Last minute appeal criticism, please.

Transfer Students UC Transfers
1

<p>Gimme your worst, I'm asking for it. I need various opinions from people I don't know and never will. Best opinions are unbiased, right? Note: I kept it short so the admissions people might be more comfortable reading it, as opposed to a narrative essay.</p>

<p>Backstory: I was rejected from UCI and called an Admissions Counselor who told me I was rejected for having bad standing at a previous UC. Wouldn't hurt to try and appeal even if my chances are zero to none, eh? </p>

<p>Thanks.</p>

<p>--</p>

<p>Admittedly, my unsatisfactory academic standing while attending the University of California, Santa Cruz may have jeopardized my admission into the University of California, Irvine. However, I can prove that my past blunders do not accurately reflect my overall abilities as a scholar. The accomplishments I have achieved since attending _____ City College not only represent my strengths as a student, but also display my passion and commitment towards higher learning. I have demonstrated that a single mistake does not epitomize my worth and potential as a student. Since departing from my previous university, I achieved an exceptional 3.77 GPA while at _____ City College.</p>

<p>Upon finishing my fourth semester of Chinese languages and culture classes, I was contacted by the Language Division department at _____ City College. In recognition of my dedication towards higher learning, I received an Excellence Award. Among the many students within the Chinese language classes, I was one of the few acknowledged for outstanding proficiency and aptitude for learning. This Excellence Award exemplifies my continuous dedication and success with coursework.</p>

<p>Additionally, while pursuing my East Asian Culture major, I qualified for an Associate Arts degree in Chinese for completing the required courses of study. Petitioning for this degree further proves my dedication to succeed and advance in my educational endeavor.</p>

<p>I understood your decision to deny me acceptance into the University of California, Irvine, but hope to be seen under a new light. Through recent achievements and accomplishments, I have matured as a scholar and as a person. I hope to be granted an opportunity to prove myself an asset to the University of California, Irvine.</p>

<p>--</p>

2

<p>Decent but sounds angry and a bit arrogant</p>

3

<p>Sounds like you’ve made some admirable accomplishments. </p>

<p>There are some grammatical errors in the last paragraph, but I would scratch the whole last paragraph if I were you. I wouldn’t say that you understand their decision for not accepting you, because you don’t! If you did understand their decision, there would be no reason to appeal. Try to find a way to say (politely) why they should reconsider their decision because you know in your heart that you don’t agree with their ultimate decision.</p>

<p>I’d also try to emphasize why your accomplishments have earned you the right to be accepted, and what this education will enable you to do with your future. This is important; it will change your life.</p>

<p>Try to personalize your letter. Think about how you would describe yourself to a loved one, think about what makes you have pride in yourself, what makes you smile; try to emphasize those points. Try to make the officer who considers your appeal smile and have love for you.</p>

<p>My two cents for what they are worth. I’m basing some of this on the feedback that a Cal admissions officer had given me about my personal statement.</p>

<p>Good Luck!!!</p>

4

<p>Thanks for the input :)</p>

<p>I didn’t want it to sound too passive or modest, since you’re trying to prove your worth in the letter. It’s definitely going to undergo some revisions to make it sound more smooth and not so angry. Thank you!</p>

5

<p>I’d agree with UC Admit that there are some parts that sounds a bit arrogant. I feel like some ideas present in this appeal is begging the question (circular reasoning).</p>

6

<p>Thanks for taking the time to evaluate my appeal letter. I’ve definitely got quite a bit of help from people who… well, know how to word things well. I’m going to the post office tomorrow to send it out, wish me luck! :)</p>