Last essay grade... until Jan 27

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Okay I don't feel like copying the last prompt from CB's blue book. It's test #8. I sorta blew that test especially on CR but yeah..</p>

<h2>My essay</h2>

<p>When people think of word "hero," they often recall Superman or other powerful men and women with great prowess. But in reality, I think that "hero" is just someone who did the "right" thing even though others couldn't. Many people can think about doing it but very few actually carry their acts out. Similar to popular platitude, "hero" is someone who contracits "easier said than done" and has courage to do it.</p>

<p>First, Abraham Lincoln has to be a preeminent example. During his presidency, many people owned slaves, and lives of slaves were absolutely inhuman. While there had been several attempts to abolish slavery, no one actually took a grand committment as Abraham Lincoln did. He decided to pass an Emancipation Law that outlawed the slavery in the United States. To many historians, this moment was a key to non-WASP's gaining of civil rights. If Lincoln didn't try to carry out this laudatory action, the chronicle probably had one less "hero."</p>

<p>Another important instance happened at our school cafeteria. Because our school and its board disliked sodas, they decided to put vending machines in the cafeteria with juices. At first, students were elated because they now didn't have to bring their own drinks everyday. Then an outrageous event happened. The school raised the price of juices from one dollar to one dollar and seventy-five cents. Some may argue that seventy-five cents were no big deal, the students in our school are not necessarily rich. Moreover, the price of same drink but in higher amount in the local grocery store was dollar and seventy-five cents as well. Several students took actions as asking people to write petition. But still, our school doesn't have "hero" who can save students' money from school's outrageous policy.</p>

<p>Last, Charles de Gaulle in the World War II was a very pivotal figure. He was a "hero" because he fought against Germany and disloyal people like Henri Patan (who surrendered to Germany) and created resistance in England. Gaulle believed to free France again, and certainly, acted as a "hero" and had courage with it.</p>

<p>History and quotidian life of people prove that "hero" is someone who takes action and say what he or she believes with courage. It doesn't have to be extremely important but just something that is right to he or her.</p>

<p>Please give grade out of 12.</p>

2

<p>Such coincidence, yesterday, I also worked on this prompt. I'm so sorry, grayfalcon (nice car, I like it too), to hijack this thread but I want to receive comments :D.
My essay</p>

<p>"Mom, I want to be Superman, I want the S on my chest, I want to cloak on my back, I want to be the man of steel, a hero". We often hear the frivolous voice of a kid crying out to his mom in front of the Ball Costume Shop. Nonetheless, when this kid grows older and learns more about this unkind life, the above misconception is most likely to be repelled away. A real hero is not necessarily a robust machine, 6 feet 9 and flying around. It is the type of man that had the perseverance and courage to prevail over intimidating obstacles to say or to do what others can not or dares not to do. </p>

<p>Would a small, less-than-middle-class black girl be able to go to prestigious colleges or to work in fancy corporations without Martin Luther King Jr.? We are not sure about that. MLK Jr., the pride of African-American, the peace and equality-seeker, the symbol of a tireless fighter is surely considered a hero. Is he big and muscular like Shaquille O’Neal? No he isn’t. But he stood up, against all odds, as a fearless leader to deliver the unprecedented “I have a Dream” speech that set free many African-American souls. The murderer, James Earl Ray, certainly could take away his blood, but how can he cold the fire of spirit, of fairness in the hero’s soul that would be forever applauded by mankind.</p>

<p>My friend is a small boy, he cannot shoot the three ball to beat that buzzer in tough basketball game, neither can he mention clearly to a girl that he liked her vintage hairstyle; however, to all of us, he is always a hero who dared to face the truth. Two months ago, the joyful and lively sound from “Voice of Ams” high school radio show was rudely reinstated by the mournful silences every break. The principal said the replacement was due to the “extravagance cost” of the show. Two months of quiescent passed by and no one had the courage to go to talk to the severe principal. But him. The innate debater in my small pal stood up for a moment and with the rhetorical expressions and persuasive ideas, he convinced the principal’s shallow mind to bring back the show. His outlandish attainment made him a true hero in my class since then.</p>

<p>I always admire Billy Gilman’s angel voice when it sounded: “There’s a hero in everybody’s heart.” Yes, a hero is a man who can surmount the fear of rejection, to do selfless things in order to bring happiness to people around him. So watch out for the small man standing next to you in the metro. He might be a hero you’d got to sing his praise one day.</p>

<p>I'm an international student and I know some of the ideas may be awkward to you guys, but I really appreciate your comments.</p>

3

<p>The first problem I see with both essays is the use of first person. It is looked down upon for the SAT essays. Use "one" for a 3rd person reference.</p>

4

<p>i would give the first one a 10</p>

5

<p>both of u need to provide more examples. i know someone can be a hero but how, and how did his or her actions affect people, try to do more with less</p>

6

<p>Okay, ponnan, but what about the second one
lalala06: thanks for your comments</p>

7

<p>lalala06, I was on the last line of the test paper when I wrote my last word. I couldn't explain it further because I didn't have space (I had extra 1 minute though for some reason and that doesn't happen often..). I know that my last example was indeed short but I had to squeeze in my conclusion.</p>

8

<p>bronbron- you have the right ideas, but the essay IMO is not very organized or structured in terms of ideas are how they are presented to the reader. The reader can become confused with the format you have set you, remember, this is the SAT essay, not a college essay.</p>

<p>If you are an international student, try and bring in your own life experiences into the essay somehow, as that may be interesting to the readers.</p>