L'amour du TA

Student Lounge College Life
1

<p>So. I know a lot of these posters get made fun of for asking for relationship advice, but this is a bit more of a "collegiate" issue although I am sure this topic has been discussed to death. The topic being relationships between TAs/Profs and students. I guess I should start with a bit of a background story and just go from there...</p>

<p>Anyway, at the beginning of this semester, I got a sense that one of my poli. sci TAs found me attractive/had a crush on me. This doesn't really matter because it can't be proven and it probably makes me sound arrogant, but, it was just one of those senses. At one point, early April, I went in to ask for a paper I'd lost and we just started talking. He was really easy to talk to and it was just a fun conversation that didn't just stay on topic for class-related things (i know a lot about what he's done in his past and he totally brought up a skinny dipping story) . So, anyway, I started going in and talking to him like every week for, basically, the past month. This past Friday we were talking about human rights and around midnight that night, he sends a two page email going on even more about human rights and I basically reply that it'd be better to talk in person (go me). So, he says that all I have to do is ask him and he'll see if he's free (beyond his office hours). On sunday afternoon, after said exchange, he goes, "Actually, I am going to be at this coffee shop from this time to this if you'd like to stop by and talk!" </p>

<p>I did. No phone number exchange or buying of coffee occurred so, it's not like it was a real "date" (it was also a Sunday afternoon, right?). </p>

<p>I really like him, despite the age/undergrad-grad student difference. We tease each other and he does give me silly looks during the actual "lab" we have together, but I don't know. He switches back and forth from what seems to be over more than friendly to teacher-y role (for example, he asked me what my plans were for after undergrad and said if i didn't have any ideas yet, he could suggest some things). </p>

<p>Do TAs just like having a student that seems to be interested in what they're talking about? Or, in my case, is there definitely something there? </p>

<p>I know it's impossible to tell from just a forum post and one side of the story, but I'd love love love input! I mean, if he does like me, would it be wise for me to ask him out (obviously after grades have been posted) on a date or something (we do both live in the same area)? Or should I just wait and see if he somehow approaches me? </p>

<p>Has anyone had experiences like this before or just plain advice? </p>

<p>Ack. </p>

<p>Thank you for any input!</p>

2

<p>I say go for it after grades go out. What do you have to lose?</p>

3

<p>My dignity? No, I mean really, what's the worst that could happen. Besides "no." I am just worried that I'll become a story like, "Oh my god, one day I was a TA and this totally nuts girl was like -nurrr." </p>

<p>Neurotic.</p>

4

<p>I'd take it cautiously until grades are posted and let him make the moves.</p>

<p>The way he is acting does sound typical of a TA that likes you. It sounds like he is genuinely interested in your goals and, really, saying he could suggest things or help you reach them is something anyone in a leadership role would say to someone they care about. Taking a "teacher-ish" role doesn't really sound that out of the ordinary even if he does like you.</p>

<p>As far as TA-student relationships... he should just be careful how that might look, but as an undergrad TA, I dated a girl in one of my classes. I basically met her like the first day of class, we got close...and that was that, but it probably would have been frowned upon by the dept if they'd known about it.</p>

5

<p>You landed yourself a TILF. Good job.</p>

6

<p>I work in my school's Athletic Dept and have been dating one of the Grad Assistant coaches for a sport that I work for since early October. He's 25, I'm 20. We'd been friendly and talked a lot from the time practices had started the previous spring when he started working here and hung out quite a bit over the summer since we were both staying in town but nothing really happened. One night last fall we were out at a club on one of the road trips and he asked me out and ever since we've been together. </p>

<p>My boss knows we're dating, his boss (aka the head coach) knows, and we still both work for the same sport. We work with different positions so we're rarely around each other during practice and when we are together we keep it professional. Nobody would know we're dating if we didn't tell them.</p>

<p>If he wants a relationship, he'll say something, IMO. I was in the same boat as you--I wasn't sure if he wanted a relationship and I didn't want to ask, but the night he did bring it up was one of my favorite times ever. Or wait a few more weeks until the semester is over and ask him out. Then you won't have to worry about the TA-student aspect being there. It'll just be "Older" student-younger student.</p>

<p>If you're worried about the age difference, don't be. If you're worried about the TA-student relationship, keep it quiet or not, that's up to you. We kept quiet for a couple weeks but finally told our respective bosses and they were cool with it. My situation is a little different, but still a "work" relationship. </p>

<p>I love the fact that he's been through undergrad, knows the stresses and what I'm dealing with, and other than our "dating relationship" is there to talk about my future and where I want to go and how to get there. The fact that he studied the same thing I'm studying also helps.</p>

<p>Again, my story isn't quite the same, but similar. Hope this helps. </p>

<p>PS---yes, guys are confusing in this aspect. He admitted to me a few weeks after we started dating that he'd been thinking about it since early July when we hung out over the 4th in his hometown for a few days. I was just like......Why. Wait. Just do it.</p>

7

<p>Don't make a move until after grades are in.
After grades are in, send a friendly e-mail and see if he follows up. If he does, there's your answer.
I know people who ended up marrying their TAs, so, yes, love can blossom from the situation you're in. Just don't act on it yet in case he's really a creep who believes in trading grades for sex.</p>

8

<p>Do what it takes to get an A.</p>

9

<p>In most universities TAs are considered employees of the university, which puts them under the institution's consensual relationship policy. In some universities they would be forbidden to become romantically involved with someone who they have authority over such as a student they grade. In other schools they could date if he notified his supervisor. Generally, it is a terrible idea for a TA to become involved with one of his students. Wait until after grades come out.</p>

10

<p>I agree with Northstarmom. Wait until grades are officially posted, which you were probably going to do anyway I suppose, and if you still like the guy, send him a friendly and date-suggestive email. If he responds positively, then I suppose it's his move.
I'm sort of in the same situation but it's much more passive and the grad student is a TA for a different section of a class I'm taking so he's not my TA. I wish he would hurry and ask me out. haha.</p>

11

<p>
[quote]
Do TAs just like having a student that seems to be interested in what they're talking about?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>Yes. The way to get to a grad student's heart is to fake interest in whatever they're talking about when it pertains to their interests.</p>

<p>My girlfriend, a senior at a different school, has mastered this with me.</p>

12

<p>Heehee, okay, so I might have phrased that oddly. I am actually interested in what he has to say. In fact, it's how easily we can talk about everything that made me start to er, like him more than just a cool TA. But yeah.</p>