LAC for transgender son

[marirob]

<p>My son, FTM, is interested in attending a small LAC with strong academics and a supportive environment for transgender students. Location is not important. What LACs do you suggest us explore?</p>

[LasMa]

<p>I would think that most LACs are going to score pretty high on this. My D’s college is specifically supportive; I remember hearing about their resources for GLBTQ students back when we were doing tours. I’ll PM.</p>

[GA2012MOM]

<p>^
I agree. My D’s small LAC is very accepting of everybody. Is your child a Junior or Senior? If a junior, I would highly rec campus visits. Vassar comes to mind as a school you might look at.</p>

[warblersrule]

<p>

@LasMa

I would think that most LACs are going to score pretty high on this. My D’s college is specifically supportive; I remember hearing about their resources for GLBTQ students back when we were doing tours.

Unfortunately, one can NOT assume that is the case. There is a reason I often mark schools as being LGB rather than LGBT supportive. </p>

<p>A college supportive of T folk would ideally have gender-neutral and/or single-occupant bathrooms, gender-neutral housing, counseling and medical/health support for those choosing to transition, the ability to select a name on student records, etc. A college can be “supportive” but lack these things.</p>

<p>marirob – The list of colleges with good support/resources for T students is unfortunately pretty small. Oberlin definitely stands out as having the best track record. These websites may help:</p>

<p>[Transgender</a> Law and Policy Institute: Best Practices for Transgender Students](<a href=“http://www.transgenderlaw.org/college/guidelines.htm]Transgender”>http://www.transgenderlaw.org/college/guidelines.htm)</p>

<p>[Colleges</a> & Universities that Offer Gender-Neutral Rooming](<a href=“http://www.genderblind.org/research.pdf]Colleges”>http://www.genderblind.org/research.pdf)</p>

<p>I strongly encourage you to contact the LGBT centers on campuses, as they can give you far more information than we can.</p>

<p>[LGBT</a> Campus Consortium : Directory](<a href=“http://www.lgbtcampus.org/directory/]LGBT”>http://www.lgbtcampus.org/directory/)</p>

[GA2012MOM]

<p>

A college supportive of T folk would ideally have mixed and/or single-use bathrooms, gender-neutral housing, medical/health support for those choosing to transition, etc. A college can be “supportive” but lack these things.

</p>

<p>Why would a LGBT student need the above? If the OP’s child identifies as male, then he uses the mens restroom, and would be housed as a male. I don’t see your point.</p>

[warblersrule]

<p>

@GA2012MOM

Why would a LGBT student need the above? If the OP’s child identifies as male, then he uses the mens restroom, and would be housed as a male. I don’t see your point.

At the risk of derailing the thread, suffice it to say that many transgender students feel more comfortable with such arrangements for various different reasons. There is a reason queer-friendly schools like Michigan and Wesleyan have adopted these measures – there has been a demand for them. Many of the transgender students here at UCLA have vocally demanded gender-neutral housing, for example, and that is despite the fact that UCLA has a very large and supportive LGBT community (and allies). LGBT conferences typically also have gender-neutral bathrooms (usually on an ad hoc basis) on host campuses/facilities for similar reasons. </p>

<p>I’m not saying the OP’s son would necessarily need all of those options, mind you, but any college that considers itself transgender-friendly should certainly have them. The Campus Climate Index measures such indicators for precisely that reason.</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.campusclimateindex.org/[/url]”>http://www.campusclimateindex.org/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Incidentally, there have been several threads on this over the years. Here’s a few relevant posts that may be useful to the OP and others:

@mini

Do NOT assume acceptance at otherwise “liberal” schools - you really need to kick the tires. And having health facilities or physicians in the area who can deal with any special needs of transgendered people can be critical. If you specifically ask a school about what they know about health referrals for transgendered students and they look at you like a deer in the headlights (as will happen at MANY so-called liberal schools, or so I am told by people who know), things may not be as rosy as they might otherwise seem.

@DonnaL

I don’t have a great deal of time right now to answer your question, but thank you <em>so</em> much for being so supportive of your child. Unfortunately, all too many trans teenagers are thrown out of their house, and completely rejected by their parents.</p>

<p>Whatever decision is ultimately made about transition, socially, medically, or otherwise, your child deserves to be somewhere where there’s lots of support, both from the student body and the administration.</p>

<p>I’m a trans woman myself (I’ve posted about my history on the Parents’ Forum, to some extent), and have a gay son who just finished his first year at the University of Chicago. (Which, by the way, is both officially and unofficially trans friendly, although my son isn’t sure whether there are presently any openly trans-identified undergraduates – there are, however, several graduate students. There is also gender-neutral housing available, beginning just this year.)</p>

<p>My somewhat educated guess, from talking to people and reading about the subject, would be that for every 100 “out” gay and lesbian college students, even at LGBT-friendly institutions, there’s <em>maybe</em> one out trans-identified undergraduate student. And the vast majority of such students are on the “trans-masculine” spectrum, that is, born and raised female but identifying as male to a greater or lesser extent. Society is still much more tolerant and forgiving of gender-variant or gender-fluid behavior among girls than it is among boys; it’s infinitely easier in most cases for a girl to do that than a boy, and it’s infinitely easier in most cases for a boy to come out as gay than to come out as trans.

