last essay before March 1 PLEEEEZZZZ look @ it.

<p>hi, i kno u've been reading a lot of these threads lately... i'd just like some last minute tips. thanx a bunch.</p>

<p>prompt - do we put too much value on the ideas or actions of individual people</p>

<p>Throughout history prominent figures have made fateful decisions with monumental ramifications. Such people were preeminent from the common population due to their superior courage, intelligence, and insight. Such people incited revolts and empires – they lead the masses into new eras. Surely such individuals should be celebrated and valued, for without them, history would be a monotonous cavalcade of mundane everyday events. Although prominent individuals are replete throughout history, they were especially manifest during the 20th century. Two of the most compelling examples are Franklin D. Roosevelt and Martin Luther King.</p>

<p>The Great Depression was a bleak time in America’s history. Closed banks, widespread unemployment, and nearly worthless stocks forced people to scratch out a squalid living on the streets. President Franklin D. Roosevelt faced the immense task of repairing such carnage and returning prosperity. He hatched a series of plans – known as the New Deal to foster employment and reopen banks. He enacted new legislation to regulate the economy. Finally, after over a decade, Roosevelt’s plans prevailed when he succeeded in ending a time of severe adversity. Clearly, Roosevelt deserves to be commended and his actions praised for this noteworthy act. It was his individual mind that begot the plans to save the nation, not endless debates by the common people. Had Roosevelt’s superior intellect been overlooked, his plans dismissed, American many have never rebounded from its financial catastrophe.</p>

<p>Thirty years later, Reverend Martin Luther King was trying to return another type of prosperity to the nation – in the form of equal rights. King was leading minorities, predominantly black, in marches throughout the South and gave speeches in numerous cities. The 100,000 – strong March on Washington D.C. was King’s brainchild, as was his famous “I have a dream” speech. King’s actions finally succeeded by the end of the 60’s with the enactment of the Civil Rights act of 1964 and 1968. Such achievements were not attained by the common masses. They were attained by the brilliance and courage of one individual – Martin Luther King. Obviously, it was individual effort rather than communal actions that incited the Civil Rights laws. If it were not for King’s actions and individual ideas, the Civil rights Act may not have been passed, and we may still live in a world of prejudice and oppression.</p>

<p>Without question, individual ideas and actions must be valued for it is the efforts of individuals that incite the action of the community. Whether in war, finance, politics, or art, individual accomplishments are paramount. Had Franklin D. Roosevelt not propounded his individual ideas, America may still be in a Depression. Had Martin Luther King not committed himself tirelessly, America may not be known as the land of the free.</p>

<p>again, thanx a lot - scores outta 12 pleezz</p>

<p>Stop cramming your essays full of improperly used SAT words.</p>

<p>how are they used improperly?</p>

<p>lol i didnt know FDR had to clean up a mass slaughter of ppl thanks for telling me that</p>

<p>using so many fancy words could hurt, you only need a word here and there to get a 6</p>

<p>remember what the prompt is and what you are arguing: that we should place extra value on ppl</p>

<p>you just talk about what some people did, and don't really tell me why i should place this extra value</p>

<p>make your connections and thesis clearer</p>

<p>ask ur english teacher to look at it lol</p>

<p>wait, i thought that they give u a prompt, then ask u to pick a side and defend it. i said that we should put extra emphasis on individuals NOT people...</p>

<p>Your not using dashes right.....</p>

<p>"He hatched a series of plans – known as the New Deal to foster employment and reopen banks. "</p>

<p>He hatched a series of plans, known as the New Deal, to foster employment and reopen banks. (that looks better)</p>

<p>The vocabulary is distracting and only detracts from the essay; words like "brainchild" only belong in the vocabularies of pretentious movie critics.</p>

<p>You also need to reiterate the topic sentence more often.</p>

<p>And I definitely wouldn't go so far as to say the Civil Rights Movement was all King's doing. There were a lot of other people involved in the movement, and I'm sure any self-respecting English teacher could rattle off the names of 10 other prominent Black figures of the time period. They might raise an eyebrow at your conclusion in that paragraph.</p>

<p>Just my opinions as a reader, as I'm by no means a great SAT essay writer.<br>
I'd say a 10 or 11.</p>

<p>^^ I would say 9-10.</p>

<p>hmm... the collegeboard grader must not be really good then...</p>

<p>The collegeboard grader will look at things like your vocab level, the number of grammatical errors you make, the lengths of your words and sentences, and the prevalence of passive voice, run-ons, or other writing no-nos. The collegeboard grader is not a person; it is a machine. One thing it can't do is figure out whether you are using words improperly, especially if the part of speech is correct but the context is awkward or incorrect. Once I tried typing one of my old SAT essays into the grader for a different prompt, and I got a 12 (even though I was answering a completely different question). That should tell you how accurate the SAT grader is. It can't judge much beyond technical accuracy, and even that is debatable. I also think the grader tends to inflate scores.</p>

<p>i have PR livegrader too... are their comments considered "legit" and similar to an actual SAT grade?</p>

<p>amb3r, i kno i used "carnage" wrong (for some reason, i linked carnage and destruction) what are some other ones?</p>

<p>"wait, i thought that they give u a prompt, then ask u to pick a side and defend it. i said that we should put extra emphasis on individuals NOT people..."</p>

<p>Okay, you had a thesis. But you didn't answer the question!</p>

<p>The prompt was "Do we put too much value on the ideas or actions of individual people?"</p>

<p>So, do we put too much value on the ideas or actions of individual people?</p>

<p>There are only two statements that directly answer the question:
1. We put too much value on the ideas and actions of individual people.
2. We do not put too much value on the ideas and actions of individual people.</p>

<p>You can go beyond this and say something like "We should put more value on the ideas and actions of forgotten heroes."</p>

<p>But you never said whether we do or do not put too much value on the ideas or actions of individual people?</p>

<p>Because of this, I would give this a 2 out of 12.</p>

<p>From the SAT grading rubric:
SCORE OF 1
An essay in this category demonstrates very little or no mastery, and is severely flawed by ONE OR MORE of the following weaknesses: </p>

<p>*develops no viable point of view on the issue, or provides little or no evidence to support its position (this is what you have done)
is disorganized or unfocused, resulting in a disjointed or incoherent essay
displays fundamental errors in vocabulary
demonstrates severe flaws in sentence structure
contains pervasive errors in grammar, usage, or mechanics that persistently interfere with meaning</p>

<p>I think that your essay was on point (i.e., you argue that the actions of individuals should be valued), but your use (and misuse) of vocabulary made it difficult to read.</p>

<p>Also, one general point--something I see in many essays is the use of terms like "undoubtedly, "unquestionably," etc.--if these points were really without question, you wouldn't have to say them.</p>