<p>I cried watching my D acolyte (alter girl); she's been doing that for 10 years and this will be her last...</p>
<p>D is in London this semester. Skype (downloadable computer program) is wonderful. I can talk to her and see her for as long as I want for free. She even showed me the clothes she bought!</p>
<p>I find that I really can't be sad that she is gone because she is doing so well and is so happy! Isn't this, after all, what we raise them to do? Soar!</p>
<p>It is hard. I had a lot of lump in throat, teary moments..felt I had turned into my grandmother who always had a hankie in her cleavage and cried at the drop of a hat. Msn or Skype is good....we tried using the video link but she would cry when she saw us so now we just chat, no viewing. Time does fly..our D came home at Christmas and its been a matter of counting the months until May. This has worked for the first year...will see what next year brings...no easy answer but you are not alone.</p>
<p>I know this is a minority view and not helpful to the OP, but I post so that another view is heard. We live in Connecticut and my son is just about finishing his freshman year in Arizona. Don't really miss him much at all, as I feel that he's been moving away since preschool.</p>
<p>He loves his school, his major, his friends, the weather, the opportunities, the independence. He came home between semesters over the holidays, but chose to stay this week during spring break (he knows we will pay for the plane tickets whenever he wants to travel home). I suspect that he may not return to Connecticut even during the summer after this first year. We're okay with that...our motto has been "grow 'em up...move 'em out". And we're enjoying the one-on-one time with our younger son.</p>
<p>We are in TX and send D to Mass. - the reverse of your D's trip. It helped to see the campus and picture her there. Also, things have been going so well that I just revel in her accomplishments. And just think, she is doing Study Abroad this year, so Mass. is actually close! Still miss her, but hearing about all the wonderful places she has gone and has seen makes up for her being gone. I was concerned about the "Rich kid" rep of her school, as well, since she is a heavy FA student, but found there were so many kids like her there, and she made so many wonderful friends, rich, poor, and in-between. And no one seems to care. In fact, she traveled to meet some of her friends who are also doing Study Abroad in other countries, and they are coming to visit her. Your D will find friends (as D did) and she will have a terrific time. Not everyone is rich at SMU, and even if they are, it doesn't mean they aren't nice and want to be friends.</p>
<p>My S is loving his time at USC. I stopped off in LA on my way to a meeting but he was going skiing & didn't see me but I had a great visit with one of my best friends who lives in LA. Turned out he was sick & stayed in the dorm instead of skiing but wasn't up to spending time with anyone.</p>
<p>The 1st year was harder than this year, his 2nd year. He came home for winter break both years but has never come home for spring break. He calls more this year than last year and we can tell he's VERY happy and doing so well.</p>
<p>I think it will be harder for us when our D leaves, since she talks with us more. S has always been quieter & more reserved about what he chooses to share. D would like to transfer to join brother in LA at USC. We'll see how it works out.</p>
<p>S really didn't want us to come up to USC for Parents' Weekend either last year or this year. We will definitely get there & see a football game before he graduates.</p>
<p>In time, we all adjust, but it is tough getting used to the distance, especially when your child doesn't keep in touch as often as you might wish. We're working it out. S does keep in touch with his sister via IM (but doesn't want to IM us0. So far, we haven't tried Skype, but may do that before D goes off far away to college.</p>
<p>I'm a student. I live in Philadelphia and I'm considering (assuming I get in) going to school in Southern California...</p>
<p>I love the school and the location. I really would love to go. I have a sister in SoCal who lives about an hour from the school so I wouldn't be totally alone. However, my mom is really not handling the situation well. Initially she told me she wanted me to be happy and would support me wherever I decided to go. But after I sent in my application, she all of a sudden became really angry and upset that I was contemplating going so far away. Consequently, I'm pretty sure I've resigned myself to the fact that I won't go there, even if I get in with great financial aid or something.</p>
<p>However, I'm really conflicted. Is this fair? I mean, assuming the school works out financially (I know how expensive travel is), is it right for me to rule out the school completely just because my mother is upset? Isn't the beginning of my own life? I just don't know what to do. I love my parents and I want them to be happy. If I go to this school, I feel like my mother won't be happy. The issue is slightly complicated because she isn't from the US and feels somewhat alienated to begin with. She says if I leave she will be even more alone. </p>
<p>I'm pretty sure I won't end up going...but I have that pang in me. If I don't even consider it, I feel like I'll regret it one day. </p>
<p>I figured some parents here might have some advice or thoughts..</p>
<p>Mairoula: I am a parent, and my son is going to be 10,000 miles away (literally). It is hard for most parents, to one degree or another ,and I think it is admirable of you to be sensitive to your mother's feelings, and perhaps to discuss it with her. But, ruling out any type of illness, I am sure she will survive, if not develop other ways to live her life. If she has moved from one country to another, she must be a strong woman.