@quaere

Kei-o-lei, I’m transgender and going into my second year at Oberlin. I’ve had a great experience here and would love to talk with you if you’ve got questions; feel free to send me a PM or an e-mail </p>

<p>I also looked at Wesleyan, Swarthmore, Vassar, and Haverford, which all seemed very trans-friendly. Hampshire would also be a great choice, and I’d speculate that Bard and Sarah Lawrence are good, though I don’t know much about the trans life specifically. Other schools I considered, that may be too far away for your child, are Carleton, Macalester, and Reed.

@quaere

While I’m still thinking about this, here are a few specific things to consider when looking at schools (in addition to anecdotal info about how trans-friendly the students are, which is also important…) Some of these things may be easier to find out about than other things; some of it may be more or less important to your child, depending on her plans, what she’s comfortable with, and how out she wants to be. It’s awesome that you’re being so supportive - she’s really lucky to have you as a parent!</p>

<ul>
<li><p>Housing: is there all-gender housing or LGBT-themed housing, and is it open to first-years? Can trans students get singles, or be housed with their identified gender rather than their physical sex?</p></li>
<li><p>Bathrooms: how accessible are all-gender / single-user bathrooms, in dorms and around campus?</p></li>
<li><p>Health care: is there easy access to therapists and endocrinologists who have experience with trans patients? Are they available through student health services, or other doctors in the surrounding area?</p></li>
<li><p>Resources on campus: are there trans student organizations and support groups? Are there designated offices or staff members who work with LGBT students? Are there events or trainings to educate the campus community about trans issues?</p></li>
<li><p>Changing records: how hard is it to change the college’s records of your name and gender? Do they need to be legally changed first? Is it possible to register a preferred name for course rosters, etc.?

@quaere

I disagree that Smith (or women’s colleges in general) are the best places for trans students. I say this having considered Smith/Mount Holyoke/Wellesley/Bryn Mawr as a pre-op FTM, and also based on discussions with close friends at Smith and Mount Holyoke. These are students who are allies to the trans community, but are still frustrated about the presence of men at a women’s college. The majority opinion was that it’s a women’s school; there are FTMs there who transition after enrolling, and they should be supported because they are part of the school community; but that doesn’t mean the school should open its doors to students who know they aren’t women when they apply. When I realized I was FTM, I took women’s colleges off my list. While I know some are supportive of students who transition, I’d be acutely uncomfortable coming in knowing that I was male and asking to be recognized as a man from the start. It seems very disrespectful to the students who go there specifically looking for an all-women environment…</p></li>
</ul>

<p>Re LACs, it really depends on the school. At some schools, a trans student would definitely stand out. (That’s true of some universities, too.) But an LAC with an established trans community (like the ones named in this thread) can be a great choice. My experience at Oberlin has been that although our trans community is smaller than that at, say, UVM, we’re collectively more visible because we’re a greater percentage of the student body. That means individual students are less likely to stand out as the trans person. It’s also easier to find resources and navigate problems at a smaller school. If someone feels strongly about being at a small LAC rather than a larger university, they don’t necessarily need to compromise that in order to find an environment that will respect and support their trans identity.

@DonnaL

Second, I don’t know if the comment about needing “transsexual bathrooms” was meant to be funny, or snide, or was in any way serious. There’s no such thing as a transsexual or transgender bathroom, and there’s no reason for them. What trans people who aren’t comfortable using (or feel endangered in using) the bathroom of their “true” gender really need is more single-person bathrooms. I’ve never understood why all single-person bathrooms aren’t gender-neutral anyway, regardless of trans issues. What difference does it make who’s using a single-person bathroom at any given time, as long as it’s kept clean? (And I can tell you from personal experience that although women are generally neater than men in public bathrooms, that’s by no means universally true. Hovering can cause major cleanliness issues if people aren’t careful!)</p>

<p>The question of when trans people are comfortable using the bathroom of the gender they’re transitioning towards is an entirely separate issue I’ll talk about more if I have a chance. Passing (I prefer the term “blending in,” because “passing” implies trying to be something I’m not) is obviously a factor, but some trans women, and trans men, never pass no matter what. Although the allegedly widespread need among trans women for facial feminization surgery is highly exaggerated; I know many trans women, myself included, who blended in perfectly well from the beginning.

