<p>in the Autobiography of Chuck
Young, the creator of
the Road Runner cartoons.</p>
<p>"Rules that we obeyed in the Coyote-Road Runner
Series:"</p>
<ol>
<li><p>The Road Runner cannot harm the coyote exept by
going "Beep Beep!"</p></li>
<li><p>No outside force can harm the Coyote-only his own
ineptitude or the
failure of the ACME products.</p></li>
<li><p>The Coyote could stop anytime -- IF he were not a
fanatic. "A fanatic
is one who redoubles his effort when he has
forgotten his aim" -George
Santayana.</p></li>
<li><p>No dialogue ever, except "Beep Beep!"</p></li>
<li><p>The road Runner must stay on the road -- otherwise,
logically, he would
not be called Road Runner.</p></li>
<li><p>All Action must be confined to the natural
environment of the two
characters -- the Southwest American desert.</p></li>
<li><p>All material, tools, weapons, or mechanical
conveniences must be
obtained from the ACME Corporation.</p></li>
<li><p>Whenever possible, make gravity the Coyote's
greatest enemy.</p></li>
<li><p>The Coyote is always more humiliated than harmed by
his failures</p></li>
</ol>
<p>when i find soemthing funny on the web, i save it on a document. here r some random ones</p>
<hr>
<h2>"Microsoft Works." Oxymoron</h2>
<p>Questioner: "What is your opinion of American civilization?" </p>
<h2>Mohandas K Ghandi: "I think it would be an excellent idea."</h2>
<h2>"I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastromi. Someone needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself."</h2>
<h2>"All McDonalds commercials end the same way: "at all participating restraunts." I want to open my own McDonalds and not participate. Can I have a BigMac? No, but we have spaghetti......and blankets."</h2>
<p>History of Math
Last week I purchased a burger for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register.
I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help.
While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.
Why do I tell you this?
Please read more about the "history of teaching math":
Teaching Math In 1950
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Math In 1960
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
Teaching Math In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?
Teaching Math In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
Teaching Math In 1990
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees. (There are no wrong answers.)
Teaching Math In 2005 </p>
<h2>El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta de production es . . . </h2>
<p>Son's letter to dad:
Dear dad,
college i$ going $uperbly well. I am now taking $wimming cla$$e$ too and my new girlfriend'$ name is $u$an. $econd $eme$ter get$ over on the 31$t and i look forward to $eeing you $oon.</p>
<p>Dad's letter to son:
Dear son,
I am glad to kNOw that you're having a good time. The pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task and NOt many people have the opportunity to do so. I am currently keeping myself busy with a very interesting NOvel. Take care.</p>
<p>A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.</p>
<p>After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".</p>
<p>Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!"</p>
<p>The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.</p>
<p>The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.</p>
<p>The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"</p>
<p>The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "</p>
<p>A Russian, a Cuban, an American, and a Mexican are sitting on a boat in the middle of the ocean. The Russian takes out a bottle of expensive vodka, takes one drink, and throws the bottle into the ocean. The American, bewildered, asks the Russian why he did it.</p>
<p>"Vodka is plentiful is Russia, it flows like rivers" he is told.</p>
<p>The Cuban then takes out a Cuban cigar, lights it, takes one puff, and throws it into the ocean. Again, the American asks him why he did it.</p>
<p>"We have millions of cigars in Cuba," the Cuban says. "I can afford to do this."</p>
<p>The American then looks at both of them... and throws the Mexican into the ocean.</p>
<p>lol!! dats funny...darn, i seemed to have run outta them...
mods: PLEASE dun close this thread anytime soon, i need this is depressin times :( :p</p>
<p>A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him
sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as
he wipes a
tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
"What's the matter,dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?".
The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes,I do" she replies. </p>
<p>The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my carmaking love?"
"Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair
beside him.
The husband continues...
"Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you
marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"
"I remember that too" she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...
"I would have gotten out today!!!!"</p>
<p>Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep. </p>
<p>A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''</p>
<p>I was happy.
My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses.
She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.</p>
<p>One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."
I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family".</p>
<p>Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.</p>
<p>The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'</p>