Perhaps talk to your sister and she can help you bridge the gap with your mom. But don't give up on your dream. At least give it serious consideration ( assuming you get in :) ) Talk to your mom, explain your feelings if you can.</p>
<p>As you can see from this thread many parents have these feelings, some express them more to their children than others. And yet we all know we have to let go at some point. It is part of the natural process...</p>
<p>Ok, I know that this is about all the great reasons for a kid to be far from home, but I am going to (with the risk of being "yelled" at) argue that sending a kid far away is not the thing to do. I know all the reasons for going for your dream school that is far away, but relationships are simply the single most important part of one's life. Son is looking at colleges 1/2 hour to 5 hours from home. While he is still wating to hear from all the colleges, he is starting to think the college 1/2 away is where he wants to go. When discussing this with him, he stated that he wants to be close to his grandmother (who is like 5 minutes from the college). She loves having him and his friends over all the time. He wants to be near her as she is his last living grandparent. I know he would be happy no matter where he goes, but he wants to be a part of her life all the time, not just vacations. In fact, she told him if he goes to that college, she will do his laundry on Sundays. It is hard to argue with a young man who says he wants to be near his grandmother who has been a huge part of his life. I know, let the arrows start flying, I just can't agree that sending a kid to the other coast is a good idea. In our house, it just isn't a good idea.</p>
<p>Our D went from Georgia to Massachusetts - about 1100 miles. An unlimited cell phone calling plan makes a big difference. Also, find the cheap airfares and spend the money to make periodic visits to campus. Splurge and buy dinner for D's friends while you visit. It's going to be expensive, but what in life is worth spending some savings on if not cultivating your adult relationships with your kids and their new lives?</p>
<p>jollymon,</p>
<p>Sending YOUR kid to college on the opposite coast is not a good idea. And your son has valid reasons for his choice.
The OP's child has made a choice and the OP wanted to compare coping mechanisms with folks who have gone through this. Many posters have offered their strategies.</p>
<p>
[quote]
In our house, it just isn't a good idea.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>No yelling from me, jollymom! Though you made my point for me in the quote above. I am glad that you and your son know what is right for your family. Our situation was different, and in spite of missing him, I know S made the right choice in going 900 miles away to the school he loves.</p>
<p>Yes, that is true.</p>
<p>As a current high school senior, I will most likely be going to the East Coast for college, even though I live in SoCal.</p>
<p>I think going far from home for college is ok as long as a student come backs home and visits, sometimes. I don't think a student should forgot his or her family.</p>
<p>Two children in colleges on the opposite coast (both are 2,800 plus miles from home). Both are happy and thriving to the the best of my knowledge in their chosen environments. The right decisions for them, so the right decisions for our family. No, it was not easy for this mom, but I've always encouraged my kiddos to spread their wings - and they did. </p>
<p>They happily come blasting back home on a regular basis and it's wonderful. They have a true appreciation for "home" and all that it means. Travel is a bit of a pain, but there have been plenty of lessons learned there, too!</p>
<p>There was a great cartoon in the local paper at the first of the year showing a middle aged couple walking along a beach with umbrella drinks in hand. The caption was along the lines of "...the nest may be empty, but the glasses are full". I really like that outlook. One more vulture in the nest...</p>
<p>Of course, each of our families have to make the choices that work best for the family. In our family, it has been tough on us parents, but we want our kids to have the freedom to go where they want and will thrive. I would love it if it meant they were 1/2 hour from home with a grandma who would wash their laundry & sprnd time with them, but for them both it means CA, which is 2500 miles and a 5 hour flight from our home. It is a blessing that cell phones, IM, Skype & other technology allow people to stay in touch and it's only one flight instead of several. It's also great for us that we have close family friends living 30 minutes from campus.</p>
<p>Ultimately, for our family, it's about the kids & their choices rather than what's easiest on the parents.</p>
<p>For families that can't deal with the distances, there is always grad school, summer programs, or post-graduate work which could involve shorter time periods and/or provide more options.</p>
<p>All kids are different. Some kids really don't feel comfortable and need to stay within an hour of home(not sure Grandma should be doing laundry, however!). For kids who want to make their own ways, parents really should not stand in their way. Painful as it may be for us to have them go, we just have to remember that they are adults and after all, that has always been our goal, to have them be their own person and be happy. The kids have to be comfortable, not the parents! We all left our parents eventually, now it's their turn! PS...vulture, I LOVE that cartoon!</p>
<p>My first child attended college in St. Louis - we live in NY. She did not come home as often as her friends who attended school on the east coast. It took more than a bit of planning to set her up in her dorm, transport her home on vacations, change seasonal clothes, and get her stuff home at the end of the year. It was very helpful (and a consideration that should not be overlooked) that we are 30 minutes from an airport that had at least 4 nonstop flights a day to St. Louis, and that the school she attended was an easy 10 minute cab ride (or light rail ride) to the airport. It was all possible, but I did feel twinges of jealousy the first two years when her HS friends would come home for homecoming and other weekends, and our D was only home for Thanksgiving, winter break, and the summer. But that was my daughter, and she was OK with it so I was OK with it. I liked that she was meeting kids from other parts of the country, as well as getting to know a city and a part of the country that was different from anywhere that she lived. I loved visiting St. Louis! Six months after graduation she moved to San Francisco, which is even further away and more diverse - but she loves it, and I love visiting there at least as well!
Our son is a freshman at a school in Baltimore. He did not want to be a plane ride away. We like that he can get home by Amtrak in a little more than 3 hours, and has taken advantage of that. Our niece and family live nearby, and he often escapes from campus to stay with them. He loves the arrangement - it works best for him, so it is great for us as well.
Every kid is different, as mizzou-mom stated. Know your kids, and support them in their endeavors to stretch their wings in whatever way works for them. We as parents will hopefully survive!</p>
<p>We live in SoCal. My youngest only applied to one school in SoCal an hour away. The rest are in Iowa, Ohio, Pennsylvania and Mass. It seems like there are more people willing to have their kid go from CA to the East then visa versa. Maybe it is becaus the west is so spread out anyway? My oldest went 8 hours away by car and that was only half way up the state of CA! My youngest may go to the NE. That would be less then 8 hours by plane. What's the difference?</p>
<p>I've spent some time on the SMU campus and know about the rich kid reputation. Everyone I know who has graduated from there told me that, yeah, there are a lot of rich kids at the school, but there are plenty of people who don't move in those circles, so it's easy to find friends. These grads are some of the finest people I know, totally down to earth. They don't fit that "SMU mold" at all.</p>
<p>And, yes, Texans are friendly as they come.</p>