</p>

[GA2012MOM]

<p>While all of your points are valid, I’m not so sure that a small LAC can accomodate them. Sure, UCLA, being a large uni can do it, but when the school is 1800 kids or less, they can’t make dif housing/bathroom situations. </p>

<p>I’m not sure what the big thing is. If the OP has a son, why wouldn’t he just go to the male dorm and the male bathroom?</p>

<p>Sorry if I am clueless, but it just seems like a no brainer to me</p>

[Ghostt]

<p>

I’m not sure what the big thing is. If the OP has a son, why wouldn’t he just go to the male dorm and the male bathroom?

</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Because some transgender people don’t identify as fully male or female. Gender is a rich spectrum, not a binary, and male and female bathrooms leave most of it uncovered.</p></li>
<li><p>Because most transgender people do not feel comfortable using a gendered bathroom; the concern is that some cisgendered folks may question their right to be there, or make a fuss, or try to humiliate them, or even assault them physically. Which–gasp!–happens all the time.</p></li>
<li><p>Because using gendered bathrooms reinforces the gender binary that makes life so difficult for transgender people.</p></li>
<li><p>Et cetera, et cetera. There are many possible reasons why someone might not want to use a gendered bathroom, and I’m sure you can come up with some of them on your own if you really tried to put yourself in someone else’s shoes for a second.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>As for your assumption that a small school cannot provide trans-friendly housing while a big school can, wrong. My own school, which has less than 1500 students, has gender-neutral bathrooms everywhere (though students have the option to request that a bathroom be designated for their gender, if they feel uncomfortable with gender-neutral bathrooms–an option I don’t think anyone’s taken advantage of), allows people to room with whomever they wish regardless of gender after freshman year, provides counseling and health care for transgender people, offers more than two gender options to choose from on many official documents, etc. Transgender people are also pretty visible on campus.</p>

[GA2012MOM]

<p>I could give a flying crap who walks in on me in the restroom, or if I share it with a guy. I’m just saying it is unreasonable to expect a small school to accomodate anybody who feels that they can’t pee in front of another gender. JMO</p>

<p>Edit: Does anybody who is TG expect to have a neutral bathroom at Target, Kroger or a gas station bathroom? I have always taught my D to adapt to situations. I think that applies here…</p>

[mspearl]

<p>Ghostt: thank you for your thoughtful response. As a person with a best friend who is transgendered, what you say makes sense.</p>

[bullhockey]

<p>Good luck on your search marirob! I agree with warblersrule that shooting campus LGBT centers an email to ask about resources for incoming trans students is a good way of finding out about the campus climate. </p>

<p>GAMom, that’s cool that you don’t police people’s gender in the bathroom. For some reason, a lot of other people do make comments about or start fights with people in bathrooms based on what they think their gender is. Plus, some trans people don’t have the same anatomy as people who aren’t trans. So, using public bathrooms (particularly without stalls), and locker rooms for that matter, can be awkward. In the places you mentioned, a lot of trans people would probably just hold it if they don’t feel safe.</p>

[Longhaul]

<p>Pitzer - We visited this summer and were told of the new rooming offerings, co-ed roommate requests after freshmen year. It seemed geared toward transgender.</p>

<p>Coming from the Mid-Atlantic region, I’d disgree that most LACs are friendly the PA LACs are not very friendly with the LGB and LGBT IMHO.</p>

[itransferred11]

<p>Earlham, Reed? I think they have gender neutral options.</p>

[ArtsyLover]

<p>Wesleyan’s supposed to be really liberal, so that could work? Anyway, it’s great that you’re so supportive of your son and that you’re helping him with the process. He should be proud of you! : )</p>

[LasMa]

<p>^^ My thought too!</p>

[happy1]

<p>I would consider Skidmore (NY) and Wesleyan (CT) but agree with prior posters that a campus visits will be very important. I’m sure that with your help your son will find schools where he will thrive.</p>

[marirob]

<p>Ghostt: I am the OP. Thank you for thoughtful words. As the father, I am learning to better understand the issues involved in being transgender. It it not an easy life. As my son has said, it is not an easy life nor one he would choose, but he is not going to deny who he is. Can you PM me and let me know what college you attend? Thank you</p>

[jkiwmom]

<p>Earlham, Oberlin, Wesleyan, Skidmore, Warren Wilson (WW is a school with less than a 3.5 gpa accepted avg.). I just realized that we don’t have stats.</p>

[Gwen_Fairfax]

<p>You might consider Clark. It’s a great school from what I know of it, and very welcoming to all, (for instance, roommates are not necessarily chosen by gender).</p>

[happy1]

<p>Maybe look at this list for ideas
[Colleges</a> With Gender Neutral Housing](<a href=“http://issuu.com/alliedinpride/docs/colleges_with_gender-neutral_housing]Colleges”>Colleges With Gender Neutral Housing by Allied In Pride - Issuu)</p>