in soccer scholarships.She is only a sophomore; What makes you think she can’t get in on some other merit? Kids who play club soccer are often good students.</p>

<p>OTOH, I can totally relate to the “hole” it leaves, when they take time off from the pitch.</p>

4

<p>No direct advice, here’s our story:</p>

<p>D1 is a DI runner. D2 has the same or better talents in that area. Quit as a sophomore, having lettered as a freshman and soph, selected to the all-state XC team and was a scorer on the state championship team both years. Fast forward- she’s graduating on Wednesday and heading to a school she loves, having gotten there on merit and other EC involvement, including a completely non-traditional sport. In fact she just received a major recognition for participation in the “alternative” sport at the national level. </p>

<p>I was heart-broken when she quit running, but I was wrong to worry. I bit my tongue a million times, and supported everything she chose to try during the months that followed. She knew very well how sad I was to see her stop, but she also saw that I was open to helping her move forward in whatever direction she chose. We have made our peace and I am so very proud of her for confronting me and being true to her own likes and dislikes- she hated that moment on the starting line, to the point of physical illness.</p>

<p>Psychologically, she now trusts her own judgement, knows that while I have good ideas, I do not get to chose how she runs her life and what she does. Had she continued running with the major motivation being to please me, I cringe to think the kind of adult she would be turning in to. This was a good thing, but I didn’t get it at the time.</p>

5

<p>SHE is the one that will be applying to colleges, NOT YOU! Therefore you should let her worry about how she is going to get into colleges. Plus, only a handfull of soccer players will be recruited to play in college, just because she plays soccer does not mean that she would be given a scholarship, etc.</p>

6

<p>You probably don’t need to panic, but I understand it can be frustrating. It sounds like she hasn’t crossed high school soccer off her list, and that can at least provide a way to show commitment to an activity. Team captains rank right up there with yearbook editors and student body officers, so there’s still room for her to show leadership. But even without soccer, surely she has other interests that she wants to develop, now that she will have more time on her hands. </p>

<p>If you really think she’ll miss out on something important, you might want to discuss the possibility of moving to a less high-powered club team for her junior year - maybe take the summer off and then find a new team. Freshman year, my D chose to go with a team that travelled less and was less intense in terms of expectations and time commitment, because she wanted to have a total high school experience. It was a great decision. She enjoyed the girls on her low-key team, had a blast playing high school soccer, and was able to participate in lots of other activities that she loved. She even took up a new sport, and ended up as captain of that one. The total package, including strong academic qualifications, made her an attractive recruit for a very fine DIII LAC. </p>

<p>As a longtime soccer mom, I’m really pleased with the way things turned out. She’s gotten into a great school and was able to embrace all that high school had to offer. Sure, she doesn’t have a full ride to a DI school, which many soccer parents seem to think is the holy grail. But we never thought of extensive club soccer involvement as an investment in her future. It was supposed to be fun! We knew all along that academics and fit would be the key questions when it came to college. Happily, she’s found a great fit, both for soccer and academics.</p>

7

<p>Playing a college sport is hard–even at DIII. If the kid doesn’t want to do it, she shouldn’t do it–period (unless, of course, we are talking about the need for a scholarship to defray expenses).</p>

8

<p>Your D still has time to work this out. But please keep in mind that if she went to college on a athletic scholarship and then quit…goodbye scholarship and potentially the affordability of the college. I just watched this happen over the last year. Parents didn’t hear the student’s unhappiness in high school…though it was obvious to others. They pushed her to secure the scholarship to make a certain college affordable. Half way into the first XC season in college, she quit. Now the parents are faced with a significant increase in college cost…and they are angry with her!</p>

9

<p>So few athletes actually receive scholarships, and fewer still have a future in atletics beyond college. I am a youth coach and it baffles me how many parents of average or even above average athletes think that this will be their childs ticket to college. Kids need to prepare academically and socially for college. They should not be pressured to perform athletically in exchange for an education.</p>

10

<p>Let me clarify my original post. There are some poor kids for whom athletics is their way out, and I can imagine a parent pushing that kind of kid to stick it out, even if the kid has lost some of his passion for the sport (always assuming, of course. that the parent has some legitimate reason to believe that the kid has the requisite talent.</p>

<p>But (particularly given the reference to a “hook”) that we are dealing with this situation here. In this case, continuing with an intense commitment to a sport has got to be the kid’s choice. Pushing for such an intensive simply because it might help the kid move up in the college sweepstakes is both myopic and fundamentally wrong.</p>

11

<p>My kids have made choices along the way that absolutely flabbergasted me. </p>

<p>I’m sure I did the same thing to my parents.</p>

<p>You have no choice but to let her do what she wants.
You can damage your relationship with her by not supporting her. It’s not worth it.</p>

12

<p>^
^
^ Riverrunner - you give great advice–
and remind me what great parent looks like. Thanks for the post here! ;o)</p>

13

<p>Maybe she is trying to tell you that she doesn’t want to play soccer in college and that is okay.</p>

<p>These past few months I have been listening to my senior son’s friends and parents who are devastated by the athletic scholarships that never materialized. These kids are great athletes who have been “followed and encouraged” by college recruiters/coaches since 8th grade.</p>

14

<p>fogfog, thanks for that. I’m a better parent each year, and by the time I’m a grandparent, I’m sure I’ll know exactly how to do this, and will be a complete pain in the butt.</p>

<p>I guess my point is, yes, this is the athletic recruiting website, and I adore college athletics, but there are so many great things to do in high school, and the very most important thing is to raise a confident kid, not necessarily one who plays a sport, especially at the college level. Lifetime sports, yes. Attempting to compete and be a student at the same time is only for those who can’t bear the thought of college without it.</p>

<p>I so sympathize with the OP. I may be assuming some things you haven’t said, so please excuse me if we’re not on the same page. I discovered that some (a lot?) of my own identity, social life and self worth was tied up in how my kids were performing in athletics. That worked out pretty well with DI, but is not going to be part of the others. I finally decided if athletics mattered so much to me, I should pursue it myself, and let my kids find their own successes, in spite of me. I just ran the Boston Marathon, and couldn’t be happier. My kids are better for it…</p>

15

<p>Wow, riverrunner, congrats on running Boston! I’ve decided half marathons are about my maximum distance. It’s cool you did that!</p>

<p>Yes, since DS has had a rough senior year, running-wise, I’ve had to let go of tying up my identity with his athletic success. He hasn’t run at all in outdoor track, and he really IS much more laid-back and happy. I’m really glad he’s not going to a school where the coach has a lot of expectations for him. I think he’ll end up running for a club team and loving it!</p>

16

<p>"I finally decided if athletics mattered so much to me, I should pursue it myself, "</p>

<p>LOL! LOVE that ! I SO want to say that, especially when I see unfit ( as in physically fit) parents criticizing their kids from their lounge chairs on the sideline. Good for you!</p>

17

<p>Thanks for all the words of encouragement…</p>

<p>For the doubters…she was definitely on scholarship track…she was a starter on a top 15 nationally ranked team in the country…</p>

<p>Now that a few days have passed, she has opened up about it a bit.</p>

<p>Yes, she will continue to play HS soccer (she said she promised her HS coach), her team actually won CIF this year, I guess this will look good for EC purposes. </p>

<p>He friend recently left for another team, she was on a Premier team and was offered a try out by a Silver Elite team…FauxNom had the same idea, I suggested she play down to regain the “joy” but she said she did not want to even go try out…</p>

<p>I have basically gone through this before…somewhat with my son who quit another sport…not entirely but stopped competing on a national level…before it was too late, he started playing again just enough to spark a few college coaches interest and will be playing D-1 in the fall. I understand that sometime kid’s need a break and we have never been one to push sports on either of our kids…they are lucky in that they are gifted athletes and in my son’s case…he was able to walk away for a while and then come back. But in soccer it is much harder and without the mental commitment and desire it is very difficult to get back into it at the same level.</p>

<p>Obviously, the choice is all on her…I know, no matter what we say or do can change this fact and we have accepted it.</p>

<p>All I know…once my son is of the college in the fall…I FINALLY HAVE MY WEEKENDS BACK!!! I am sure all you sports parents appreciate that…</p>

<p>and yes, I do compete in another arena, so no, I am not living through them…my kids got their athletic ability from me (not their Dad :wink: )</p>

<p>In the long run, I know she will get into a good school, probably get an some sort of merit scholarship but it is just so hard to watch your kid put their heart and soul, and basically their whole childhood into something that brought them so much joy, and then just quit…</p>

18

<p>I know this won’t sound like something coming from the parent of an athlete because athletics is so goal oriented, but I’ve come to see that the entire athletic adventure is a process not a goal. It’s an activity which is for the most part healthy and much better than some of the activities teenagers participate in. It’s a great way to break from the drudgery of studying all the time. It usually means a whole different set of friends from school friends . . . so enables many more social and well-rounded encounters. It gives the kids an avenue to develop confidence and also coping mechanisms in defeat. Most other activities can not compare in the experience that can be gained through high level competition. If my kid quit tomorrow, I’d be upset because it would mean going to Plan B for college admissions, but . . . if that EC no longer brings her joy then that’s something I am ready to accept. My next question would be to ask her how she’s going to spend her extra time because there will be vast numbers of hours and she’d better continue to be productive.</p>

19

<p>My son seems to have channeled his extra time and energy into playing the guitar, which is pretty neat! He asked for a digital recorder so he can record his ideas before he forgets them. About as opposite as you can get from running. He took lessons several years ago, but hadn’t picked up the instrument in quite awhile.</p>

20

<p>^^ MaineL</p>

<p>That point about sports and club has also been a thought in our house–Our student is still talking to coaches and is a rising sr–
and yet–I am hoping our student will consider some great schools and club options (and freedoms that come with it) as well…</p>

<p>Want out student to “Love Thy Safety” and
also love the schools w/out the sport…</p>

<p>remembering there isan’t a pro option for this</p>